Having a partner is both a necessity and a challenge for human beings. Today we know that not many seem to be able to make affective bonds last, or that they last with a high degree of emotional satisfaction. What must we do to overcome this challenge? Keep reading.
For many, having a partner is normal. The most attractive or influential people have access to more prospects, while for many finding who loves and accepts them is almost a blessing or a miracle.
There are stages in the evolution of a couple relationship, which can be easy to go through. Others, however, require greater awareness and dedication. Attracting people we like is relatively easy if you follow the guidelines that the culture of the moment and place define as indicators of attractiveness, physical, psychological or social. Cheering, adapting, showing readiness and availability are signs of social ability or common sense that tend to produce satisfactory results.
However, the true work of the couple is to achieve a degree of satisfactory intimacy and effective commitment that allows the relationship to advance and consolidate itself positively. This is what, in my opinion, constitutes “the challenge of being a couple”, which implies in brief terms: knowing, accepting, evaluating, supporting and developing mechanisms for creating agreements and solving problems or contingencies.
Getting to know each other is essential in a couple, since people when flirting, tend to pretend, adapt and show their best face. However, the more they know each other, they get to know each other and the ideal gives way to the real, we discover unknown details of the other, many of them unpleasant.
What do we need to know about the other person to achieve a satisfactory, effective and lasting relationship? Your values, goals, communication styles, relationship preferences and habits. Here, his personality trends are summarized.
Knowing your values means learning about what the person values as good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable, negotiable or non-negotiable, normal or abnormal. Her ethical and moral guidelines, her political and religious convictions. Her core ideas of herself, people, and life. Knowing your goals helps you capture your future ideal of what you hope to be, do, or have. Knowing their communication style shows us if it is someone with whom we will easily harmonize or who will be overwhelmed by daily conflict due to frequent ego struggles. Knowing their relationships allows us to orient ourselves on the type of people with whom we will share for the future. And knowing their habits, will show us what we will see daily in the plan of daily coexistence.
Another aspect of the challenge of being a couple is acceptance, especially of what cannot be changed. Many couples engage in real power struggles and dominance to try to change the other and adapt it to life's own way of being or seeing. Typically, after much pain and wear, it is learned that "cats do not bark" and that what is not accepted produces suffering. Acceptance is a key factor in the functioning of a couple, which does not mean tolerating physical or psychological abuse, nor passively accepting the presence of drugs or the intrusion of relatives or friends in the world deprived of the bond, No! What it is about is to recognize what is part of the natural way of being of the other, of her temperament, of her identity, and see if you can live with it. If it is not possible,there are therapy or separation options. This is when it becomes clear if we choose a person compatible with us or not.
As for the assessment, it is about the daily recognition of the positive we see in the couple, their effort and their contribution to the relationship. This is expressed in flattery, pampering, romantic details, which show consideration and appreciation. A negative habit in this sense, is to consider that our partner "must" do it and therefore not consider important the demonstrations of gratitude. This is a mistake that is paid dearly, so the recommendation is to thank everything you receive, because that attitude motivates the other to give without being unmotivated. Behavioral psychology already says it: "All rewarded behavior tends to remain."
So a couple to become an "ideal couple" must work, lovingly strive (without this signifying mortifying sacrifices) to know and know what material it is made of, accept themselves to avoid the internal struggles that kill love, and value themselves to keep interest and motivation alive for as long as possible. Some behaviors that favor the relationship and that allow you to overcome the challenge of being a couple are:
- Dialogue frequently to avoid resentment and resolve conflicts.Generate agreements about what, how and when will be decided at each important moment.Express feelings openly to allow a true communion of hearts and minds.Put limits that define what will be accepted and what will not It will be accepted. Support each other and overcome selfishness, without creating dependencies. Search for common projects that allow the couple to create a shared future. Find a duty-pleasure balance, so that there is fun and needs are met. Link design is consistent with their ways of being.
Can you, if you put your share of love and conscience, effort and faith, be the gardener of a satisfying and productive loving relationship. Don't wait, act. The seed leads to the fruit. Thanks for reading me.
