Human beings have multiple needs. In fact we cannot survive without the support of others who give us care and affection. Part of what we require we can achieve autonomously, but another part corresponds to obtain it from the hands of others, to whom we can snatch or ask what we need. And since any demonstration of domination or violence tends to generate negative reactions, we have as a resource to ask, which, as many will already know, is not necessarily easy, but a true and unknown art.
Asking can be defined as the action of requesting, begging, suing, proposing or asking someone to give or do something that we need, want or want. It is asked for dissatisfaction or desire for improvement. And who ask? Everyone asks.
The child asks to be fed when he is hungry, he asks the seller to buy him, the journalist asks for information, the scholar asks for wisdom, the lover asks for love, the eroticized asks for pleasure, the needy asks for food or money, the politician asks for the vote, the sinner asks for forgiveness and the condemned also asks for mercy. We ask with the mouth and with the gesture. Those who best use the words ask with them and those who best manage the body use it as bait and weapon.
Unfortunately, our requests are not always heard. This is because we ask the wrong people, and because we ask at the wrong times and in the wrong ways. It is not a question here that we should become inactive pedigrees or begging professionals. What it is about is to understand that those who ask and know how to ask achieve more, and less those who do not ask or do not know how to make an effective request.
Why don't we ask? If we need but do not ask, it is because of shyness, resignation, ignorance or pride.
Ignorance of the power to ask, of the law of averages that always produces some benefit to the one who tries; from the premise that people are conditioned to give and like to give because that makes them feel important.
Pride, since it avoids affecting the external image and the self-image that is sometimes too idealized. Resignation to live below the true possibilities, which means in the words of Antonio Blay: "to be a light bulb of 100 lighting 20." And shyness or fear of rejection, because we attach too much importance to the acceptance of others and, above all, as Ellis affirms, we crave it in a neurotic way, because we want it to be total (that everyone accepts and loves me always) and if not happens we suffer for it.
Asking is not a bad thing. In fact the Bible invites us to do it. In Luke 9 and 10, it can be read: “And I say to you: ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Because everyone who asks receives; and he who seeks finds; and to the caller it will be opened. For Kopmeyer, a student of the subject of personal success, asking is a true art that demands mastering certain criteria, such as: Asking the right people, asking appropriately (do not demand, yells or threatens) promptly asking, insistently asking (despite indifferences, evasions, postponements and rejections), ask patiently.
Let's review these indications more carefully.
Asking the right people implies that you should ask whoever you can give to, whoever has the real capacity not to be unnecessarily frustrated. There is always the risk of receiving a refusal, but this is reduced, if you choose wisely before making your request. If you ask someone you don't have, it will make you feel bad and you will waste time.
Asking appropriately means doing it assertively, looking the person in the eye, and expressing your desire clearly and honestly, without challenging, humiliating, demanding or threatening, as these methods produce frequent and resounding failures.
Ordering in time implies searching for the right moment. You would not ask for a marriage in the middle of a car accident, nor would you ask for an increase a week after being employed. It would simply be inappropriate. In his book: How to Get Rich, Donald Trumph recounts how he nearly fired an excellent employee who chose to request a pay raise one day when Trumph had numerous setbacks and was already at night in dismay at his office. He advised him, not in a very good mood, to learn to develop a sense of opportunity.
You must ask insistently. This means not giving up at the first refusal. Ask the cause of "no" and rebut it undisturbed, argue calmly and ask again. At a time when I sold the Encyclopedia Britannica, a lady told me she was not interested, I insisted without attacking, and she insisted on refusing. I insisted and she again refused. To my surprise the next day she called me to buy. Do not be overcome by indifference, evasion, postponement or rejection.
Patiently asking is nothing more than knowing how to wait. Today's "no" can become tomorrow's "yes" if you know how to wait the necessary time for processes to mature.
You should know that "there is no free food". You will not be able to avoid paying a price for what you receive, so you must know, calculate and pay it. You can give in return something that you have and the other needs. Get to order or do something better, give before you go to order.
Productive relationships are always those that rest on fairness and equity, nothing to call only when you need to. Make calls or visits to maintain the links. If you are going to ask for advice and they will give it to you for free, invite them to eat and pay the bill. Do not act in a utilitarian way, because it will be very badly stopped and they will avoid it in the future.
So value the power of asking and learning art. Follow these tips, ask, ask for more, ask many, do it right, for something equivalent in return and you will be amazed at the wonderful results. Thanks for reading me.
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