You could say that it is the center of the Pyramid of Success, by having positive thoughts and a positive mental attitude the result is a healthy, high or normal self-esteem, so you are in a position to say that you are assertive.
Where is assertiveness manifested?
Assertiveness is manifested in successful communications, that is, assertives do not criticize, do not hurt, do not attack, do not submit to the will of others. They are able to reach agreements with other people. They take care of what they say as well as how they say it. They have control over their impulses of anger, joy, it is not repressing emotions but controlling them and then expressing them appropriately.
So assertiveness represents the quality of people who know how to communicate and do so through verbal, oral or written communication and gestural language. Every gesture, grimace, look, expression or posture expresses and communicates a lot. It is argued that a person makes the image of another only in six minutes, that is, their first impression that later difficult to change, it is not 100% the oral language that gives them this knowledge, it is the body language that can even give signs of the state health of a person.
The MERABIAN rule
It is discussed has its retractors and it is still valid, it maintains that the percentages in oral communication are: verbal aspect 7%, for verbal 38%, the use of the intonation of the voice: mellow, affectionate, distant, emphasis, pauses, silences they transmit to the receiver the emotions and feelings of the person who speaks and non-verbal or body language 55%, the posture of the body, the movements of the arms and hands, the movement of the face, the direct or evasive gaze, anger or sweetness.
But what is assertiveness and how can it help me?
Assertiveness is one of the most necessary and important characteristics that a person must have, it is a somewhat complex quality to develop, it is about achieving balance or stability with regard to humor, emotions, attitudes, feelings, the knowing how to react in moderation to external stimuli and knowing how to maintain a certain self-control of impulses.
An example in a group of friends sharing a coffee, in a fashionable place. One of them tells a funny joke, they all laugh, some comment good, others very good, others hope I don't forget to tell it at the office or at home. There is a different one who continues to laugh and accompanies her laughter movements of her legs, arms, she puts her hands on her stomach and even tears fall from her eyes so much laugh, her reaction is exaggerated without balance.
It is not that those who are not assertive make mistakes with their lives, nor that those who are assertive have heaven won. It is about having achieved balance and the ability to know how to communicate it, it may seem simple and not demonstrate its true importance, the truth is that those who keep it in mind live a better quality of life and make it live in their environment.
Assertive people are remembered, respected, they do not go unnoticed because they simply communicate their wishes to the world and communicate them with clarity and respect, it comes from the subconscious mind and the message that is transmitted must be able to be interpreted as you want it to be interpreted, without fearing the reaction of others, or what they will think or if they will be for or against.
It means saying things as they are, without shame, without fear of what others think. A homosexual person who nobody knows about because he hides his condition is not assertive. An assertive homosexual would tell society what it is, regardless of how it may judge or treat him.
Being assertive is difficult because just like any personality trait is a learned behavior, when you are lucky enough to have good role models of assertive people during childhood, it will be natural to develop that habit otherwise you must develop the difficult situation of cultivate it.
One of the values that assertiveness promotes is mutual respect and always seeks the WIN - WIN formula, that is, all parties involved in a situation win, they find satisfaction to their needs. You must be certain that being assertive is not being rude, if the assertiveness you practice does not include respect, flexibility and tolerance towards others, it may be daring. The assertive person knows that it is not their place to correct others and impose their values on them.
Assertiveness also has enemies and great ones that among others are: Inhibition, Complaint, Aggression and Indifference. Inhibition, YOU WIN - I LOSE, is characterized by an excessive adaptation to what is imposed on us or expected of us, we end up living the lives of others. So much is given and postponed that of one who experiences unpleasant emotions such as anger, insecurity, dissatisfaction, frustration, guilt, depression, situations that favor physical illnesses. This enemy of assertiveness is typical of people with low self-esteem.
OF ALL LIFE'S TRAPS, LOW SELF-ESTEEM IS THE WORST AND THE MOST DIFFICULT TO OVERCOME
There is a reflection, not mine, from an unknown author who says “Of all the traps in life, low self-esteem is the worst and the most difficult to overcome, because it is designed, molded by your own hands, it focuses on the ideas, I don't know, I can't, it's not worth it, I don't want to, I don't believe ”. If you don't have healthy or high self-esteem, you can't be assertive.
The Complaint, BECAUSE OF YOUR FAULT OR THE FAULT OF OTHERS - I DO NOT WIN, attributing to others their own responsibilities, it is going badly and it is not their fault, it is the fault of luck. You are bad financially, it is not your fault, it is your employer's fault. You do badly in love, it is not your fault, it is your partner's, in short, you are a victim of others.
Aggression, I WIN - YOU LOSE, the usual thing is that it is verbal or gestural, exceptionally it can reach the physical, it is characterized by threats, disqualifications, mocking, hostile or sarcastic comments.
Indifference, NOBODY WINS, is a disguised variant of aggressiveness, it is contempt, disdain in relationships with others.
Keys to assertive communication
There are keys, general tips for assertive communication - Two monosyllables
YES or NO, those who say YES to everything are excessively optimistic knowing that the reality is different, in the end, they have to cover their lack of commitment by escaping, lying or blaming others and if the idea was to create a good impression this is it will reverse by not complying, credibility is lost, and ultimately collapses. - Avoid using the words MUST or SHOULD impose a moral judgment on conduct and can be interpreted as an act of demanding. These terms are known as categorical imperatives and even more so when accompanied by the typical gesture of the index finger. -Avoid violating personal space, the 3 foot rule applies to most social, public and work situations. - Try to avoid fillers like right? Okay, well, obviously (almost aggressive), nooo, I can't believe it,yaaaa - Avoid the gossip that comes from verbiage, talking a lot and not saying anything.
When should I work assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a great strength of people. How do you know if one is assertive or how much work to achieve it? Five situations - Do you observe yourself saying YES, in situations where you should or would like to say NO? - Do you find it difficult to express your discontent or annoyance or concern to your partner, friends, or another, even if you think it is justified? - Is it difficult or uncomfortable for you to accept a compliment? - Does it bother you to accept a criticism? - He prefers to stand in the back in an assembly hall or a Church, as long as he does not look for a seat in front, either for fear of being observed or criticized.
If you answered yes to any of the above questions or statements, you may not be as assertive as you would like or should be. THEN ……… TO WORK AND ACHIEVE THIS QUALITY OR STRENGTH.
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