Achieving a stable and satisfying life with a partner is a goal of almost all humans. To achieve this, we must first choose a suitable person for us. And that adequacy can be based on the "compatibility" factor. Keep reading.
In today's world it is accepted as normal and desirable to live as a couple. Men and women, despite their differences, seek emotional stability in their partner. However, not all relationships work well. In fact, the divorce rate increases over the years, which is why it is necessary to detect and overcome the influencing factors that affect the well-being and duration of love relationships. I postulate here that a key element to consider is compatibility. In my opinion, the genesis of relationship problems begins when choosing who to be intimate with, marry, live together and have children.
If we consider the disastrous results found in some relationships, it can be assumed that many people make the wrong choices. The reasons could be diverse: not knowing how to make a good choice, taking the first thing that comes, or punishing yourself by choosing a bad prospect.
The central premise of this article is that if you choose people who are more suitable for you, you will enjoy more satisfying and productive relationships, especially in the realm of the couple. That is possible as long as you first defeat limiting beliefs that float in the environment and are accepted without analyzing.
A frequent belief is that "about the heart is not ordered. This is not necessarily true, since we have reason and will. Although it is true that we are highly emotional and that once we get excited or erotic with someone, it is difficult to overcome that emotional tendency.
Our brain has rational centers and emotional centers and it turns out that the nerve connections that go from our cerebral emotional center (tonsillar nucleus) to our cerebral rational center (neocortex) are much greater than the opposite pathways (from the rational to the emotional center).
This means that when emotions are activated it becomes difficult to modify them rationally. This mechanism discovered by Joseph Le Doux would also explain the unplanned infidelities and certain violent reactions of which we are later ashamed.
A belief that has gotten many into trouble is one that assumes that with love the other will change their way of proceeding. This is self-deception, because although people tend to adapt to the other when they fall in love they later return to their natural tendency. Cats do not bark, no matter how much warm milk you can give them. Each one is as he is with his biological tendencies, his temperament and his particular conditions of life.
Another deterministic and limiting idea is that of destiny. "If it came, it was for me." This is a biased and self-justifying view, because it is always possible to wait, postpone or look for another option.
As for the solutions, the first thing that must be done to find a suitable partner, that is, compatible, is to take responsibility for the choice that is made. The second is to ask yourself what you want and what you don't want to attract or choose. The third step is showing up to meet people. Step four is to evaluate the available candidates, and the fifth, to choose.
The criteria for choosing that partner are the key to making a good decision, and here I propose to pay attention to four criteria: Values, objectives, communication and relationships.
- The values: A good relationship almost always implies alignment of values regarding money, religion, marriage, children or political ideology. Notable differences bring disappointment and conflict. The Goals: Members of long-term couples share common goals. Although they work in different areas, they agree on certain points, which brings them closer and unites them in topics of conversation and efforts. If you both want children, a house and study, it is different than if one wants it and the other does not. Communication style: When love fails and there are problems, the best lifeline is communication, because it allows us to sit down, talk, analyze and reach agreements. Without that, the boat of love is leaking. If you choose a non-communicative or conflict-prone partner, you could suffer unnecessarily. Relationships: Much of what we are and what we do depends on the family and friendly relationships we have. So if you want to know what your future partner is like, observe her in the presence of relatives and friends. There, in full spontaneity of bonding comfort, the human soul is revealed transparent.
So review these parameters, discard limiting thoughts, dare to see more of the real than the ideal, and make smart decisions that allow you to live a better life as a couple. Thanks for reading me.
