If we are given the task of describing an interaction between a cat and a dog, we can make typical comments: "the cat meows, the dog shows its teeth, the cat arches its back, the dog barks, the cat…". Just as important as the particular actions described is the sequence in which they occur, and, to some extent, any cat behavior becomes understandable only in the context of the dog's behavior.
From toads to princes, John Grinder and Richard Bandler, 1980 There are numerous definitions of what is and what is not communication, however, as NLP - Neurolinguistic Programming - is interested in concrete results, before providing a definition we could ask us the following questions:
How do we detect that two or more people are communicating?
What can we see as significant in the people who interact?
What does the existence of communication indicate to us?
If we pay attention to what happens in an interaction we realize that the actions of one person only make sense in the context of the actions linked to those of the other or others. Regardless of the mode of communication in play (words, silences, gestures…) there is always a coordinated sequence between the subjects involved. Therefore we can say that Communication is the process where the action or experience of one person and the action and experience of the / s other / s occur in a coordinated way.
A very graphic metaphor when we talk about coordinated sequence is that of dance.
In a dance company the parties involved dance to the beat of the music to their own choreography and all are synchronized in an ensemble full of harmony and beauty.
There are times when one of the dancers leads the movement of the other (or others), there are times when it is the other who guides him, there are times when no one guides anyone…
When NLP creators Richard Bandler and John Grinder, at the University of Santa Cruz, California, set out to study human communication in 1973, they did something very simple: study what good communicators did.
What was a good communicator for Bandler and Grinder? Good question!
Those who were able to communicate fluently and easily with different types of people, in different contexts and at various levels.
Those who were able to get the message across to the recipient so that the recipient clearly understood it.
Those who were able to obtain answers that others did not know how to achieve.
Based on their studies they proposed this basic principle of communication:
It is impossible NOT TO COMMUNICATE.
Whenever there is an interaction even in silence there is communication. We may not be very satisfied with the results obtained, however we can see the fruits that we have gathered from our attempt to improve communication on the next occasion.
In communication there are no failures, there are only results.
Whatever you do and whatever you wear, you will always transmit a message with your behavior: when you speak, when you do not speak, when you stop speaking…
And if this were not enough, it is important to remember another great secret that we easily forget:
It is impossible NO INFLUENCE.
In any daily conversation, however impartial you want to remain, your message, with a specific form and content, will generate a certain conscious or unconscious reaction in the receiver.
The maps of what each considers "reality" will be built and nuanced from the sum of all messages expressed. The network of all those words will generate a plot, an alchemy in which you are responsible for that ingredient (verbal and non-verbal) that can turn lead into gold or vice versa, so we can ensure that _ We are agents of change with our speech and with our silence.
They say that words are blown away by the wind, and yet we support our vision of the world and our identity with them. We also know that the course of universal history has changed on many occasions thanks to words.
Shakespeare collects in his work Henry VI the famous harangue that he made his soldiers, in a frank minority against the enemy troops, emerge victorious after the angry words of their king, exalting values that transcend fear of death: the defense of his honor, of their families, he gave up to the last breath for a good cause… With words charged with meaning, he managed to get a group of peasants to end an entire professional army.
The course of many stories of people closest to us has varied depending on the ability - innate or acquired - to transmit to others a dream, a project, an invention, a proposal, a masterpiece…
The techniques that NLP has developed allow us to acquire skills so that your voice resonates in your center, so that your posture accompanies your dream, so that your speech is understood by a certain audience… this way you can get closer to transmitting without barriers what you are and want. Surely we all know some of those "geniuses" of music, painting, computing, or whatever, whose quality is beyond doubt and who, however, are so incapable of presenting with "presence" what They make it difficult for them to live on the orders of their friends.
It is useful to consider what seeds or skills we have left to cultivate.
And if you are interested in improving communication to direct your life, realize your dreams… it is lawful and wise to propose to practice those skills that are pending training. In fact it can be an exciting journey. You can learn to structure the message according to the characteristics of the interlocutor, have a correct posture, a centered voice, and a lot of small details that, aligned with our being, convey harmony and truthfulness. However, a previous step that no one can take for you is the firm decision to begin to express openly the beauty of your Being so that the whole universe is nourished by your brightness. In this sense, the words of Nelson Mandela seem exciting to us:
Our deepest fear is to recognize.
That we are inconceivably powerful.
It is not our darkness, but our light.
what scares us the most.
As we allow our light to radiate, without realizing it, we are allowing other people to do the same.
By freeing ourselves from our own fears, Our presence automatically frees others. We want your communication to flow from your heart, as it is not worth wasting time communicating from a place that makes no sense to yourself.
