In the first part of this article, which has two, Linda Aspey explores what happens when we provide our clients or coaches with our sustained, uncorrupted attention, rather than bombarding them with questions.
Jake was blocked; 40 minutes had passed since our session in which I had listened with all my attention; Up until this point Jake had done a very productive job as if his thoughts were gushing out and he started generating new ideas, occasionally with my encouragement quietly asking him, "What else do you think, feel, or want to say?"
Now he was silent, still thinking. With anticipation I too decided to wait for more, and offering him all the attention he was capable of and my interest without any distraction. He looked at me for a few moments, sighed, shrugged, and said he couldn't think of anything else. I asked him if he would like me to say, "So what else?" "Nothing," he replied, as if sorry. So I asked him again, "What would you like to achieve in the rest of this session?" "I don't know," he replied. After a few moments I tell him: “We have plenty of time left in this session; Is there another question you would like me to ask you? ” "Yes, ask me why I'm dragging my feet in this impossible situation with the finance team." So I asked him the question in his exact words. Then I look at him and encourage him by holding my gaze.Take a deep breath and start to speak exploring it in all the complexity, aided by my sustained attention but without any other verbal intervention on my part. After 20 minutes I had reached many more "insights" and more conclusions than what I could have done if I had managed to ask him a different question, no matter how good it would have seemed.
Questions are one of the foundations of effective coaching and counseling. We use them to help our clients open the door of possibilities, inviting them to dialogue with themselves and with us. We are trained and often have good questioning skills; It is understandable that we consider that asking is one of our most important roles. Which is why it sometimes becomes a habit, like putting salt and pepper on your salad before trying it to see if it's needed.
Whenever we ask a question, it has the potential to influence the customer. As soon as we inevitably take over, consciously or unconsciously, we are working on our own agenda; Even in some of the most accurate and prescribed forms of coaching and counseling, the questions - and how we ask them - will come from within us. Sometimes we feel pressured by the client to do them; Or we use them as a way to manage our anxieties about sitting “doing nothing”. We could use them to show empathy, attention, interest, supremacy, knowledge, and even to compete. I wonder if coaches are especially prone to this because of the inherent instinct for achievement in coaching.
I have seen "posts" on the Internet asking: "What is your favorite or most powerful question?" and I'm fascinated by the competition for proposing the brightest. "What a great question, I will try it with my clients," they say. Knowing when and how to use the questions can be a special challenge for “counselors” and therapists who come to coaching as novices, or when they integrate the two professions coach-therapist. Some differentiate coaching from counseling, stating that the former is more directed, more agile and more a two-way dialogue than counseling. It may be true but I don't think we need to bombard our clients with questions.
I want to invite the reader to think about their use of the questions. Remember the last time you asked a customer a "big question" and what you intended or expected to achieve with it.
It was for?:
- Help you identify something, perhaps a positive characteristic, a strength, a guideline, or a blind spot? That the coach better understands the client or the situation? Indicate that you were listening carefully and with genuine interest? Make them “come back” to the main topic? Encourage them to have a moment of discovery (“uh-huh”) Why could you see the solution to the problem and the client couldn't? Test a hypothesis or intuition that you had? Make some kind of suggestion hidden in your question? Question your thinking or reasoning? Something totally different?
I have to admit that I recognize myself when I started: I believed that asking profound questions was the reason why I was called (even today, from time to time, I can fall into the trap). However even though my reasons would have been best-intentioned (or selfish), when I look back I realize that many of those questions were an answer to my schedule, not the client's. Even with good supervision that I've been fortunate to have over the years, I don't think I ever thought of using questions the way I do now.
The problem with the questions
The moment we decide to ask a question, we are directing the conversation to where we think it should go, not where the customer thinks it should go; and yet the customer is the only one who knows that where, as Jake made it clear to me. This conscious choice immediately places us in the role of expert in another person's thinking. Is it who we are, experts? I don't think so if we want to be effective and authentic with our ethical framework. Whatever you have, it sure includes: "Autonomy, respecting the client's right to self-government, and respect, showing others proper consideration for their own self-understanding." What is happening to these basic principles when we choose new questions to direct customer thinking?
What does an alternative approach look like?
I believe that The Thinking Environment ™ developed by Nancy Kline of Time to Think firm offers a sensitive yet robust framework that facilitates the autonomy of clients and my being totally respectful as a coach and as a coach-therapist. Developed around what Kline calls the "Ten Components" - ways of thinking and being that help the thinking of others based on attention, calm and equality - means deploying as few coaching interventions as possible. Why?. So that the client can reach the edge, the limit, of her own thought, and in her own way. The sessions begin with a simple question: "What would you like to think about today and what are your thoughts?" And then I listen,and during that listening the clients develop their own thoughts and questions and answer them themselves, and in a great way. The human mind seems to have a powerful instinct to function like this and I have often been amazed at how gracefully a client can coach himself if I am able to contain myself. I have also been surprised, as in the case of Jake, by the direct, brave and even daring way in which these self-questions can be asked.brave and even daring in which these self-questions can be asked.brave and even daring in which these self-questions can be asked.
Imagine if you could ask your own coach or therapist to ask you your own (yours) question, the one that would get to the core or center of the question. What would this question be like?
Work integratively
This approach is an excellent example of integrative work as a coach-therapist. There are some parallels with person-centered counseling, it is the client who is behind the wheel and we are "non-managers." I also see elements of the psychodynamic approach when the force of silence is used to support the client to develop their own thinking. It also has components similar to the solution-focused approach; for example “The Thinking Environment” has appreciation, attention, encouragement and equality as components, while the solution-focused approach has a “respectful curiosity”, the search for strengths and the belief that people are the experts in all aspects of their own lives, able to decide their own options and to decide for themselves what is right or wrong.Likewise, coaching “without (or free of) content” offers very open questions so that the client can go wherever he wants without being influenced towards a particular route or destination.
However, Nancy Kline did not create this method for use by therapists nor has she ever claimed that it is a therapeutic model, but it is a relationship model. It started with her 20 years ago, especially in educational settings. However, the value it has in both coaching and therapy seems clear. It is interesting to note that many coaching programs recommend Nancy's books without their content being in line with traditional coaching approaches. For example, The Thinking Environment's frame of reference focuses neither on the present nor on the future; the client takes him where he wants, which can also include the past (it is clear that the coach needs a clear and careful evaluation, a good contract and supervision). The client is not assigned tasks between sessions or sessions unless requested;invites and welcomes the expression of feelings that many forms of coaching tend to see as dangerous territory; and does not explicitly seek the achievement of goals, but in a subtle way:
"What would you like to think about today and what are your thoughts?"; or
"What would you like to achieve in this session?"; "Is there anything you would like to write about this?"
Create the conditions for thinking
The session with Jake is an example that if we create the appropriate conditions for the client to explore his thoughts, he will generate his own questions, which in general are much better than ours. They may not even put them into words or verbalize them (many of my clients speak very little but think a lot), but they will most certainly generate them when we provide them with valuable time to think. 9 times out of 10, people will say more when invited with the simple question, "What else do you think, feel, or want to say?" If the conditions are right. Pure, clean, simple with no other agenda than to make the client think for himself. In fact,More and more neuro-psychological research shows how creating the appropriate conditions can calm the amygdala and create feelings of security, confidence and attachment, generating attachment hormones such as dopamine and serotonin. These hormones facilitate exploration of thought and generation of new thoughts without interference from fear. It seems that the 10 components of "The Thinking Environment" offer this possibility to shovels. Paul Brown and Virginia Brown are about to publish their book "Neuropsychology for coaches, understanding the basics" and in it they develop in detail how what we are explaining works. It is crucial that throughout the process we offer clients our sustained and complete attention. Listen to what they say and be fascinated by what they might say next;not wait patiently when they are silent, but with expectation. It means creating the environment of tranquility in which they can feel uncomfortable to facilitate their deepening in which to find the answers and create the changes they seek. It means relying more on my presence than on my questions, letting go of my need to evaluate, analyze, interpret, search for topics or provide them with the moments of "uh-huh." It is not natural but it can become so with training and a lot of practice; and it is liberating for both parts of the coaching relationship.It means relying more on my presence than on my questions, letting go of my need to evaluate, analyze, interpret, search for topics or provide them with the moments of "uh-huh." It is not natural but it can become so with training and a lot of practice; and it is liberating for both parts of the coaching relationship.It means relying more on my presence than on my questions, letting go of my need to evaluate, analyze, interpret, search for topics or provide them with the moments of "uh-huh." It is not natural but it can become so with training and a lot of practice; and it is liberating for both parts of the coaching relationship.
So don't you ever ask?
Of course sometimes the questions are useful and relevant. For example, when we are investigating data or when we ask the client what they want in the session. Or when the client has not reached the expected "insight" despite the favorable conditions for it, then it is when a new question can help.
In sessions with the e Thinking Environment we use the questions to help the client get to the center of the topic, only with their permission and only when we are sure that they have done all the thinking they can without our direct intervention.
Sometimes clients achieve everything they want by freely exploring their thinking. They end the session relieved, decisive and with purpose; and sometimes they want and need more and then we take another step in the process.
For this type of integrated coaching to work well, it is essential that you have authentic faith and trust in the client's intelligence, even valuing them more than your own. Simply put, the mind that has the question or problem is the best mind to answer and solve it. We add value with our presence and our generating attention. The coach is both essential to the process and irrelevant to the result.
Thus…
- Do you spend more time asking good questions than creating conditions in which customers can think well? Do you think you could, even without meaning to, interfere with questions in your customers' thinking? If so, could this not be an alternative liberating for both?
Many counseling and therapy approaches share elements of "The Thinking Environment". If so, I would like to know your opinion.
The ten components of a thinking environment
- Attention. Listen with respect, interest and fascination, and without interruption. Offer the freedom not to operate hastily or urgently. Equality. Treat others as colleagues for thinking, giving similar turns and attention. Respect agreements and limits. Appreciation. Authentically recognize the person's qualities; use a rating of five to one criticism. Stimulate. Offer the value of reaching the most advanced or innovative ideas, distancing yourself from competing internally. Releasing emotions enough to restore thinking. Environment. Create a physical environment that suggests to the customer that it is important. Information. Offer a complete and exact image of reality; provide facts, dismantle denials. Diversity.Accept divergent thinking and add the quality of the differences between us. Incisive questions. Eliminate the assumptions that limit our ability to think clearly and creatively.
In the first part of this article, Linda Aspey stated that clients can think more independently when they are not conditioned by too many questions, especially when they are provided with sustained, uninterrupted care, one of the components of the Thinking Environment (PE). She then outlines how she views the assessment and contract and introduces the other components of the EP, an environment that can work well in an integrative coaching-therapy approach.
Waiting on the 18th floor of a glass tower without much personality, I felt his strong presence as soon as Amira (? 2) approached me; a tall and impressive woman; She speaks quickly, her words clacking like a machine gun. The same thing had been done when we had an exploratory phone conversation right after I had received quite critical feedback from a 360 feedback exercise. After the conversation I was a little groggy, like something drunk.
Apparently, Amira said, I have to develop a different leadership style, assuming this means something; They say that I generate stress and that I am hard on people, that I don't listen, that I am impatient and directive. It may be, but to get results sometimes you have to be like that. I may also be a control junkie but this is how I was born, in fact I was probably telling my mother how I had to change my diapers.
For the first time he paused:
Susan (HR) says I will have to do some work to become material on the management team; This is the reason why I am here.
He stared at me, his voice now cold and flat: "Surely you think I'm wrong in the head," or not, you will have to dedicate yourself to me completely "
Like many readers of this publication, I work with a range of clients in professional settings who primarily want to develop their stress management skills, or their leadership and people management skills, as well as their personal productivity. Some manage to learn more about themselves, in a way that improves their ability to relate and understand others. Some use their sessions as a vehicle to explore the range of their feelings, to analyze how their past influences their present, and to do some restorative work in the context of a safe professional relationship; and sometimes I find clients who are in crisis, very stressed, controlling and impulsive, self-centered and with possibly ego-tuned characteristics or some kind of denial.Perhaps Amira belonged to this last group; or maybe not.
In any coaching or therapeutic relationship, it is important to assess the client's needs and whether or not we as professionals can attend to them. However, since the thinking environment (EP) is more a way of being than of doing, I think a different approach is required.
His underlying philosophy is that the quality of everything we do depends on previous thinking; And our thinking is more valuable when someone grants us their attentive presence, supported by the other components. This is all we do: help someone think authentically well by listening authentically well. When I say this is it, it is all this and more. We are helping to generate new thoughts; we listen to light not to respond. It is simple and complex at the same time; we are not taking the customer on a new road, it is he who drives and we provide the car.
Evaluation, contract and diversity in the EP
In coaching and therapy the initial evaluation seeks a balance between receiving and providing information, and achieving this balance is the basis of the work of the thinking environment (PE). Questions of why the client has come, their willingness and ability to change, the risk assessment and whether it fits with the client's level of capacity, the approach chosen, etc.; all this and more is taken into account.
However, working based on one of the foundations of the thinking environment (PE), and depending on the context, these evaluations may not be so necessary and urgent; if they are important, they will appear as thought appears. Especially in my work with executives, executive teams, broader systems, some of these questions have to be raised at the beginning, what they hope to get from coaching, what is their current emotional state, who else is interested in their development or performance, how those people would know that coaching has been useful, etc.
Amira provided me with some initial information; it had been "sent", it had been given critical feedback and it posed a challenge for me, I experienced it in a very special way. In thinking environment work, it is important to resist making diagnoses. Naturally, we have impressions of people with the possibility of skewing our visions, but we should not analyze or interpret what is said; instead, we must focus on helping the client to think for herself. This is true customer-focused work.
We also have to accept that clients have different points of view from ours; In my experience, EP is especially useful when working in cross-cultural settings. Amira was raised in a culture where women were not expected to have their own professional careers; and if they had it, they abandoned it when they had children; therefore, working and being a mother were not accepted. My role was not to question that belief system, but if Amira's work featured a related topic, help her explore how her belief influenced the treatment she gave to a woman who was dependent on her and had no children. Here is a good example of how important it is to accept and support diversity insofar as it arises from people's thinking, when they do not coincide with ours.
The feelings on the EP
In the EP, it is normal for clients to express their feelings and sometimes they feel distressed. As a former therapist, when I came across the EP, I was concerned that the explicit component of "feelings" might give the client the impression that I was doing more therapy than coaching, but in my experience it is not, although it offers a And yet, I believe that the care and relaxation offered by care allows clients to manage their own limits. It makes them feel safe on exploration and if they are distressed, the continued experience of the EP helps them recover by generating new thoughts soon after. Sort of like the rain that falls after the lightning and thunder storm,the sun that appears next and everything shines.
Are there any circumstances when I would not use the EP?
I don't think so, if the client prefers it and I have the expertise for it. If the client could benefit from a different path such as behavioral behavioral therapy or a visit to their GP, I will recommend it to them; But I don't usually work with people who have clinical depression or mental illness. Even if he did, what a wonderful experience to have the authentic and attentive presence of another person who wants to hear what they have to say!
Is it appropriate for everyone?
Some people only put up with this approach for a while before asking what I think, or saying they hate silence. In a coaching context, some expect their coach to teach or consult them (“if not, why do I pay you all this money?”); and is that as Nancy Kline would say some people have become addicted to receiving answers. It is interesting to note that once they have adapted to the relationship, and experienced the quiet, rest that are part of the process, they learn to be more reflective, less inclined to receive quick responses and less to tell others what or how to think., which naturally has advantages for their lives and work outside the session.
To some it may seem exposed to talk without interruption, without being disturbed; some feel judged by silence, especially if silence has been used like this with them before. Some others, especially those who are shy, may feel embarrassed by the level of Attention. In these cases, I simply adapt my style, perhaps using the conversation more, until they feel relaxed. To a great extent, and with time, these anxieties dissolve and they learn to trust me and the process, they value Attention and they enjoy in the presence of another person who offers them this special space.
And for some clients, it may be that I'm not the right person for them; Of course, this can happen regardless of the coach's approach.
The information in the EP
It is, in itself, one of the components of the EP and it is important to assess the information that the client needs and how when we should offer it to them. For example, I ask what they need to know about the EP and answer their questions. I explain that my role is to help them think well for themselves and not offer advice, opinion, or advice until they have gone as far as they can with their thinking; even in this case, only if I am reasonably sure that what I offer will help them to think more; and that great thoughts can be produced in silence. I add that I am also a trained therapist and that I integrate both disciplines with complete ease, although if you think that traditional therapy may be more useful to you, we can explore the possibility of working with another professional.
It may be helpful to send the client a summary of the EP and some relevant articles. Amira arrived intrigued by the idea and at the same time worried that since she could speak without stopping this work, she could not bring her any benefits. However if the coach asks a client if they have ever experienced someone's sustained attention in an environment without interruption, without fear, without judgment or competition, where appreciation is more important than criticism and where they can freely express their feelings, Most will respond with a “no”, which is how Amira did it. When customers ask me, "What do you think?" I usually reply: Before I answer, can we wait until we see if you have more thoughts? In general they show their agreement and I will ask the question "And what else?"However providing an EP does not mean that we cannot answer any questions directly. The information is useful if you have some facts to help you think or if the client is denying something that is true and it would be useful to intervene to, as Nancy Kline says, "dismantle the denial."
Sometimes I give my opinion when asked why I am human and thus we create equality; And sometimes I will answer because not doing it can be very frustrating for the client who can feel like in a psychoanalysis if I repeatedly reject her question.
Although naturally with our training and experience we can offer clients models, frames of reference and perspectives, or suggest some useful reading, we have to be sure that we offer this information to the service of the client's continuous thinking, not to show what we know. This “spectrum of independence (Nancy Klein) is always present in our minds as EP professionals, how we encourage clients to continue to think for themselves, and when we move along the spectrum to potentially direct their thinking.
Create the physical environment of thought
In the EP it is especially important to have a “place” that facilitates thinking. Comfort, constant and quiet privacy and the place should indicate to the clients that they are important. My explanation of the EP is quite brief, it is not necessary to relate in detail the ten components, the client is able to capture them if he wishes. The most important thing is that you experience them. However, from the beginning it is important to explain the attention, because unlike other forms of coaching and therapy, there are few that are done in PE, the eye contact with the coach is constant and his attention is deep. If the customer is unaware of this, and if they do not agree with it, it can make them nervous. And I explain the assumptions that are present in everything we do and often limit thinking because they are often negative or self-critical.Even mentioning them at the beginning of the session can help the client to work with them. As they settle into the session, and hear themselves, their thinking out loud, it is quite frequent that they suddenly stop in the middle of a sentence with a rhetorical question: “wait a minute, what is it? what am I assuming here regarding this? " They just generated a new thought, a moment of the light bulb on. Then they continue to discover a multitude of assumptions, and then, without any observation on my part, they frighten them like flies: "of course, it is nonsense and it will not happen and if it happens I have resources to manage the situation."Quite often it suddenly stops in the middle of a sentence with a rhetorical question: "Wait a minute, what am I assuming here about this?" They just generated a new thought, a moment of the light bulb on. Then they continue to discover a multitude of assumptions, and then, without any observation on my part, they frighten them like flies: "of course, it is nonsense and it will not happen and if it happens I have resources to manage the situation."Quite often it suddenly stops in the middle of a sentence with a rhetorical question: "Wait a minute, what am I assuming here about this?" They just generated a new thought, a moment of the light bulb on. Then they continue to discover a multitude of assumptions, and then, without any observation on my part, they frighten them like flies: "of course, it is nonsense and it will not happen and if it happens I have resources to manage the situation."they frighten them like flies: "of course, it is nonsense and it will not happen and if it happens I have resources to manage the situation".they frighten them like flies: "of course, it is nonsense and it will not happen and if it happens I have resources to manage the situation".
Rest, equality, encouragement and appreciation
Frequently, in the environments in which I work, clients assume that I will tell them what they have to think, how to do it, what I think and they expect from me a “hard love”; especially in competitive environments. Amira told me that two years ago she had had a coach who was very good because "he behaved hard towards me"; They want to be questioned, gossip or argue, and sometimes compete for intellectual superiority (the same can be said of some coaches with their clients). Some want a wise guru, others like to be admonished and provoked; I can do this as well as anyone and sometimes it's even fun. But does it really help the customer? An essential element of the EP is creating the conditions for the client to generate their own and more refined thinking, create their own solutions and make their own changes.Many clients already hear a lot of thinking from others (often in the form of criticism of what they need to change, or a sympathetic compliment because they occupy high-level positions) and have not generated their own thinking, their own creation. There is no reason for me to do the same. I am just like them, not an expert or their teacher or critic and I am not working with them to evaluate them against my frame of reference (equality is an especially important component when we use EP in groups to ensure everyone's voice is heard so that what is created comes from everyone's thought).your own creation. There is no reason for me to do the same. I am just like them, not an expert or their teacher or critic and I am not working with them to evaluate them against my frame of reference (equality is an especially important component when we use EP in groups to ensure everyone's voice is heard so that what is created comes from everyone's thought).your own creation. There is no reason for me to do the same. I am just like them, not an expert or their teacher or critic and I am not working with them to evaluate them against my frame of reference (equality is an especially important component when we use EP in groups to ensure everyone's voice is heard so that what is created comes from everyone's thought).
I also want to calm her amygdala, not excite her; tranquility not urgency. There is much research on the effect of competition on the brain and body. For example, what is known as the “winner effect”: in especially young men, the level of testosterone rises in competitive situations and success substantially reduces the risk of fear. Intense failure produces an increase in cortisol, the anti-testosterone hormone that decreases appetite for risk in a wide range of decisions. However, if I am helping someone think, I don't want to create win or lose conditions. And if in your leadership role you are helping others to think, I hope they can create the conditions in which everyone's thinking can flourish, not just that of those who find themselves in competitive situations.In the EP it is essential to stimulate, which means not competing with clients for the best ideas and stimulating them to advance as much as they can with their own thinking. And appreciation - the act of recognizing and valuing an authentic quality not as a reaction to your status or our need to be loved - is of vital importance in this work.
It is interesting to highlight the research done by "The Institute of Heartmath" that shows that appreciation and other feelings of the heart, such as love and compassion, really change heart rhythms and can have positive effects on our cardiovascular system and general health.
The community of thought. Assumptions and incisive questions
The community of thought is a process with stages; The first is the "free exploration" in which we ask: "What would you like to think about and what are your thoughts about it?" Aided by the care and the other components, the client will really self-coach. When the conditions are right, the mind seems to do by itself, naturally, what the coach does. When necessary, we will ask: "What else do you need to think, feel or want to say?", And this will facilitate the client to continue generating thought. If from time to time we distance ourselves from the session based on the Thinking Environment, it is because we have accepted it in the contract, perhaps setting goals at the beginning of the work. In the first part of this work,I explain that many clients come to the end of the EP and conclude the session because they know what they want to do and how they will do it. Sometimes they need more and that's when we move on to the second part. We invite you to come up with another goal or objective for the session: "What else would you like to achieve in the rest of the session?" They generally think for a moment and maybe go back to the first part for more free exploration. Nancy Kline has identified eight types of potential goals and we will work with each one slightly differently. Many of these goals have to do with limiting assumptions; others with the need for more information or activity."What else would you like to achieve in the rest of the session?" They generally think for a moment and maybe go back to the first part for more free exploration. Nancy Kline has identified eight types of potential goals and we will work with each one slightly differently. Many of these goals have to do with limiting assumptions; others with the need for more information or activity."What else would you like to achieve in the rest of the session?" They generally think for a moment and maybe go back to the first part for more free exploration. Nancy Kline has identified eight types of potential goals and we will work with each one slightly differently. Many of these goals have to do with limiting assumptions; others with the need for more information or activity.
At the end of a very productive first session Amira said she wanted to be less controlling. She was running out of control and driving people away. I wanted to be closer, more patient, and enjoy life more. In working with the EP, if we want to help clients work on their goals we need to put the words differently. Many of these goals are linked to limiting assumptions, others to the need for more information or activity. Put words in a way that you can remember because we will remind you of your goal over and over again with your own words in the session. So I asked Amira if she could put in a few words the goals that she had explained to me. She thought for a moment and said: "I would like to relax a little"; Then I asked him, "What do you assume is keeping you from relaxing a little?"
Surprised, her eyes widened and her assumptions began to emerge, one by one: "I guess I can't because I've always been like this"; "I assume things will not go well if I don't control them." After discovering a few more assumptions, she was silent. I waited a moment and asked, "What else are you assuming that is keeping you from relaxing a bit?" and so more assumptions came out. When words are put to all these assumptions, we can help the client which of them are the ones that most prevent him from achieving the objective and, then, comparing them with a set of neutral criteria, assess if they are true, possibly true or totally uncertain. Often a limiting assumption is lived as truth that is not true; it is vital to help the client break it down and recognize it as uncertain and limiting.Below we invite you to think about what is true and liberating for them in order to achieve the goal.
In the first session Amira's goal was to relax a little and her most powerful assumption that she had to control all situations, which upon exploring and checking it, she concluded that it was not true. What was true and liberating - in her own words - was that she could occasionally leave others to take command. Finally, by creating an incisive question, using exactly her own words and her own goal, the question arose: "If you knew you could let others take over from time to time, how would you relax a little?" And a list of new possibilities full of energy and totally her appeared. Clients may have lived their assumptions for years and realize how difficult their lives have been,which frees them but also produces a shock ("Time to think" and "More Time to Think" explain this questioning technique in more detail)
I have found that working this way creates an environment of deep, unconditional, positive consideration, healing, and goal achievement that is tailored to even the most demanding clients.
Amira and I continued working for six months. Sometimes it was very exhausting for both of us; I needed regular supervision to stay anchored and I had to work above all to maintain calm, rest.
However, in the end Amira ended up being much more self-confident, much more capable of liking herself, more tolerant, significantly more appreciative and appreciative of the efforts of others, and more capable of creating an EP for others. She had relaxed a little and the result was that she improved a lot.
Footnotes:
- Source: www.timetothink.com Her real name is not Amira. Segments of their sessions are presented with your permission to illustrate this article.
Linda Aspey is AICYP President and certified consultant in “Time to Think”, Coach and facilitator.
The original of this article was published by AICTP Summer 2012 Issue 1. By Linda Aspey FBACP, President of AICTP, and Time to Think consultant, coach and facilitator www.coachingforleaders.co.uk. Translation: Carlos Herreros.
