We all want to love and be loved. However, when we have had negative experiences, we can become sensitized, and consider it appropriate to avoid, take too many precautions, or never try to love again. However, life goes on and opportunities to bond with new people seem to be, sometimes, just around the corner. Keep reading.
It is typical in people who have experienced conflictive or painful breaks in their love relationships, who may experience fear or anxiety, when they perceive a new possibility of bonding, falling in love, surrendering to intimacy and becoming vulnerable before a new partner.
Although in our mental imaginary, for reasons of tranquility, stability and economy of effort, we would like our most rewarding relationships to be eternal, the reality is that most emotional bonds are less and less lasting, and in due time they all end, because of of abandonment, breakup, or death of a member of the couple. And since it is not possible to achieve total compatibility, nor to eternally maintain the company of the loved one, it is possible that sometimes unmanageable differences arise, which impose on us as alternatives: tolerance, agreement or separation.
When a relationship has broken and the time for mourning, assimilation or recovery has passed, the body encourages us to seek new options for emotional connection and the society full of seekers of love, offers us the opportunity to open once plus our fan.
For those who know how to handle human marketing and show their best cards, the possibilities of connection are numerous. Thus, initial contacts and approximation conversations arise, until one enters the risky terrain of intimacy and commitment. It is then, when the lock appears, the brake, the internal impediment, and the fear of failing, of disappointing, of repeating mistakes or of suffering, take their toll and operate creating self-sabotage. What to do in the face of the appearance of these internal limitations?
The first thing that corresponds in these cases is to disarm the dysfunctional and useless beliefs that are the product of culture, which assault us and limit mental clarity and the productive enjoyment of opportunities.
Thinking that what happened to us will happen again implies the existence of at least four wrong ideas: the idea that yesterday and today are the same, that that person will be the same, that we will make the same mistakes, and that the best thing is not take risks to avoid suffering. We challenge each of these limiting premises as a result of mental sabotage.
In principle, yesterday could not be the same as today due to the simple and incontrovertible fact that these are two different days, each with its unique and differentiating variables. Every day is totally new, unique, special and different.
The person that you like, excite or excite you now, is not like the one that you shared affection with in the past, since each one has a genetics, upbringing and a way of making decisions, which is totally different. Each one is each one.
If the day is new and the person is different, circumstances are unlikely to repeat. If it happens, you can choose new ways of acting, because you have already learned from your previous mistakes. Review what you consider to be surmountable failures and visualize what you would do in a situation you consider special. Plan, prepare, and you can respond more appropriately.
And if you are among those who think that it is better to avoid risks in love, perhaps you will never know what a full relationship is, full of the magic and color that only love can provide. You can take calculated risks, take small steps and one step at a time, but you cannot deprive yourself of advancing, growing, and living.
Define what you want well, within a framework of reasonable expectations, establish what you do not like, and know how to say "no!" to everything that does not fit your predefined intentions. Be strict in choosing, but having chosen, you must approach, create emotional intimacy, and stroll through the paradise of pleasure, while noticing that people are not there to please you, to obey you, or to fill your gaps or requirements. of self-esteem. To put it in the words of Eckhart Tolle: “relationships are not there to make us happy but to make us aware.
Let go of the past because everything that happened is not happening here or now; Those events, no matter how much pain they have caused him, are only a record in his memory, nothing tangible or concrete that prevents him from going back on the road. Furthermore, it is the people who have made mistakes, those who have traveled the most diverse paths, those who have the most experience and knowledge and, therefore, those who can make the best decisions. Everything bad has a good side.
If you have already made sure to share in an adult way, if you can relate without attachments or unrealistic demands, I can only advise you: Go ahead! Dry your tears, step out of the gray zone and walk with renewed enthusiasm towards a new experience of pleasure, love and fulfillment. Thanks for reading me. www.laexcelencia.com.
