Although we would like to, not all people are a positive influence in our lives. Some, even unintentionally, affect our code of values and our most important goals. It is our duty to recognize them and stop their effects. Keep reading.
Social life in big cities is intense and complex. External stimuli abound, rapid and unexpected changes, information of the most diverse type, and generally fleeting relationships.
Of these relationships, we can rescue some, especially those that are imposed on us by neighborhood or geographical or work proximity, or those that we choose by coincidence of values, similar objectives and similar styles in tastes or behavior.
We must accept those relationships that are imposed on us in the form of relatives, neighbors or coworkers and learn to handle them in a harmonious way. Those that we choose by tuning, appreciation or because we consider favorable for the satisfaction of our needs, it is up to us to cultivate them and give them continuity.
Within these relationships, not all of them are beneficial to our lives, and some can even become negative influences that affect our health, relationships and productivity.
A person of bad influence is one who interferes with their words and actions, with our values, our goals or our positive habits of life. It should be understood that they do not always do it consciously, so they should not be seen as enemies, but as what they are, people of low consciousness who act automatically.
A person is a bad influence on health, if he invites us to eat and drink excessively; if it encourages us to use drugs, or distracts us from exercising or resting.
A person is a bad influence on relationships, when he speaks ill of other friends or family, when he urges us to mistreat the partner with indifference or aggressiveness, and manipulates us to break certain relationships that are valuable and meaningful to us.
A person is a bad influence on our productivity, when their conversations and practices promote laziness, irresponsibility, laziness or wasting time. If you hear a "friend" say to you: "Don't worry, it's not so important that you arrive early", you pay for that later, don't pay so much attention to that ", or" you take work very seriously ", you are facing to a potential negative influence.
Bad influencers often have compelling arguments for what they do or say. They can be charming and affectionate people, and thus they gain the complicity of others for their excesses. However, if you look at their achievements, you will notice that their families are often dismembered, they do not last long in their jobs and they are the kings of excuses to justify their failures.
Sharing or keeping close to people who show a tendency to express behaviors of envy, jealousy, resentment, conflict, is making you vulnerable to these manifestations. Although we have strength and will, the environment operates certain influences. Note that when a person spends time in another country, her speech changes. This alienating effect arises from the adaptability of the organism, which adjusts to the environment, to avoid discord and suffering.
When asked: And what do I do? The answer is varied:
1- Accept that all relationships are not adequate, positive or convenient.
2- Coldly and dispassionately analyze the people you frequent and review the results they show (not the words)
3- Decide which person of those, really contributes to your goals or align with your most precious values.
4- Choose which of them, despite their peculiarities and differences, are not threatening in your personal system.
5- Assume, clearly which people are negative influences for you, and specify the reasons.
6- Having chosen and making the reasons clear, you can choose to gradually move away, or talk with them to influence them with your personality and your arguments.
Experience has told me that talking to people of negative influence rarely works, because they have a closed mental system that justifies itself. However, if you see an option you can try, do it in a very respectful and assertive way, showing what you dislike and what you would like. So it sounds like suggestion, rather than criticism. If you have some authority or if there is a line of affection between you and the person of bad influence, you may achieve a good result.
Walking away is the other option and sometimes the only option. This does not imply a rejection of the person, but of the behavior. It is possible to accept that an acquaintance or friend smokes or drinks, as long as they do not do it in our house or in places where it has been prohibited; that seduces a person, as long as it is not our partner or someone else's partner. It is legitimate and necessary to distance ourselves from what we consider harmful to our life. I have friends who are wonderful, right up until the moment they start drinking. As much as I want them, I prefer to withdraw, because the consequences for repeated, are usually already predictable.
Think, then, that it is necessary and important to have relationships, that all are favorable, that we must act against those that affect us, and that only you have the power to direct your behavior, as you decide, instead of allowing others to do so. They may drive you down muddy roads, and divert you from what can be a rewarding experience full of accomplishments and happy moments. Thanks for reading me.
