I hear frequent laments from parents very concerned about the authority that prevails within their home. They are concerned if indeed the way they lead their family is appropriate and if their children will have consequences for their attitude.
Today, the family triangle consisting of children, mother and father seems to have altered their position. Sometimes the position favors the mother, others the father, or the children.
Be careful if the children send
For multiple reasons, not always attributable to parents, in families they send children and not when they are older, but since they were young; and when the children rule at home, they do it with tyranny, taking the reins that do not correspond to them. And dad and mom suffer for it.
By allowing this attitude to your children, you are creating offensive beings, spoiling them by pleasing them and spoiling them too much, making them feel superior to others. These spoiled children believe that they deserve special treatment from everyone and that what they do and want is always appropriate. They lose all sense of responsibility by wanting to manipulate parents and thinking that their problems are always caused by them. These spoiled children transform into offensive, selfish, irresponsible, lazy adults, etc. The truth, these, with their child wounded in this way, suffer greatly from the attitude they assume towards life, in addition to causing enormous damage to their loved ones; Call yourselves children, family, friends, colleagues, etc.
The empire of matriarchy
In other homes, the mother is the one in charge of the house. This may not be strange for the Tabasco people because just fifty years ago our grandmothers also took them, but it had more to do with the purely domestic areas. Today, the decisions they make are related to the domestic and also to the external, with the small things of daily living and with great responsibilities.
One of the causes that changed the assignment of some roles in the home is the incorporation of women into paid work. This activity tends to value shared responsibility for family tasks, especially in relation to children. For women, work has meant a possibility of personal development, and the remuneration received constitutes a significant complement to family income. This has had an effect on family roles and economic relationships, on patterns of authority and hierarchy, and on the distribution of responsibilities. It is in this way that it is proposed that women have acquired greater participation in decision-making and, in general, a more equal relationship with their partner.
The Women's Rebellion
In areas such as finance and the purchase of goods, men still have a lot to say. However, it is common for them to admit that they do not decide until they consult with their women. Through both (a term that defines them acting as a couple), women are gaining ground in decision-making that until not long ago competed only with men. Influencing it or deciding with it. Adding and adding, the weight of the responsibilities makes the balance be loaded towards the feminine side. And we have it determining the children's school, the clothes that the husband buys, the type of house that will be acquired, the place of the vacations, the doctor that will take care of them, the domestic service that he will hire, the contraceptive method that will be used and even the frequency of sexual relations. Because in the latter, he asks or demands.But she opens or closes the passage. Thus, directly or indirectly, she decides.
The typical male who won't budge
Many men, even in these times, consider the participation of women as a form of domination and not equality. How should man rethink his attitude to adapt to change and not suffer it?
First, forming their own criteria, because many behave in a traditional and macho way for fear of what they will say. Second, understanding that any change requires patience. Third, being aware that men and women can develop equally in all areas, and that this is not exclusive, but complementary. Fourth, it is important for the man to become aware that spending more time with his family will help him to enjoy the emotional part that he has always been deprived of. Fifth, it must be considered that the distribution of responsibilities, for example the economic ones, will free you from a large part of the family burden.
Authority, authoritarianism, or anarchy
Authority can be confused with authoritarianism depending on how you take charge of your home. When you make and exercise decisions ecologically (good for yourself and acceptable to others), then you exercise leadership with authority. But in some cases you impose your will and that's when your "little whim" is in charge of your decisions and you frequently commit injustices that lead you to greater conflicts for transforming yourself into a miserable dictator. That is when authoritarianism exists, and it is in these circumstances that families are attacked and often end up in a sudden separation.
The crisis of authority has reached such an extreme that the simple statement of the word arouses animosity. When faced with the simple enunciation of the question "Who do you think is in charge at your house?", Young people today frequently answer: "My house is not a barracks and nobody is in charge." "We are free people", "there is no one in charge, we all send something", are some of the most common expressions to demonstrate that there is no well-defined authority in your home. That's when anarchy in the home is suspected. In the long run, this attitude of emptiness of authority causes each member of the family to do their will and end up fighting fiercely when they really need to make important decisions.
What about discipline
My point of view in this regard is that the authority in the home is shared among all family members according to the responsibilities they have and the role they are playing at that time. Dad must have limited and sufficient authority for the family to go in the same direction. This authority must be exercised with a stick and a staff, that is, when the family has to be handled delicately, then he will have to use the staff, but when necessary he will impose adequate sanctions (without exaggeration) to worthily punish the offender. This will have to be consulted and discussed with mom, because mom's love is unconditional love and she sees things differently than dad will have to consider.
One aspect of child discipline that is easily taken for granted is the "house rules." Children need to know what the limits are. Many parents assume that the "house rules" would be too numerous to put in writing, but it is important that they write the rules and learn them. For example, rule 6 is: "In this house we do not hurt each other with inconsiderate words or actions", rule 14 is: "In this house we do not cause unnecessary work for others", rule 19 is: "When we do not we know what to do, we ask ». The rules should cover attitudes to misconduct that our children are most likely to fall into. All our rules should start with "In this house…" to help our children understand that the house is not like the houses of their family or friends.
A tip based on experience
Finally, it only remains for me to tell you parents not to fight over who is in charge of the house, the important thing is that there is a map, a compass and a ship that takes you all together towards the happiness. But this only happens if family members are willing to succeed.
