Write down on a paper the activities that you do. She performs in one day and in which she spends most of her time. Words like: direct, manage, facilitate, order, correct, organize, solve, etc. are likely to be on this list.
The main difference between the work of an executive and a person who works assembling or assembling parts of an apparatus, is that the executive spends most of his time in conversation. Even more, if it is a manager. What are meetings, meetings and calls but conversations?
To direct, correct, guide, manage, facilitate, send, etc., it is necessary to talk. Why is it then that we spend so little time on the way we converse in an organization? There are very few companies that dedicate time to these reflections, there are even organizations in which open conversation is a failure.
Normally, when we find breaks that must be solved, we refer directly to the process to see what went wrong, who was wrong, is the process correct or should it be improved? Even in the face of situations in which processes fracture, we reflect little on the way in which the people involved interact, that is, the way they converse…
The main function of a leader is to facilitate the processes that produce certain results and will allow a business to be successful or not. But in each process there are always people included. Therefore, there is no more powerful way than directing and facilitating than through conversation. The more effective our conversations, the more effective we are.
The word converse comes from the Latin "conversus" which means "to convert." In other words, as we talk, we become someone else, we transform ourselves through the word. A person will never be the same after having conversed with another, a work team is transformed according to the conversations between its members… This is because conversations not only modify actions and results, they modify the person herself. An organization is what it is because the people who form it are who they are.
Private and public conversations.
However. I can make a conscious effort to motivate my group's collaborators to obtain better results through conversations of a positive nature, approaching them, showing them the friendly side of the coin. Still, this does not guarantee that the results obtained will improve or that my attempt at rapprochement will be fruitful. Often, we hire consultants who charge large amounts of money to motivate collaborators. In most cases, successes are momentary and after a few months the situation reverses and frustration comes.
From my point of view, the answer is that there are unopened conversations that are opposite to the conversations that you, through the consultant or in person, want to have with the group.
Think of a person at your job that you really don't like. Now imagine this person comes up with a box of chocolates on their birthday. This person comes with the best intentions to give you a gift, but you really dislike him, "you dislike him." It is probable that in this situation you think: "You want to buy me, you need a favor", "surely you are interested in getting along with me and that is why you bring me chocolates". After all, you receive the gift and kindly thank you (public conversation) because it is good manners to do so, but the feeling of displeasure does not disappear (private conversation), even when it comes to the most expensive and tasty chocolates. Now imagine this same situation with a person at your job that you trust and enjoy. Is it different? I bet it is.Your private conversation, what you don't say when you say something, is positive, and your judgments about this person are also positive.
If you want to achieve better results in your work team, seek to have new and better conversations with your people. For this, it is necessary to understand and take charge of private conversations, both the team and yours, since it is private conversations that dominate all conversational systems. This is achieved through openness, through interaction in which thoughts and emotions are not distorted and by being aware of one's own judgments, fears and rigidities. The closer our public conversations are to our private conversations, the more open and open our dialogue will be and therefore more powerful.
Here is an exercise that was recommended to me by a person I admire very much and that can be useful in identifying how close our public conversations are with private ones:
Bring your mind to a recent work conversation that you consider toxic and unproductive. Find what emotionality was in the conversation and relive it.
Write on lined paper (any sheet of lined notebook can do) and write it as you remember it as a play: Example:
- Me: "Hello, did you finish the report?"
- He / She: "no, I didn't have time to do it".
It is important that you leave at least one or two rulers between each intervention to be able to do the exercise.
As if it were a play, give the conversation a title.
So far, you have written your public conversation with that person. Carefully read what you have written and reflect: What are my judgments about this person? What was my emotional state prior to the conversation?
On the empty rulers and in a different color, write the private conversation between each intervention, that is, what you really meant by that phrase. In the same way, write below what your interlocutor says, what you think or feel that person really wanted to say. Feel free to write whatever comes to your mind. Example:
- Me: "Hello, did you finish the report?"
He never does things on time, I bet he hasn't finished the report: I'm going to ask him
- He / She: "no, I didn't have time to do it".
Again asking about the report, you want to control everything!
Title the "parallel work" and compare one with the other. Reflect on this. It is very likely that you now know the reason why your conversation with this person was not effective.
Remember that:
- 80% of the effectiveness in a conversation is based on listening. Not surprisingly we have two ears and a single mouth. You can get better results and more effective processes by changing the way you talk, even with yourself. Conversing effectively is not easy, you must train and practice. Find courses, articles, and books on the subject. I personally recommend Rafael Echeverría's book “Ontología del Lenguaje”, where you will find extensive and complete information on this topic. Avoid forcing conversations on your team, take charge of listening and understanding the private conversations that dominate the group. Openness starts with yourself, your efforts will be of no use if you don't first learn to observe your own conversations and work on yourself.
