Many relationships and schools have told us that selfishness is a defect, causing numerous forms of suffering. However, those who forget themselves may need to know and practice what is now known as "positive selfishness."
Selfishness has always been considered a defect, almost a sin, causing conflict and suffering. In fact, few would be proud to publicly admit any selfish tendency, since formal education and especially religious education, urges us to help the other, to develop solidarity, empathy and a sense of sacrifice. I fully agree with this need to support others, and I believe as the Buddhists of the so-called “Gran Vía, that more than saving ourselves, we must learn to save ourselves all.
However, in order to carry the weight of others, we must first learn to carry our own weight.
I know many well-intentioned people, who have long endeavored to illuminate the neighbors' house, without having managed until now to illuminate their own homeland, be it through carelessness, inexperience, laziness or incapacity.
These people, who are very good at reviewing and helping others, require their own review, their own introspection, which is often ignored by them. It is up to them to help themselves and strengthen themselves, before continuing on the path of leadership or service. This is only possible, from personal honesty, from the search for congruence, which is what could lead them to take the time to settle down, in a process that we could well call “positive selfishness”.
I define “positive selfishness” as a capacity that allows us to participate in the diverse contexts of social bonding, as a couple, family, company and society, without losing our identity, without depersonalizing ourselves, and without yielding to the cultural alienation derived from social pressure of inclusion and the personal need for acceptance and approval ”. In this sense it is related to self-esteem as it is a manifestation of appreciation and respect for our needs, values, objectives and inclinations.
In contrast, negative egoism is one that has as its essential feature the primacy of one's own and the indifference or underestimation of the needs of others. Selfish behavior from the traditional perspective is exclusive and arrogant, while from the point of view of positive selfishness, all people matter, but the power to direct, hoard or interfere in our lives is taken away.
The positive egoist chooses his priorities, and in the face of external pressure, establishes limits of affinity, space and time. This means that you agree to open the doors of your world, to everything that may align or fit in your path, instead of modifying your plans every time someone promotes or requests it. It indicates who enters, until when and how far.
The positive egoist is not intransigent, he is not closed to the world or to the new. Nor does he refuse to review his convictions, which are, in fact, perfectible and modifiable. He is only a person with clear vision and firm conduct and assertive expression. He knows that it is up to him and God alone to choose how he wants or should live. And although he is open to listening to opinions, he does not accept that they be imposed on him.
The positive selfish values generosity, but before carrying your load, he will tell you how you can carry it yourself, because he thinks that each person has a responsibility to face, and that lying down from others, is only valid from incapacitating disease, extreme poverty, or the worthy position of having tried before the use of own resources.
It is possible that this type of person, or rather this type of behavior, makes us uncomfortable, because his speech pushes us to grow and develop autonomy. Phrases like: "That is your problem", "you should have thought before", "face your consequences", or "I told you so", they may be empty of touch but they are also full of dramatic truth. And as the saying goes: "The truth hurts."
It is very easy to criticize positive selfish people, but if we take a look without prejudice, we will see that it is a long list of people who feel authorized to throw their problems at us, to interfere in our lives, to direct us, to "suggest" what It would be in our interest, and we would be penalized if we insist on acting independently, authentically or differently.
Many friends, couples, mothers-in-law, work or study colleagues, neighbors and even strangers, dare to ask indiscreet questions, ask for foolish favors, or impose their vision of things on us without having requested it, and, according to what they affirm “by our own good". That's when a little bit of positive selfishness is required, ”to stop them and help them get“ behind the yellow line. ”
Reflect on this, and if you conclude that you are one of those people who have thrown themselves out, who lives for the world and has forgotten you and your priorities, you may well be rescued with a little of the medicine you prescribe. " positive selfishness ”. Thanks for reading me. www.laexcelencia.com.
