For some time I have been curious about fatherhood and its backdrops, shortcomings, adversities, inconsistencies and a host of elements that refuse to analyze. Such a high degree of innocence in addressing this vital issue is a determining factor in my desire to write this note.
I have respect, admiration and recognition for those who contract it with dedication, responsibility and detachment. Unlike other activities, it demands an important set of emotional, affective and mental conditions tending to ensure the convenient integral formation of new human beings.
I disagree with those who, making use of their deteriorated neuronal amplitude, point out "no one learned to be a parent" or "there is no where to learn for this task." Nothing else lacking foundation. In the XXI century, the news media, schools for parents, training programs in emotional intelligence and access to various illustrative material are abundant. I recommend a modicum of common sense, self-critical breadth, and reasonableness criteria to examine skills and limitations before taking on this challenge.
Those who have decided to include fatherhood in their life project must be willing to identify and overcome the traumas, complexes and prejudices that they could endorse their descendants. There are parents with a heavy “backpack” of unsurpassed situations that increase their unhappiness and that, in addition, openly or indirectly transmit to their offspring. It is appropriate to try to carefully examine the personality, temperament, self-esteem and empathy. The opposite seems to be the case; arrogance and denial of reflection and introspection are frequent.
Expressions such as "this is me, they will not change me", "I educate my children as I please, I do not need advice", "all parents do the same", are the famous cliché phrases in those who are incompetent to understand the dimension of this task that deserves maturity, evolution and knowledge of human reality itself. I regret to hear such assertions from individuals who, due to their living conditions, could access high standards of strengthening their potential. Once again, I see an abysmal distance with soft skills.
Algunos encargan a sus hijos a los abuelos, suegros y parientes sin ni siquiera comprobar la coherencia de las enseñanzas que recibirán. Embrutecen a sus menores herederos con actividades que obstruyen su adiestramiento como seres solventes, desenvueltos y con competencias sociales. Les aseveran “jamás digas mentiras; pero si me llaman por teléfono di que he salido” o “saluda, no juegues en la mesa”, mientras el cabeza de familia saluda con desdén al vigilante de la cuadra o se divierte con su celular mientras almuerza. Los mandan a corretear con el pretexto “esta es una conversación de mayores”, cuando desean que no escuchen sus murmuraciones. En lugar de convocarlos para aprender de su plática asertiva y lúcida, éstos los marginan y, por lo tanto, concluyen bloqueando sus capacidades de sociabilización.
That makes me recall what was revealed in my unforgettable article "Chuncholandia: A new syndrome?": "… Also, it is common to notice this limitation in the boring and stormy family gatherings -which I avoid attending- that are distinguished by the constitution of 'tribes' based on sex and age. Unfortunately, if someone shows high security and tries to integrate with the other 'clique', they are expelled. 'Go with your cousins and uncles, here we are talking about women's issues' I've listened countless times ”. In infinite circumstances parents transfer this sticky collective phenomenon (chuncholandia) in a clumsy, fearful and null procedure. From chuncho dads will come out proles of chunchos corrected and increased. More so now when the misuse of technology isolates communication.
Fatherhood does not lie in ensuring a high level of professional development and, consequently, a good job, an optimal remuneration and a set of new amenities. There are those who understand that their role is oriented to guarantee the attention of material requirements. It is much more than possessing biological and economic capacity.
Let us avoid omitting those who consider the firstborn as a "staff" for their old age and raise them with that intention. Others interpret it as a way to transcend and leave a surname, a memory and nothing more. In this sense, I agree with that stated by the genetics professor Michael Levine: "Having children does not make one a father, in the same way that having a piano does not make one a pianist".
With bold insistence they assume that they have to understand life from their subjective and fickle point of view. They forget that the world changes and therefore offers dissimilar horizons of fulfillment. An example is the one concerning the way of conceiving sexuality, the sentimental relationship and gender options.
We hear naturally "I want my son to be what I could not be", alluding to the desperate desire to achieve better levels of comfort; not precisely in the ethical, spiritual, psychological and intellectual aspect; four terms that mean little to countless parents. That is, words lacking validity to get ahead in life. I have never heard comments aimed at looking at this task in a pedagogical way and framed in a solid set of values. The latter is conceived, as if it were obvious, with arrogance and even discomfort.
Consequently, they rarely embody the moral benchmark for their children and carefully endorse the so-called "Creole vivacity." That brings to mind the interesting statement of the journalist and writer Gustavo Rodríguez in his article entitled "A reverse lesson": "… Tell them that it is wrong to steal, that the laws have been made to be respected and, the first time you can, run a red light. Explain: 'I was in a hurry, if I didn't do it we wouldn't be there on time.' These contradictions will generate, drop by drop, the idea that morality is elastic and can be adapted to the objectives of each person ”. “… If you ever go to the movies with them and someone sneaks into line, pretend you didn't see it. Never claim for your rights or those of others. In this way,your children will understand that you endorse the law of the most alive and that the 'toads' never get what they deserve ”.
I conceive parenthood as a valuable and sublime mission. Its exercise requires certain and essential emotional and ethical conditions whose absence is perceived with great assiduity. I see with amazement the excessive laziness and the prevailing conformity about this task. Without a doubt, mediocrity and apathy deserve a commemorative date on the calendar.
Everyday pressure and stress require extensive training in soft skills, in order to insert these aspects into the education of children. They must receive messages that make it possible to develop solid interpersonal and intrapersonal discernment. Let's keep in mind: Dad doesn't always know everything and let's avoid eternally believing that he is invested with the skills that his role involves.
These lines express my tribute to those who live fatherhood as a sublime, exemplary and genuine apostolate. Personally, it is an endearing, fair and pertinent tribute to Gabriela who carries the patient mission of shaping the future of my nephews Fabrizio and Daniela, in whose lives, vicissitudes, misfortunes, sleepless nights and joys I glimpse a dawn full of hope and satisfaction. By coincidence the words of novelist Denis Lord come to mind: "A father is not the one who gives life, that would be too easy, a father is the one who gives love."
