"I work day and night for my children", "I do not understand why he is so ungrateful if we have given him everything", "you cannot be lazy with your children, education must include punishments and beatings if necessary", "We must watch who our children get together so that others do not harm them", "the use of earrings, tattoos and rare fashions is evidence of drug use we must do the doping test without them noticing", "the guilty is the father who is very permissive, I am the heavy hand in the house. If it wasn't for me, he would have totally lost himself. ” "My son is a good-for-nothing, he has spent his life studying and still has not achieved anything."
These are only part of the most common statements from fathers and mothers concerned about behaviors that they do not understand in their children and with which they feel that they have lost all possibility of success to guide them on "the right path". Unfortunately, there is no school that teaches us how to be parents and not make the same mistakes that ours made when raising us.
Children are a great responsibility and it is certain that no one wants to fail in this great mission that without a doubt is the most important in our lives: educating them, feeding them, keeping them healthy, taking care of them from all danger and guiding them based on our own experiences.
It is therefore very convenient that, if we have not already done so, we make the decision to correct bad practices and attitudes in the face of the challenges that present us day after day and to integrate behaviors that are increasingly consistent with the formation of a being. Integral human prepared to face the adversities of life and fully enjoy its benefits, thus becoming a reference for others and their own offspring.
But we cannot do this without at least considering the following statements:
a) As long as we are alive we have not failed, there is always an opportunity to make the best of every situation.
b) We too were poorly bred in many ways. With little or no training or guidance, we have done our best.
c) The help of a professional is always good when the situation is beyond our reach.
d) Each stage of a human being's life is different and our role through time as well.
e) Everything can be achieved with love and without it almost everything is difficult or impossible.
"Children are independent people, not an extension of us." I also heard this from a group reflection on the subject. I think we should start there: treating our children as we would like them to treat us, respecting our way of being, without comparisons, sarcasm or ridicule, highlighting our virtues and abilities and making the most fair criticisms and corrections to the points that we must improve. Then you will have to be patient and follow up (not spying) to see changes as a result.
But it is a life-long job that we must do with ourselves to learn how to do it with those who follow in our footsteps. If we do not run over when we make a mistake or do not give our best, we must be fair and not do it with our children. In this way we can teach them that their peers should not be mistreated just because they are not perfect.
Children, adolescents, young people and adults are all susceptible to the same errors, so we should document ourselves about them, consult, review how we have overcome them and if they have not, how do we think we can instruct the youngest?
Fatherhood is like a trip to which we have invited someone without his permission, he is our guest, therefore the least we can do with him is teach him to enjoy the landscape, take care of the dangers that he will not be able to handle at each stage, but allow you to take appropriate risks to it. A baby should not light a stove or connect electrical appliances, however how can we prevent him from trying to walk? The adolescent will always be tempted by sexual offers, but can we prevent him from discovering love? The adult may ask us for advice, but is it fair that we don't help him face the world on his own?
It is a very delicate balance between the good, the bad, the convenient and the adequate, but it is possible to achieve it if we look for the answers daily and not pretend that we already know everything. In fact, you learn a lot on this journey by making mistakes, asking for forgiveness and making new commitments with those you love most.
If things are not going well, it is also wrong to totally blame the environment or other people for what is our responsibility. We all have different parenting conditions, apparently life itself is unfair because no two cases are the same. But there is precisely the beauty of the trip: each one will live her own adventure, she will be able to direct her own feature film, some with more resources, therefore with more responsibilities, others with less, that is to say, with more.
There is a fundamental guiding question: when our lives end, if we start first, what inheritance will give more meaning to the lives of our children? :
• 90% of the time I could spend with them invested in work, making a fortune that I couldn't enjoy with them?
• A relationship full of reproaches and fights sometimes without justification, just to show who is in charge?
• Or a legacy of love and wisdom that will bring you closer to the inexhaustible essence of life?
I would definitely prefer the last option for my children, now, can I show a path that was not taught to me, of which I have no idea? How can a blind man guide another blind man? How to teach to love if we have never loved?
Let's not waste any more time, everything hangs on a decision and we walk towards it. Like the day we decided to change jobs because we deserved better, or change the vehicle, or buy our house. It's all a matter of a second of bravery. Let's start the journey to our fullness right now, knowing that we are in the middle of the jungle without a map to guide us; but that it is worse to stand there or walk much deeper, where we will be completely lost and without remedy.
