“Power is based on perception. - If you think you have it, then you do. If you think you don't have it, even if you do, you lose it. ”Herb Cohen - Negotiator
How many times do we think the following? "I would have said this, I would have reacted like this, If I had proceeded in this or that way, the results would have been different - more favorable for me - at least".
This happens like this, because at the moment of truth, at the moment of dialogue, at the moment of negotiation, we lose our security, by losing security the consequences may be unintended.
We let the other party inhibit us, be it because of their personality, their charisma, their hierarchy or whatever, we get scared, we cower and we end up giving in. I am not referring here at all to the fact of fighting, the point is to reach an agreement with the boss, with your partner, with your children, with whoever it is in the terms of WIN WIN.
We are always in a bargaining position in our life. We negotiate with the family where we are going to go out, we negotiate with our children the rules to be imposed at home, we negotiate with our boss a salary increase, we negotiate with the recruiter our position and salary in the company to work, we negotiate with our subordinates, etc., etc.
Life is a continuous negotiation, however the moment we abuse our power as parents, as bosses by simple hierarchical power, we become not only arrogant, but totally dependent on a title that is what gives us power, without Real power lies within us, for if that title is stripped from us, we become nothing. (What we knew deep in our hearts that we were - finally)
The fact of being insecure and feeling bad about ourselves - whatever the cause - will invariably lead us to a repetitive: I lose - You win. If the problem ended here, perhaps, I would not even call it a problem, it would be an isolated situation, but the moment this attitude becomes a lifestyle, the consequences can be even worse. It becomes a vicious circle: "I am not worth it", therefore I do not seek my benefit, and by receiving and accepting unfair conditions, we gradually diminish our self esteem to return to an even greater "I am not worth"
To reach this conclusion we have to analyze why, the root of "I lose - you win" We justify ourselves with noble excuses such as: "I give in, I am a hero", "A bad arrangement is better than a good lawsuit", "I am very noble", "What difference does it make, finally what touched me was not so bad", "It could have been worse". This creates resentment, anger, hatred towards everyone and internal anger.
Emma Godoy, a Mexican author, comments very wisely in one of her books. "The most evil and treacherous people are the weakest, the most cowardly, those who prefer to bury the knife in the back so as not to show their face," that is preferable to negotiating face to face and presenting their points of view assertively.
That on the one hand, on the other there are also the people who endure, endure, endure in an endless "I lose" And that generates an automatic deterioration in their health, peace of mind, happiness and relationships with their peers, without this leading to aggression, since this aggression is assimilated by managing to "attack" their body with all kinds of diseases and ailments, making us become the eternal victim.
Curiously, the agreement "I win - You lose" It comes as a consequence of "I lose, you win" Since to the extent that we are repressed by people with greater power, it causes us to abuse those whom we consider to be of less hierarchy or power., but power lasts as long as the piece of paper lasts - as we had seen previously-
All of this stems from a lack of self-esteem that creates little self-confidence. Insofar as we consider ourselves to be valuable people - which we are - perfect creatures - which we are - unique human beings and people with very valuable qualities. Not only do we begin to feel better about ourselves, but we also become more socially adapted, achieving more beneficial deals for ourselves while still considering the point of others, since they are valuable people, perfect creatures, unique and with valuable qualities.
This leads to more satisfactory agreements, which increases our quality of life and our spiritual peace considerably. As the Bible wisely mentions "You shall love your neighbor as yourself"
Do I love you more than I love myself and therefore I ruin myself and live eternally bitter? Do I love myself more and annoy you and step over you to achieve my own satisfaction?
Or by loving myself and loving you, I look for a way in which both parties are happy so that we can continue to make friendly and beneficial agreements and negotiations FOR BOTH for a long time.
Let's go back to detail, to everyday life, to our day-to-day interpersonal relationships, to feeling ourselves valuable and worthy of respect, the frustrating phrases like “I would have said this”, “I would have acted like that- and I would not have lost so much” “ They abused my nobility ”they begin to disappear and little by little they are replaced by phrases such as:“ How well I handled this situation ”,“ I did not think that they would have acceded so amicably to my requests ”,“ We are friends and partners ”,“ People it's good and accessible "
Here I handled the two extremes, the moment where resentments begin starting with a mask of submission and ending in horrible and ruthless acts, or considering our worth and that of others, following a path of equality and ending with a personal self-realization and indescribable professional. The difference in these two situations is simply deciding which path we want to take and what results we want to obtain. Now I ask you: which street do you prefer to travel?
