It is common that when making decisions we make mistakes, and that between one mistake and another someone is hurt. However, very few people accept and acknowledge their mistakes, as they tend to hide, excuse or argue, before being able to say: "I'm sorry." Keep reading.
One day, while giving a lecture on relationships, I suggested that it was essential to learn to recognize mistakes and also to make amends. One of the attendees pointed out that this was neither easy nor smart. It was not easy due to our proud nature and it was not intelligent due to the consequences it generated, such as: having to humiliate oneself, lower our image and lose power. I will try here to address the issue and include some of the arguments with which I responded to the person who made the aforementioned statement.
The first thing to understand in order to advance on this interesting topic is that making mistakes is normal, and it can be necessary and positive. Let's start by saying that an error is an interpretive term, which means mistake or mistake in the conception or execution of a certain action. The two most frequent factors found in the tendency to err are lack of information, negative mental attitude, and ineptitude in execution. Given this, we will say that you never have all the information, we do not always feel good or in the same emotion, and not everything can be done perfectly. That being the case, as humans, it is logical and reasonable that we make mistakes.
A second element is the cultural view that a mistake is something negative. I think that in most cases, excepting errors of irreparable or irreparable consequences, the situation is actually paradoxically opposite. It is not negative for a child to fall when trying to overcome crawling, as that allows him to learn to walk. Thanks to training and testing errors, quality and excellence are achieved. I once wrote in my book The Message of the Wise Men: "Mistakes are quick learning courses." Let's think that each mistake is an experience, a memory, and the most experienced are the ones who generally choose the best.
The truth is that making mistakes can be of great help as training for greater challenges. Thus, if we accept that it is normal to be wrong, and that it can even be very positive, the next question is: What position to take in the face of error? The most frequent options are usually: deny it, evade it or acknowledge it.
Experience has told us that the most common and most negative tendency of all is to deny it, which implies handling the situation as if nothing were happening. This closes any possibility of a healthy and productive approach. It is a primitive mechanism that can be related to indicators of low self-esteem, such as: over demand, self-deception and need to manipulate others. It is a typical strategy in many politicians and addicts to the "good image".
Another common mechanism is evasion. Here, unlike denial, it is seen, and it can be recognized, but it runs away so as not to face the events and their consequences. It shows the presence of states of guilt and anxiety, and an occasional, light, distracting approach style stands out, with changes of subject and not very serious handling, since it seeks to distance itself from the possible emotional discomfort that confronting the error can produce.
The other way, the one that I consider positive and necessary, is to responsibly face the events and their consequences, which brings with it various benefits that I highlight below:
Acknowledging the mistakes we make makes us humble. When we have power or are doing very well we tend to turn away from God and act selfishly and arrogantly. Seeing and admitting mistakes and defects leads us to a more just vision about our fallibility and the necessary humility that those who, without a doubt, are going to grow old and die must have.
Recognizing the mistakes we make allows us to learn and improve. This is so, because the more quickly and clearly we see what or has gone well, the sooner we can remedy it and learn from the mistake to avoid recidivism, and put things at the level they should have.
Recognizing the mistakes we make gives us a favorable image. This is so, contrary to what is thought, when we take responsibility for an undesired result, we are recognized as honest people who do not have to be cared for, which opens the doors of trust in relationships and improves them significantly..
Acknowledging the mistakes we make induces others to admit their mistakes. It is easier for others to admit what they do not do well if someone sets an example for them. The same phenomenon occurs here as at parties, where when someone starts the first dance, several couples follow in immediate support.
Recognizing the mistakes we make reduces the possibility of conflicts and makes it easier to reach agreements. When we express what we have not done well, the people around us “lower their guard” and reduce or stop their hostile tendencies, and this makes it easier to live as a couple and family, as well as to work in a team. Furthermore, it is an accepted fact that average people do not like those who are special or perfect.
Recognizing the mistakes we make allows us to see other angles of reality. If we insist on thinking that we do everything well, we limit our perception of the world around us, we make ourselves comfortable and we lock ourselves in habits. Admitting that there are better ways of doing things imposes the automatic challenge of looking for such ways.
Let's say, as a summary, that we all make mistakes, that it cannot be avoided, that it can be positive, and that there are beneficial ways of dealing with errors, since they allow us to take them as fertilizer for the land of experience and knowledge.
Accepting a mistake does not mean humiliating oneself, it does not take away your power, it increases it, and beyond cultural prejudices we could do like the wise Japanese who affirmed that a secret of success consists in getting up by leaning on the same place where we have fallen.
