What is self-esteem
How does self-esteem form
The person is not born with a concept of what he is, but it is progressively forming and developing as he relates to the environment, through the internationalization of the physical, psychological and social experiences that the person obtains during his developing.
This concept is formed at an early age and is marked by two aspects:
- For the self-knowledge that the person has of himself, that is, of the set of data that the person has regarding his being and on which a value judgment does not apply.
- For the ideals to which he hopes to reach, that is, of how the person would like or wish to be. This is strongly influenced by the culture in which it is inserted. In the ideal that each one has of himself is the model that the person has to face, judge and evaluate. The ideal of itself gives direction to life.
If both aspects come together, self-esteem will be increasingly positive.
The dual pillars of self-esteem according to Nathaniel Branden.
Self-efficacy:
- A sense of personal efficacy. Trust in the functioning of my mind, in my ability to think, in the processes by which I judge, choose, decide; confidence in my ability to understand the facts of reality that come within the sphere of my interests and needs. Therefore, my predisposition to feel fundamentally competent to face the challenges of life; consequently, confidence in one's own mind and in its processes.
Self-dignity:
- A sense of personal merit. Security of my worth, an affirmative attitude towards my right to live and be happy; comfort by appropriately expressing my thoughts, desires, needs, feeling that joy is my natural right, therefore, predisposition to experience ourselves as worthy of success and happiness, consequently, the perception of ourselves as people for whom achievement, success, respect, friendship and love are appropriate.
The influence of others in the formation of self-esteem
Self-esteem is built constantly and throughout life. Both acts and personal characteristics are constantly criticized by others in both constructive and disqualifying ways. Thus, others become fundamental elements of the process of building self-esteem, acting as external evaluators of the person.
These will favor or put difficulties for the evaluation that the person makes of himself, since they will undoubtedly have an impact within each one, encouraging or discouraging, encouraging to maintain or transform or even eliminate those aspects that have been criticized, providing information on if one is valuable, if one "deserves to be loved and loved," whether or not it is worth doing what one does, or whether one is capable of doing things well.
But if the highest number of ratings received is negative, if they are destructive, self-esteem will be deeply damaged. Most likely, disorientation and internal disorganization will occur. The person will not know what is right, how he should act, he will feel that he is a complete failure and that he does everything wrong.
This is the reason why it is so delicate to receive or give criticism, since more than a help it can become a factor of anxiety, anguish and depression for the person.
For this reason, it is necessary for everyone to achieve basic security over time by developing an adequate and sufficient self-concept to be able to select among all the criticisms, positive or negative, which he or she creates and considers as assertive and useful and to be able to reach then, to discriminate between those who truly contribute positively and those who do not.
How to help build positive self-esteem
External process of building self-esteem
The external process is fundamentally given by the influence that others, in general, have on the emotional aspect of the person.
When it is necessary for the person to improve aspects of their behavior, it will be more appropriate for the problem statement to be expressed clearly and precisely, enforcing rules and limits, but considering avoiding some aspects that clearly affect self-esteem.
As has already been said, criticism is one of them. Others are inflexible rules and duties, as well as perfectionism.
These also negatively affect self-esteem, because they do not give freedom and make us feel overwhelmed and with the feeling of never having achieved our goals.
It is appropriate to make the statements and observations without generalizing the problem to aspects of the personality. We must focus on behavior, not on the person.
Another very negative factor for self-esteem is the fact of repeatedly repeating the negative characteristics of the person.
That is, others may or may not help to have good self-esteem, especially people with whom they are emotionally involved, someone who is admired or highly regarded, making contributions to have a positive evaluation of oneself and of his actions, this without mentioning that this environment is also the one that offers adequate and precise opportunities in which successes can be obtained and, in general, experiences that allow one to speak well of oneself and with which one is satisfied.
Internal process of building self-esteem.
It is like an award to yourself, which in turn is going to become the energy to do other things well done, in the right way.
A good self-esteem is the engine that will unleash assertiveness in the affective and social functions that will allow to obtain as a result liking, satisfaction, liking and self-love. In turn, these last sensations will generate a feedback that will fall again on the construction of the positive self-esteem that has been generated, thus increasing its also positive potential. Even and thanks to this, it may be the same individual who improves their results later as their own challenge and for greater personal satisfaction.
In this way, a "vicious circle" will be generated, which if it damages self-esteem, it will be necessary to interrupt attending to certain aspects such as encouraging the individual to value the process more than the result and to learn from their mistakes.
This is favored if it is accompanied by positive words that the subject says to himself (internal dialogue) such as "I did it right", avoiding phrases of denial, that is, instead of saying, "I must not do such a thing again », To say« from now on I must try to do such another », and also avoiding negative phrases changing them for positive assertions. That is, changing a phrase like "I did everything wrong" to another like "I must improve" or "I will do my best to improve".
Thus, by developing these potentialities, it will be possible to have new tools and more possibilities to do new things. With this you will also be able to acquire new experiences and as a consequence more knowledge of the environment and of yourself, a fundamental factor to carry out future actions in an assertive way.
Positive self-esteem
- The person who has a positive self-esteem, experiences a healthy feeling of pleasure and satisfaction with himself. He knows himself, accepts and values himself with all his virtues, defects and possibilities. He also feels that limitations do not diminish his essential value as a person and he discovers as someone "lovable" for what he is in himself, and discovers the importance of taking care of himself. Whoever has a positive self-esteem also accepts and values others as they are; You can establish healthy dependency relationships by communicating clearly and directly with others. You are favored with the ability and willingness to allow loved ones to be what they choose, without putting pressure on them to induce your preferences.He is a person who has the courage to take risks and face failures and frustrations as opportunities to learn to grow and takes them as a challenge, separating them from himself. He manages to learn from mistakes made by trying not to repeat them.
Negative self-esteem
- It is said that a person has poor or negative self-esteem (as harmful) when the appreciations of their self-evaluation and self-evaluation harm them and there is a lack of self-esteem. These types of people feel dissatisfied with themselves, as they consider themselves of little value, and even in extreme cases, it is seen as worthless and therefore "not desirable". She is convinced that she has no positive aspects to be proud of, she is aware of her defects, but she tends to overstate them. She does not know or know who she is, Nor what are her abilities and skills that make her worthy of being loved by herself and by others. It is common to find an excessively complaining and critical attitude, sad, insecure, inhibited and not very sociable, perfectionist, challenging, defeatist, and seem little vital,They lack spontaneity and are aggressive. They also show a compulsive need to attract attention and approval, an overriding need to win, an excessive fear of being wrong: they prefer to say "I don't know." They have a strong sense of ridicule, and a fear of To err makes them uncreative. They prefer to be described as lazy and not stupid. With others, they constantly seek their support and approval. They hide their true feelings and thoughts when they think that they do not agree with those of others. They have difficulty accepting and value others as they are: try to change them to meet their needs and expectations through it. He is a person with a great need to feel loved and valued, and as he is dependent on others for his self-worth,presents a special sensitivity to any attitude of others that make her feel delayed or rejected, without being able to establish healthy dependency relationships and express her ideas clearly for fear of rejection. Her reaction to a particular error becomes a general criticism of everything what is as a person.
Self-esteem and change
Today the company and the people who form it are permanently undergoing processes of change and transformation. To face these processes successfully, it is necessary to be able to see challenges as opportunities rather than threats. Self-esteem plays an important role when it comes to falsifying a positive or negative frame of the situation.
Crisis word in Chinese
Danger and hidden opportunity
To the extent that we believe in ourselves, we put more positive energy and perseverance in the face of the challenges and challenges of the environment, this usually leads to greater success, which reinforces our self-esteem again, thus closing a positive circle of self-esteem and energy to face the changes.
The opposite occurs from negative self-esteem, which promotes a negative circle of success and tolerance of uncertainty, change, and challenges.
The more choices and decisions we need to make consciously, the more urgent will be our need for self-esteem.
