It is common in today's world to meet people who treasure the habit of arguing, although they express that it is not their desire, that the provocations are external and that they know that it is something negative. Are you one of those people full of excuses that justify countless confrontations? Keep reading.
With few exceptions, human beings live in groups. This forces us to maintain relationships with relatives, neighbors, friends, coworkers and strangers, with whom we coordinate actions that allow us to live in community. As you can imagine, we do not always manage to agree on tastes, desires, interests or needs, and the options available for harmony are: move away from the territory of controversy or reach agreements. Otherwise, the result is unrest, confrontation, and conflict.
Although it sounds reasonable that people prefer to decide on friendly arrangements, harmony and peace, what we see as everyday reality is that the number of interpersonal collisions increases in frequency and intensity, and the consequences of these collisions become greater.
Since the human mind gets used to everything, it is also possible to get used to living in conflict, and see as "normal", the expression of differences in a hidden way, subtly or frontally, so that the friction brings responses of indifference, gossip, arguments or violent physical contacts.
In the family environment it is discussed almost daily, with scripts cyclically repeated. According to Chloe Madanes, a specialist in "Brief Therapy", conflicts unconsciously seek to achieve four basic psychological objectives: To dominate and control, to be loved, to love and protect, and to repent and forgive. Depending on the case and the objective, people express themselves verbally and non-verbally in different ways: criticism, screaming, abuse, punishment, illness, rivalry, exhaustion, lack of control, deception, isolation and other modalities.
Almost always, the initial manifestation of these uncomfortable situations is discussion., A term that I define as a communicative act in which opinions are confronted, and in which each party tries to convince the other of its point of view, with arguments or manipulations, in order to obtain a victory, which supposes will generate physical or psychological benefits.
To overcome the habit of arguing, it is necessary to make and implement certain decisions:
- Choose not to argue unless it is strictly necessary. Eliminate the excuses that prompt us to argue. Recognize and avoid professional argumentators.
Professional argumentators are easily recognized, because: they usually have something to say, they say it when they are not asked, they say it angrily, they speak more than required, they find it difficult to close the dialogue processes.
When you are tempted to argue, remember the following:
- People are not like us, because each person is unique and different.
This means that as much as we try to believe that we are equal to others, genetic inheritance, parents and relatives, learning and voluntary decisions are different in each human, so it is delusional to think of a common identity.
- People will not change because we want to.
As much as you want your partner to change your ideas, attitudes and habits, it will only happen when circumstances compel you or your conscience demands it.
- Each situation has more than one point of view.
Since there are many ways of seeing the same thing, it is perfectly valid that what for one is a six for another is u nine, according to the place from which one looks.
- We put pressure on others not to accept or change ourselves.
The clearest reason for the existence of discussions is the persistent and disguised refusal to accept that beyond our apparent good intentions, what underlies is the desire to dominate, to control, to direct, to transform others to save ourselves. the effort of empathy, compassion, generosity and work.
According to James Readfield, there is a non-psychological but rather an energetic perspective on the discussions. From this point of view, people are beings made of energy and when they are frustrated, dissatisfied, unhappy, their energy levels are reduced and they experience the need to increase them. Not knowing how to resolve the lack through other means such as contact with nature, meditation, exercise or forgiveness, they turn to the primary mechanism of conflict.
Thus it is possible that others transfer part of their energy field to us by placing their attention on us, and thus we recover while the other is worn out, exhausted or confused. I think like Víctor Sánchez, that if all the daily energy is wasted in absurd ways such as protecting the image and arguing with others.
In short, the practice of discussion is frequent and rarely works or is truly required, except to dominate, avoid changing and steal energy. Take your precautions, save energy, avoid enmities and use your time to improve yourself. Thanks for reading me.
