Good practices regarding the influence and manipulation of children in divorce proceedings

When a marriage or de facto union between cohabitants comes to an end because the relationship is irretrievably broken, the problem arises of how the attribution of the rights and obligations over the sons and daughters will be, the times of living with them, with whom they must live, who must educate them, feed them and decide on the conduct of their person, which is due in many cases to the fact that the possession of sons and daughters often means for parents to obtain some control over the other parent through emotional blackmail and / or economic.

What years ago was an unusual situation or went unnoticed in society, has become an increasingly frequent and more evident circumstance; But this does not prevent the divorce or separation of the cohabiting partners in fact, causing a radical change in the lives of the sons and daughters who turn out to be the most affected in the separation process, with traumas that can mark them for all life.

guide-to-good-practices-in-the-influence-and-manipulation-divorce

Both the International Conventions, as well as legislation and jurisprudence give relations between fathers, mothers, sons and daughters an inalienable and reciprocal character, precisely because they encompass expressions of affection, continuous treatment and permanent communication, which contribute to satisfying both, natural and legitimate aspirations derived from the filial bond, for which a parent cannot, capriciously or arbitrarily, prevent the carrying out of a communication and visit regime with their sons and daughters by the other parent who does not exercise the care and upbringing, or manipulate and influence the sons and daughters to reject that contact or influence their opinion about which parent they would like to live with, because whoever acts like this,according to the guidelines outlined by International Conventions and national law, he ends up frustrating in his sons and daughters the natural tendencies of affection, respect and consideration for both parents, on equal terms and possibilities.

It is not acceptable, morally or legally, that one of the parents without just cause prevents the relationship of the other parent who does not have the care of their sons or daughters or that tries to manipulate the feelings and affections of their sons and daughters to influence a judicial resolution that confers the care and upbringing for manifesting the boy, girl or adolescent who prefers to live with one parent and not with the other, even rejecting the relationship. The father or mother who acts in this way, becomes unworthy of maintaining care and representation, and should promote, as appropriate, the interrelationship between the sons and daughters and the father or mother who does not bear the care, since the right to have proper communication with them, is instituted more according to the children or adolescents than according to the parents,This right is inalienable and inalienable, and can only be suspended when there are extremely serious causes that endanger the safety of children and adolescents or their physical or moral health.

A separation is a situation in which not only the couple is involved, but the whole family and where the children see their emotional stability altered, as they are divided between the love of mom and dad and, as usually happens, any separation is preceded by a climate of tension, discussions, and reproaches, to which is added the judicial process, to which children and adolescents generally attend as mere spectators, feeling powerless as they cannot do anything to change things, because It is precisely their parents who represent their interests and wondering if they will see their father or mother again, if their father or mother will continue to love them, even feeling that their father and mother separated because of them, because they did not do something.

Sometimes problems appear when children visit one of their parents and then return with the other to the house where they live, since the child or adolescent is frequently questioned about what the other is doing, who is frequenting, what relationships does he have, if someone visits the house, what does he do with the money, etc. turning the boy, girl or adolescent into a messenger between one house and the other and forcing them to take advantage of the differences of their parents, turning them into an arbitrator of issues that are beyond their comprehension and understanding. It makes the child or adolescent feel uncomfortable, who do not understand why dad or mom want them to stop loving the other, do not understand why dad and mom who loved each other so much now hate each other,Because dad talks bad about his mom and says that all he wants is money and why mom says that dad left them because he loves another woman more and that he no longer loves or cares about them.

These are the Influence and Manipulation Processes of children and adolescents or as others call it Parental Alienation or SAP, which this guide will deal with to offer family justice operators elements to identify and intervene in said processes avoiding its establishment and taking the appropriate measures to avoid its repetition as well as its incidence in judicial decisions.

The love life of the parents may be cut short, but their unity as a couple of parents constitutes a perennial bond that is inscribed in social continuity. From the point of view of the boy, girl and adolescent, their interest is "not to divorce any of their parents".

THE LAST LETTER

(A REAL STORY)

A few days ago, Javier had turned fifteen, but he was not happy.

"I want to say goodbye, I'm leaving, but I'll always be taking care of you, I'll always be very close to you," he said, full of tenderness for his grandmother, and then he turned off his cell phone.

I was very sad. There were many accrued pains for things that years ago he had not been able to understand.

Much anger contained for so, so long… but at that moment I no longer felt the time, I just hope that his mother left the house where she lived with her and began to write very quickly…

"Dear mom: I love you very much, I was always by your side. I did everything you told me and I said everything you wanted, I was your unconditional ally… And how proud you felt of that!… even more if your goal was fulfilled: to get away from me whom you hated and that, according to what you claimed He didn't take good care of me. You considered yourself an exemplary mother. But, at the same time, you separated me from one of the most important people in my life, who loved me unconditionally from the first minutes of life and left her heart and many of her times for corridors and rooms, where criteria and justice should reign. I guess you know who I mean. You took me away from him and made him lose it. You made me not want to see him, criticized him, hated him almost like you did him, but the truth, mom,is that the one I hated the most was you for having separated me from the one who loved me the most, the most valuable being that you may have known in my life: MY DAD. I hope you understand now. Your son."

Then Javier's hand triggered a huge noise, cold and dry… and in that way, finally, his heart rested…

Javier is not his real name, but this 15-year-old adolescent did exist… and now his mother can only keep and "take care" of that letter.

We pray that no son or daughter ever has to write a similar letter… We do not allow the INFLUENCE PROCESSES AND HANDLING OR PARENTAL ALIGNMENT.

GOOD PRACTICE GUIDE FOR THE IDENTIFICATION AND ADOPTION OF MEASURES AGAINST THE INFLUENCE AND HANDLING PROCESS OF CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS IN THE FIELD OF FAMILY CONFLICTS.

EVALUATION AND RECOMMENDATIONS AROUND THE INFLUENCE AND HANDLING PROCESS OF CHILDREN, ADOLESCENTS AND ADOLESCENTS BY THE FIRST CENTRAL AMERICAN AND CARIBBEAN LAW FAMILY CONGRESS HELD IN SAN JOSE COSTA RICA FROM AUGUST 5 TO 9, 2014.

1. It is recognized that at a practical level in the field of family conflicts, there is evidence of some manipulation of the Underage Person by:

1. Father or mother Both parents Grandfather or grandmother Other people around you with blood or affinity ties.

2. The involvement of PME in conflictive couple situations occurs simply by being a member of that family nucleus.

Some manifestations or signs of manipulation are for example:

• Insulting or devaluing the father or the mother, in front of the children. Unreasonably preventing the child's contact with the non-cohabiting parent. Underestimating or ridiculing the feelings expressed by the son or daughter about the father or to the mother. Encourage or reward the behavior of rejection of the PME with respect to the father or the mother. Involving the PME in the conflicts of the parents only has negative repercussions at the physical, emotional level and in its integral development. Imposing the new couple before the son or daughter as a new father or new mother, etc.

3. They are identified in family conflicts where a PME intervenes

1. Conflict of loyalties. Anxiety due to alienation. Pathological situations in paternal-filial relationships.

4. Before the appearance of indicators of manipulation; the separation of the PME from the supposed-manipulator or the cohabiting parent; As recommended by SAP Theory, it is NOT always the best alternative, nor does it resolve the situation.

• That the paper alerts on methodological questions of the SAP proposal, as well as historical social errors. That part of the SAP concept is a reductionist explanation of the problem it seeks to explain.

CONSIDERATIONS

1. Globalization does not generate equality in families, they are different and therefore it should be a starting point to give a different approach and according to their particularities It is not appropriate to use the term SAP, AP, ALIENACIÓN, ALJENAR, SEPARAR, because it involves limitation in communication. A PME with problems of socialization of their emotions within the family, will hardly be able to communicate outside of it in contexts of anguish, confusion and pain. Disengagement is the product of the social roles assigned (generally) to the mother who is entrusted with the raising of children and who allows a different bond to be formed from that of the father. This does not exempt cases where there is a greater approach of PME to the Father or to a third party, inclusive.Observe the influence of social roles and cultural aspects on the behavior of the parent (or presumed manipulator). Analyze particularly each case in which a PME is involved, all have different realities. Including affiliation in outside structures of the traditional concept of family Costa Rica does not currently recognize SAP. Panama, Nicaragua and the rest of the Central American and Caribbean countries do not recognize SAP in observance of their ignorance as such by the World Health Organization. In the United States, some States recognize it, others do not and some are rethinking the consequences of the approach proposed by Garner;Legalized in Brazil and some places in Spain, SAP supposes a collateral effect of conflictive couple situations and translates into SMEs in situations of intra-family violence through manipulation. The problem of PME derived from couple conflicts is a matter of family disintegration with an axis that crosses the fundamental rights of PM

ALTERNATIVES

1. Replace the term SAP, AP, by: “ Identification, Influence and Manipulation P rocess ”.

1. Encourage civic education from all levels, social and academic level; with a view to building agents of change and forming consciences in the face of the new challenges and paradigms of today's society.

1. It is committed to the massive education of all the actors, operators of the law, families and society, through information campaigns where reference is made to the consequences of the separation of PME from its non-custodial family (father, mother, extended family).

1. Create spaces for reflection in society and professionals in the field of families on the need to separate conflicts from adults to children.

1. Lawyers with critical intervention. Through the professional Bar Associations in each country, mechanisms for updating and education in the management of Family Processes must be provided; in order to promote the exercise and practice of this profession in a more effective and dignified way

1. Provoke a paradigm shift in litigation lawyers, where justice and the solution of the family conflict without secondary effects for PME are prioritized over the economic aspect.

1. Construction of a new proposal in the framework of Domestic Violence with special observance of the Principle of Superior Interest of Minors, where PME is the main actor and in light of existing legal tools: Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Convention on the Rights of the Child, elimination of all forms of violence, Political Constitution, Codes: family, criminal, childhood and adolescence. Special laws: pensions, domestic violence. Jurisprudence.

1. Family Judges Profile (proactive, negotiating, thoughtful and studious).

1. Promote the Control of Conventionality in the motivation of the judicial decisions of the Family Processes. The Law must be "demystified" rescuing the true spirit of the Law.

1. Establish a practical guide for intervention by the Judge and other professionals in case a manipulation process is identified. (Nicaraguan proposal)

1. It is important to define who and how, so that the effort is not lost in paperwork or bureaucratization. Review of available resources to avoid losing objectivity. Establish mechanisms to promote a paternal and maternal filial relationship, through a process with professional intervention and follow-up. Support with adequate resources for diagnosing family conflict (gessell camera) and those resources available to mitigate the situation.

13. Provide specialized care and follow-ups with professional support throughout the family process:

• Conduct prior conciliation hearings. Provide guidance to the entire family group involved in the judicial process involving PME, where due information is given to the parties to the process; in any phase of it; particularly those processes derived from the exercise of parental authority (Guardianship, Parenting, Education, Maintenance Obligation). Contemplate a Counseling Program for separated or separating parents, in order to guide them regarding their partner conflicts and the need to put before the Higher Interest of the PME on the particular interest of each parent.

This type of intervention can be channeled through the Interdisciplinary Teams that are at the service of the judiciary in each country.

14. Establish responsibilities for abuse of the Exercise of Par Authority

• Criminal (Abusive exercise of Parental Authority) Family (suspension of parental authority in case of recidivism) Civil. (Non-contractual Civil Liability).

* Up to here the recommendations of the Congress.

PREVIOUS ISSUES

The so-called SAP is a term that the psychiatry professor Richard Gardner coined in 1985 to refer to what he describes as a psychopathological disorder in which a child, permanently, denigrates and insults without any justification one of their parents, generally, but not exclusively, the father. It is a process by which one of the parents, through different strategies, would carry out a kind of "brainwashing" to transform the conscience of their children in order to prevent, hinder or destroy their links with the other parent, until making it contradictory with what should be expected of his loving condition.

Dr. William Bernet, professor emeritus of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, tells us that SAP would be a mental state of a child whose parents are involved in a highly conflictive divorce and is strongly influenced by one of them. refusing to relate to the other without legitimate justification.

For his part, Dr. Miguel Lorente Acosta, professor of Legal Medicine at the University of Granada, states that "what the SAP does is avoid investigating what the real reasons may be for sons and daughters to show that rejection of the father ».

Children who suffer this influence and manipulation develop a pathological and unjustified hatred towards the non-caregiver parent that has devastating consequences on their physical and psychological development. Sometimes, without coming to feel hatred, such influence causes the child or adolescent to deteriorate the image they have of the "alienated" parent, consequently the child is not proud of his father or mother like other children.

This more subtle form, which will use the omission-denial of everything related to the "alienated" person (father or mother) will not produce physical harm to minors, but will do so in their long-term psychological development, when in age As adults, they exercise their role as parents.

According to so-called SAP studies, children suffering from this syndrome suffer disturbances and dysfunctions because their own reasoning processes have been interrupted or coerced. The minors who suffer this, relate their frustrations with the thoughts or memories associated with the alienated parent, and therefore they will develop as they grow up, a tendency to project all their psychological negativity on the image they have of such a parent, which ends up destroying it and extension to relationship.

Studies of the Justice Commission in the Chamber of Deputies (Mexico) indicate that each year around 182,000 children are trapped in the parental alienation syndrome. In Mexico DF, the conduct of the parent that causes the child's parental alienation will be a specific crime, typified in the state Penal Code. For this, the also member of the Administration and Procurement Commission of Justice of the Legislative Assembly of the capital proposes that the sanction be from 50 to 200 days of fine, work in favor of the community and compulsory psychological treatment.

(Source: http: //www.anasap.org/2013/04/22/en-mexico-df-sera-delito-especifico-tipificado-en-el-codigo-penal-estatal-la- conducta-del-progenitor -that-provokes-the-parental-alienation-of the child /)

The reason for this guide:

Childhood is the stage of evolution towards maturity in which there is a great vulnerability that must be protected and the family is the first force that intervenes modulating experiences and shaping childhood behaviors, hence the importance that the development of relationships Affective parental subsidiaries are as natural as possible, free from all influence and manipulation.

The problem arises, not due to the fact that the parents decide to end their life together, but when their sons and daughters are involved in the conflicts that their separation has generated. That is why both the justice operators and the institutions involved, trial lawyers and attorneys have an important social mission: to cooperate so that in the critical stage of the separation of the parents, the conflicts that so much harm the parties, their families are mitigated., but mainly to children and adolescents.

INDICATORS THAT ALLOW TO DETECT SYMPTOMS OF ABUSE, INFLUENCE AND HANDLING:

• Impediment on the part of one of the parents so that the other parent sees their children or can live with them Devalue and insult the other parent in the presence of the son and daughter Involve the family environment and friends in attacks on the ex-spouse or ex-cohabitant. Underestimate or ridicule the feelings of children or adolescents towards the other parent. Encourage or reward derogatory and rejection behavior towards the other parent. Influencing children or adolescents with lies about the other parent arriving scare them. Kids can't give reasons or give absurd and inconsistent explanations to justify rejection. They use phrases or words inappropriate for their age, such as dialogues similar to that of the 'manipulative' parent. Refusing to pass calls phone calls to sons and daughters.Organize various activities with the sons and daughters during the period that the other parent should normally exercise their right of communication and visit. The new spouse or cohabiting partner presents the sons and daughters as their new mother or their new father. Refusing to give information to the other parent regarding the activities in which the children are involved (sports games, theatrical performances, school activities, medical assistance, etc.) Talk rudely about the new spouse or partner of the other parent. «Forgetting» to notify the other Parent of important appointments or activities scheduled for the child or adolescent Make important decisions of the sons and daughters without consulting the other parent (choice of religion, choice of school, place of residence, etc.) Devalue clothing, shoes, toys,school accessories or other items for personal use that the other parent has bought them.Threatening to punish the sons and daughters if they dare to call the other parent.Reproach the other parent of the misbehavior of the sons and daughters.

CRITERIA TO BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT TO ASSIGN THE CARE AND RAISING OF CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS SUBJECT TO PARENTAL AUTHORITY:

• Maintain the context of the child or adolescent (school, friends and family) and the status quo (who stayed with after the separation). The mental health of the parents (psychologically who is more fit). The educational skills of the parents. Which parent is more willing to favor the communication and visitation regime with the other parent. Attitude of respect towards the ex-spouse or ex-partner. The development of attachment (in which environment the child or adolescent feels more comfortable The preferences expressed by the child or adolescent (which does not necessarily mean doing what they want, but rather evaluating their opinion together with the other elements of the process so as not to transform them into arbitrators of issues beyond their decision and responsibility,It is not appropriate to transfer to a child the responsibility of having to speak out before facts that adults have not been able to resolve). What is the most stable and safe environment that will also guarantee the satisfaction of basic physical, emotional, social and cognitive needs of the boy and girl and adolescent.To preserve the purpose of the law of sharing treatment and responsibility regarding the education of sons and daughters, guaranteeing the permanent contact of the child and adolescent with both parents in order to provide them with a model of family organization that resembles the intact family. To maintain in the parents' conscience the responsibility that weighs on both of them regarding the care and education of their sons and daughters despite the lack of coexistence between them.At all times and in case of doubts, the guiding criterion is the best interest of children and adolescents, based on the principles established in our Political Constitution, the Family Code and the international conventions on the rights of the child. adolescents and Human Rights in force in Nicaragua.

ADVANTAGES THAT THE ADOPTION OF THESE MEASURES IS FOR US

• When the child coexists with each of the parents, they are equated in terms of the organization of their time, personal and professional life (equality). The peripheral parents disappear. The best fulfillment of the affective and formative functions is guaranteed. They reduce the impact traumatic of the divorce or separation in the sons and daughters and their feeling of abandonment. It creates a climate where the boy, girl or adolescent feels that they do not lose any of their parents. and representation of the child or adolescent, stimulating the responsibilities of the non-caregiver parent. Prevents misunderstanding of the material needs of the child or adolescent.An affectively close and available father and mother is a protective factor and promoter of the self-esteem and personal confidence of children and adolescents.

CONSCIOUSNESS MUST BE CREATED IN PROGENITORS WHO:

• Their sons and daughters are unique and at the same time different and must accept them as they are and that they cannot and should not be harmed by their decisions, so they cannot impose conditions on them to be able to provide their needs and affections, which on the other hand is a obligation of inescapable fulfillment. The love and affection that they can offer to their sons and daughters is essential so that they can confront life safely, for which reason the relationship with both parents is fundamental. The family is the first contact that a boy or girl has with the world, so that their personality and self-esteem will depend to a great extent on the relationships and feelings they experience in it, hence the importance that the boy and girl develop in an environment of harmony, understanding, tolerance and love, free from conflict and violence.Sons and daughters are a mirror of the behavior and attitudes of their parents. Sons and daughters must be able to continue counting on their father and mother, that is why they must continue to say “we” in matters relating to their sons and daughters, assuring them who can continue to count on the support and understanding of both of them, therefore it is not convenient for one of the parents to disqualify the image that the boy, girl or adolescent has regarding the other parent. Neither physical nor emotional punishment teach because they do not offer alternatives to inappropriate behaviors, boys and girls learn what they see and live, not only what we tell them. One of the basic forms of learning is imitation, so we must bear in mind that our attitudes and behaviors will be its greatest influence.

• Human beings are social beings and therefore we need contact with others to be happy, so it is the duty of parents to think that as important as eating or sleeping is also for the good development of their sons and daughters, playing and relate to their friends and family to learn to communicate and develop social and emotional relationships, so they should plan their time to foster such ties in their children.To have a good relationship with your sons and daughters, good communication is essential, they they deserve to be listened to and their opinion to be taken into account, because if we listen, understand and act coherently in response to the demands of our sons and daughters, we will be helping them to increase security in themselves, only by respecting them will they also earn their respect.It is necessary for the sons and daughters to participate actively in the decisions and issues that affect them directly and indirectly, the commitment as parents should be to educate people with the ability to reflect and participate, keeping in mind that their sons and daughters have their own needs and interests.

SOME INTERVENTION STRATEGIES:

• Working with children and adolescents in the first instance through the psychologist of the Family Court and then through the Psychosocial Care Centers (CAPS) to promote their adjustment to new family relationships. Teach parents and mothers behaviors and abilities to improve the relationship with their sons and daughters through the CENTERS OF PSYCHOSOCIAL CARE (CAPS) and Schools for Parents, eliminating practices of abuse and denigration. Promote through the Schools for parents the centered exchange of experiences in the opinion and interpretation that parents make of the behavior of their sons and daughters as well as of their own feelings and experiences in order to reorganize their attitudes and behaviors and enhance those strengths within families.Follow up and provide the necessary accompaniment in cases where psychoeducational therapy or admission to a school for parents is ordered in order to assess whether measures are changed or new ones are enacted. Encourage the participation of all the social and institutional agents that have a role in relation to the preventive action of forms of domestic violence. Promote through the Family, Community and Life Cabinets established in the Family Code, facilitators and mediators of the processes of personal and family change to achieve the preservation of affective bonds in families and social change, considering that the family is an integral part of the community. Knowing about families their vision of family reality,collecting the information through the narration and dialogue of the members of the family itself in a context of respect and trust and bearing in mind the possible discrepancies in these visions, for which the information should be complemented with home visits and interviews with neighbors. parental education for the personal development of fathers and mothers and the promotion of their parental competences without ignoring the role that grandparents play in family education until reaching both cognitive, affective and behavioral change.Promote parental education for the personal development of fathers and mothers and the promotion of their parental competences without ignoring the role that grandparents play in family education until reaching both cognitive, affective and behavioral change.Promote parental education for the personal development of fathers and mothers and the promotion of their parental competences without ignoring the role that grandparents play in family education until reaching both cognitive, affective and behavioral change.

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