Do you feel guilty for wanting more from your profession or business? Do you think that, in a way, you would be “abandoning” your family?
A frequent obstacle in working women and entrepreneurs is, many times, the feeling of guilt for not being able to achieve everything; especially when you have a position of responsibility or a business that requires you to be very involved.
In general, women have an innate need to take care of others. That has its good side but also a negative part, when you focus more on others than on yourself, something very frequent. You would not be the first to always put others ahead and end your life exhausted and without energy for anything, or being unable to say no to others for exactly the same reason.
Therefore, if you are an ambitious person with high professional expectations or if you have a business and want to go a step further, you may feel guilty for not being able to do everything or for feeling that you are abandoning your family. That can cause you to quit your career and feel resentful or dissatisfied, or decide to move on and also feel dissatisfied due to guilt. So what can you do to get out of this situation more or less gracefully?
1. Be clear about your priorities and be honest with yourself.
The topic of priorities is the one that I mention the most in my articles because it is fundamental and it is something with which I work with my clients as soon as I start. In fact, I remember that one of my clients, after having directly and indirectly told me that her highest priority at that time was her career, when she did the priority exercise she marked her family as the first. That's when I realized that what I felt was guilt for considering her work a priority, so I told her the same thing I say to you if you are in that situation. Just because your career is your priority at a certain point does not mean that you don't care about your children. Your children are and will always be the most important thing to you, but at this moment your priority is to advance in your career and that's fine, you are within your rights.So don't forget, you have every right in the world to focus on your career or business and that doesn't mean that you don't care about your children or your partner or whoever you have in mind.
2. Establish what is essential for you.
This is something I shared with another client who was pregnant and did not know how she was going to combine her work with her baby and paying proper attention to her partner. One of the things I suggested to her was to make a list of activities or moments that she didn't want to miss when her child was born and what was important to her. These include spending time alone with her husband, getting home in time to bathe the child, etc. Being very clear about what activities are important to you (because they provide great satisfaction, make you feel fulfilled and improve your quality of life) will help you distinguish what to keep and what to spend your time with when your professional situation changes or when you are less available.
What is important to you regarding your current life, your partner and your family? Be clear about it and so you can make it a priority over other tasks or activities even if for a while you turn especially in your career or business.
3. Look for motivating examples.
This helped me a lot, having examples of women who have what you want or who behave as you would like. In this case, professional women with children who have come a long way in their careers. I remember when I was pregnant I was afraid that my life would change completely and I just wanted to stay home to take care of my son and stop traveling or going out (because I had seen many cases, it must be said). When I felt that anguish, I only had to think about the friends with small children who kept traveling, having parties at their houses and going out, to regain the illusion that it was possible.
Look for examples that show you that it can be done and be guided by those people.
Having everything is possible, having everything at the same time complicated, you will always have to make some kind of sacrifice. I always say that the main reason that I launched myself into having my own business was the desire for freedom and flexibility of schedule so that I could attend to my son when I needed it and to take vacations whenever I wanted. For me it is clear and that made the initial financial sacrifices worthwhile and that I can refuse certain commitments if they mean being away from my son for a long time. That's my choice, what is yours? What do you want to achieve professionally, what are you willing to sacrifice and what not? Until you have that clear, you will not be able to feel calm.
Apart from that, guilty it is likely that you feel at some point, accept it, go ahead and always keep in mind what they say on airplanes: before putting the oxygen mask on your companion, put it on yourself first or you will not be able to serve him well. Do not forget.
