Below I will try to describe some of my feelings, thoughts that come to mind in my daily life, especially when I work:
- "My life equals work." I get up and go to bed with work issues. "I have to have this written for X days and I don't have time,…, especially because I have to do this and this and this…." (What I still have to do comes to mind paralyzes me and then I do nothing…) "I have to call this one, and this one,…" (this phrase can be at 2 in the morning when I make the bottle of the night to my daughter, which shows how my head does not stop working) When I have something on my hands that I need to think about it (a complicated project, looking for a solution to a problem that has been raised or even thinking about how to market a product…) I keep going round and round the matter (while I shower, while I eat, while I sleep, I am even in some conversation and I remain absorbed in my thoughts).I end up solving things but I think it requires a lot of energy. On the other hand, I know that the solutions come to me more easily rested and with a calmer mind, but that begins to be very unusual for me. If I have deadlines, the nerves to arrive take over. "Ugh I'm not here, I have to stay at night, I have to close tomorrow at home…." The bad thing is that I rush at the end because I can always "improve what I have" (either the layout, the way it is written, etc.). The downside is that projects sometimes overlap and demand a lot of attention. The nerves and negative thoughts and feelings of overwhelm come to my head ("this is not going well; this is shit about having a company, I'd be better off working 8 hours; why do I do this? Why can't I control with more calm all this ?;I am unable to face this calmly; I have no life because I am always putting out fires, etc.) If I receive a call from my wife saying things like "I miss you, when are you coming?" I feel a great feeling of guilt, I think I am doing something wrong, that I am disappointing my family. Hence I want to go home soon. I try to speed everything I do. But it doesn't work because when I get home I think about what I have left to do, what I have to write or what I have to plan (the emails I have to send, etc.) and in the end I look for the mechanisms at home to try to work harder and harder. And I end up leaving things for the night and I feel bad. "I came straight from work,I have not enjoyed my family and on top of that I did not have a minute either to play sports or to enjoy… "If I am not able to meet the schedules, both in the morning and at noon I get nervous, I begin to see that the morning already has fewer hours, that I have many things to do and that again I will not be able to escape to rest or be more relaxed at the end of the day.Now that I am with the new schedule (even if it is approximate) and that I play sports, thinking about all these things makes me see how I have to change many attitudes and thoughts to enjoy and maintain what I have now. I know what I want, the problem is that I do not know how to maintain it. I am also paralyzed by a fear: what if I did not have all this work and did not feel So? "I'm sure I would cry to find a job and I could even ruin myself."That's why I shoot and shoot thinking that being the way I am is better than being without work. With the help of coaching I hope to try to internalize the thought that you can work a lot and feel fulfilled.
I want:
- Having a schedule, like the one I outlined or similar, that allows me to have professional, personal and family balance. Do not leave things "until the last day" and postpone work (which is usually a big mistake of mine). Being very disciplined on a day-to-day basis because that will generate great productivity and a clear improvement in my quality of life. Control the mobile, that it does not control me like now (I think I even have dependency). Control my nerves. Knowing that work is work, this implies that having pending work or not having everything at the highest level cannot burn my mental health.Planning and starting to control how much work per day I can do and not generating expectations of trying to do more than I can (many times I think that I do not know how far I can work and I promise to do a workload beyond my possibilities " normal ”, that is, not to take a job that implies“ not living ”, or at least that is not habitual). Look for the mechanisms to think about climbing the professional ladder. Seek alliances, seek and obtain more and better training, go to bigger projects and enjoy the challenges. Learn to delegate. But also learn to teach my team and learn from it. Control my negative thoughts. I could never think of something better than having my own company, on the other hand, in times of stress I want to throw in the towel or dedicate myself to something else (I always think of other types of companies,linked to nature or to the world of rural tourism, it is as if those were the images that give me peace of mind. I think this thinking about what I am doing wrong with my family and others is irrational. What I really have to achieve is to dedicate quality time to my family, being a calm person (who is not disturbed by nerves and anxiety from work problems) and who is with them 100% (not my mind in another place).being a calm person (who is not disturbed by nerves and anxiety from work problems) and who is with them 100% (not my mind elsewhere).being a calm person (who is not disturbed by nerves and anxiety from work problems) and who is with them 100% (not my mind elsewhere).
A thought that is becoming clearer is:
I need to rest my mind to the fullest (it's like a kind of clean slate). I feel mentally tired. With a hangover from all my past. You have to keep one thing in mind, until I got married in August 2004 I hardly had a vacation. Since 1995 when I started studying until 2003 I have NEVER had a vacation. I have always worked hard and at a high level of demand. My only escape valve were some isolated days that I stayed at home to work (at my parents' house), the hours I dedicated to sports (which were almost 2 hours a day) and on weekends (that I did sports in very calm, with friends, but I work Saturdays and Sundays, true that studying, preparing classes in the faculty for my students or economics subjects that I was passionate about, they filled me up…).Now I see that a large part of my personal demotivation lies in the fact that (especially since Claudia was born) I have not had enough rest. I feel tired and these days in August this year I even notice that I don't want to go to the office, I try to do everything from home. And I feel fresh, but I still feel that I need more rest.
Question: Should I practice mental relaxation exercises to regain my psychological strength? Behind this fatigue I think there is a lack of motivation to be more disciplined with my time and my little fuel to face changes. I never refuse to change, but I know that change requires energy and requires reassurance. Now I feel better to face changes but I think I still have a lot to recover to be the person I was: always energetic and with the will to do whatever it takes. I set goals and gave everything for them, and achieved them without problems. I want to get this back, this vitality.
