The human relationship is essential for a good social coexistence. And this relationship requires harmonious bonding. For this, it is necessary to avoid manifestations of emotional clumsiness, a limitation that leads us to generate rejection and conflict. Here are the keys to avoid and overcome it.
Human beings are a living and dynamic entity that thinks, feels and acts. Our behaviors are driven by emotional states and emotions are "triggered" by our thoughts, by the way we interpret everyday events.
When the interpretations we give to situations, people or things are negative, we tend to react in an emotionally maladjusted way, generally shy or aggressive. An aggravating factor in this situation is the fact that many of our perceptions are generated automatically, unconsciously, so we can function with "emotional clumsiness" without realizing it, and generate negative consequences such as rejection, conflict and guilt.
I define emotional clumsiness as the inability to react emotionally in accordance with one's own objectives and the rules of the environment, in different daily situations, exhibiting deficient, exaggerated or inappropriate emotional responses.
Emotional clumsiness can be innate or learned. Today the existence of Temperament is accepted without problems, a reactive emotional style of biological base and low consciousness, individual and differentiated, which prompts us to respond in a certain way to situations, and which in the opinion of many neuroscientists, can be modified. Many astrologers support this thesis, since they consider that people are born marked with astral "archetypes" (innate mental programs), which operate as predetermined psychological patterns, which guide perceptions and behaviors.
Scientist Jerome Kagan has suggested that 15% of people are born shy; and Jeffrey Young, a famous behavioral researcher, affirms that people already show anxious or calm, irritable or content, shy or sociable, passive or aggressive tendencies from birth.
Emotional clumsiness can be learned by imitation (we do what we saw others do) or by reinforcement (inappropriate behaviors are rewarded and tend to be repeated).
There are medical causes associated with forms of emotional clumsiness, such as Asperger's Syndrome, a brain deficiency that, although it increases the subject's ability to concentrate, significantly reduces his level of empathy, which leads him to act with apparent insensitivity to the emotions of the subject. others.
Emotional clumsiness prevents us from properly recognizing, understanding and managing our emotions and those of others, as we misinterpret their communication signals and react inappropriately. This, by becoming a trend, affects health, relationships and productivity.
The key to overcoming emotional clumsiness is to develop metacognition, a special mental ability characterized by high awareness of self and others. It is a mechanism that according to Semerari, allows us to recognize our thoughts and analyze them (self-reflection), understand the mind of others based on their words, body language and behaviors (de-centering) and use information about ourselves and others, to solve problems and avoid subjective suffering. (Master's degree).
A person affected by emotional clumsiness, must repeatedly observe others, see what they do, how they behave in various social situations and then imitate them and learn new bonding responses. This can be called social skills, social intelligence or common sense.
It is also important to learn not to blindly believe in our thoughts, as they are ideas or possibilities, not definitive realities. Thus, a thought of jealousy, injustice or rejection is valued as a possibility and not as an absolute reality, this would induce us to verify or falsify that thought. Is this what I'm thinking true? What evidence do I have? Discover, do not assume.
In addition to reflecting, observing, imitating and seeing thoughts as ideas and not as realities, the person can impose self-correcting forms of behavior, such as: "I will not discuss today", with which they can gradually modify the behaviors that are criticized by others. Thus, by paying attention to our thoughts we can modify them.
With this we also modify emotions and behaviors, making us healthier, more adaptable and adequate people. It is a possible undertaking, although it requires willingness, effort and often help. Thanks for reading me.
