Much has been written about this new and old discipline at the same time.
New, since it has become fashionable brought from the field of sport, hence the name: coaching, which implies training.
Ancient, because Socrates already with his wisdom helps us to understand from the depths of the times that this is, which sounds so much in the world of organizations, being one of the best conversational tools with transformational power over people and the media where you are. they work and develop.
In some way the process is always mentioned as something of great value to people and the emphasis is on the harmony, respect and love in which it takes place, this context is called.
Of course, these three aspects must be the pillar of the "habitat" that we build with the coachee.
But discomforts are not ruled out, certain anger that may appear in the coachee, which in my opinion, not all the process has to be tinged with a non-conflictive and harmonious emotionality to be effective. Many times a very successful conversation regarding the results obtained goes through moments of tension and confusion with some discomfort on the part of the coachee.
For these moments the coach must be prepared. You should not be discouraged by ambivalent or decidedly negative emotionality. Many times after the "storm" comes the reflection of the coachee and the acceptance, the "being able to observe oneself from another place" to the one who habitually did it.
It is only here as coaches that we can evaluate the process and design its continuation.
We know that in a coaching process it is essential to be able to get the coachee to change its observer. This implies that you can see the problem that it brings us to solve from another position, from another place, to be able to do something different from what you have been doing up until now. It is not an easy task to achieve this and if it is achieved, in my opinion he has several coaching meetings.
It is probable that in the first meeting we could hear him say some words of this type: - Ah…. I had not seen it this way! But in no way does a person change his daily activities so easily, believing this is too omnipotent a position of ours and then our frustration and that of the coachee, gains ground.
True change is slow, it is a process. I mean that change reflected in the new actions, in the different behaviors that a person may have regarding a problem.
The mind has a tendency to go back to acting the same way over and over again, without involving a person's brainpower. We can always observe highly intelligent people who repeat the behavior that condemns them to “not being able to.” The dogmatic truth of a subject (the not self-questioned) somehow sustains him and it is from “there” that he arms his life, even at the cost of your unhappiness.
As coaches I believe in my opinion that we should be warned of the role that the coachee is going to make us play without knowing it: that of witnesses to his position as a victim, of non-protagonism attributing his "not being able" to circumstances beyond his actions, circumstances exogenous, the others, bad luck, situations, etc.
Our questions as coaches will disorient him at the beginning, they will experience that they tend to break that inertia that guides him in the day to day. So you can start playing in context, a negative emotionality, and then there is a discovery noting that those questions tend to line up with the help you've asked for, when requesting a coaching process.
Beyond the coachee's intellectual agreements on his explicit request for help when requesting a coaching process, we would have to achieve real consensus, not the declared one, therefore I think it would be innovative: not being so convinced that he wants to change his position, many Sometimes what he really wants is not to change his posture, but rather that the situation changes without having to change him… he wants to change the discomfort caused by the situation, it is hard for him to think how he contributes to his situation or directly how he it manufactures with unsuspected "skill" in daily life that unhappiness it declares.
I find this an interesting moment for the skillful questions in this regard trying to make you experience as little tension as possible, although we will never be able to eliminate it, because the coaching process forces the head against that constitutive inertia, and something of our client is rebels secretly or manifestly. If this does not happen if everything is carried out in too much harmony, I would doubt if the process that occupies us was honest.
We are acting in reverse of the mental current, and this should not be confused with "attunement". For the better context we achieve, for the more confidence we inspire the coachee, we have to know that situations of discomfort and even anger will occur because the coachee (without knowing it) is going to defend with all his weapons his victim's strength, his dogmatic truth, his desire to change but of situation, without seeing himself. Getting him to see himself is what we and he should consider achievement.….
I think a coach has to be able to cope with this, and it is related to having been able to support his coaching processes, his learning, in a moment he will be the support of his coachee, and then gently release him to carry out his own adventure, the of their life…
In my opinion, the innovation would also be in the reflection on the discomfort that the coach also experiences when he is in front of that other who at one moment goes through anger when he begins to notice that we do not believe his explanations and we propose other alternatives, that other for which we were called to help him star in his life, although he did not fully know it in the beginning.
Do not start from an agreement, basically it is made from a disagreement.
The coach knows from his experience that it is about being the protagonist, together with the coachee, making him accept responsibility for his life. The coachee wants to end his unhappiness, as quickly as possible, that's why he calls us.
