Surely we will all agree that love is the strongest driver in our interpersonal relationships. We are referring to love in all its pluralities and forms, that of parents to children, of a couple, of friends, etc. Therefore, we often worry about obtaining and caring for it. Some even graph things like that "without love life has no meaning."
¿ But what about the "first love" ? Well, here we are not referring to that first great passion that has been able to address our mind and heart. No, but the elemental: love for oneself. It boils down to one word: self-esteem. Self- esteem is a capacity that in turn is part of intrapersonal aptitude, which also includes skills such as emotional self-awareness, assertiveness, self-realization and independence. All elements of emotional intelligence.
When loving each other always counts
¿ How can we understand self - esteem ? Well, we start by telling you that it is an ability that enhances all our other abilities. It consists of being aware of oneself, being able to understand, accept and respect oneself. It involves knowing who you are, and understanding why you think, feel, and behave the way you do.
It seems incredible, but this is the least practiced love in our society. Hence the problem to relate effectively with others. If you don't have a good relationship with yourself, there is little you can expect from others.
One of the keys to self-esteem is the capacity for self-awareness, on which a precise self-assessment of our limitations and possibilities will depend. In an increasingly competitive world this constitutes an appreciable advantage, since it leads us to focus efforts on what we want to improve, giving us the opportunity to compensate for our inconsistencies. Admitting deficiencies allows us to do something about it.
How important is this ? It's simple, it leads us to self-acceptance, thanks to which we can reinforce our identity as people. The opposite causes us feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. I once heard the following statement: " We tend to be what we think we are, " a phrase with a lot of sense, since we tend to be creators of prophecies, of our own destinies, since we have the propensity to act according to what we expect of ourselves.
The ones that make the difference
People with a healthy level of self-esteem are easily distinguishable from others. They are seen as confident individuals with a good sense of self-confidence who really feel good about who they are, all of which leads them to feel capable of taking life's challenges and taking risks.
On the other side of the road, people with a poor level of self-esteem feel intimidated by others, their pessimistic and negative attitudes towards themselves lead them to harbor feelings of little worth, their sense of self-identity is poor, because they have not been able to accept their shortcomings nor correctly weigh its real possibilities. Your feelings of inferiority cause you to feel a lack of internal strength, as well as carry other feelings of hopelessness and fear, even self-loathing. This leads them to inaction, as they fear doing things and looking inept when trying, and unfortunately they end up being seen that way. It is all a vicious cycle. You have to remember that they treat you as one teaches to be treated.
The individual who loves himself is the opposite, his sense of self-identity is strong. He is confident in his own abilities, he is aware of his limitations and he knows how to level them: he establishes alliances that compensate for his weaknesses. For example, if at school, academy or university he is aware of his skill for verbal reasoning and in turn of his lack of ability for geometry, he will ally himself with another strong partner in that last area, from whom he can learn and with whom he can. share what you know. He is not ashamed to admit deficiencies, which is why he is a decisive individual. His sense of self-confidence is aligned with reality, he is able to maintain his own points of view even when they are unpopular.
The poor in self-esteem, on the other hand, makes his own worth depend on what others think or say, for this reason he always needs others to approve him, he constantly seeks to please everyone, he can never be himself. You do not have the essential conviction to take on the most challenging decisions and challenges, fearing that each failure will "confirm" your sense of incompetence.
Whoever suffers from this capacity has his own "internal enemy", something like a voice that always says "You can't", thus wasting opportunities. Our abilities by themselves are not enough to guarantee us the best performance, we have to believe in them to exploit them to the fullest. Various studies have shown that the capacity for self-confidence is what makes the difference even between individuals of equivalent general intelligence. Our own expectations are often predictive of what we get.
Neither selfishness nor arrogance
Without a doubt, you will agree with all of the above, but you can probably think that love for yourself can also be a sign of selfishness. Nothing more false. True wanting has nothing to do with pride, which is rather a reflection of a personality poor in self-esteem, in reality it is a defense mechanism that some individuals use, because they need to believe that others are less than he is. in order to appear a "superiority" that only hides his own feelings of incompetence.
We tend to attribute the great problems of the world to the lack of love between men; Mahatma Ghandi, the Hindu religious leader who led India towards independence from Great Britain, argued: "You have to be the change you want in the world." Always keep in mind the Christian precept " Love your neighbor as yourself ". The message is clear: love begins at "home." If you are not loving yourself enough then you are living below your real capacity. The excuses do not exist. Do you risk loving yourself ?
