Many times in life we have done things that we regret, and despite the passing of time we continue to carry them and feel bad at all times. So what do we do to get rid of it? That silent companion we call Guilt and she is there only to make us feel bad, until we decide to do something to change that emotional state.
Before knowing what to do to stop feeling bad about what has already happened, you have to know that Guilt is a feeling, a state of mind, one of the most destructive emotions we can experience, which usually appears at some point in our lives. Life originated from something we did and was outside the values that we have assumed as fair and positive.
We feel guilty when our behavior does not comply with our principles and, therefore, we recriminate ourselves all the time and remain locked in that situation, seriously affecting our self-esteem, and believing that we are not worthy of anything good in life.
First we must know that all people make mistakes in our lives of which we are not exactly proud.
If we want to move on, what we have to do is forgive ourselves for what has already happened, accept that we are human beings who can make mistakes and that we needed those mistakes to learn and grow in life, and now that we are aware of what happened, we know that we will not repeat them again.
To help you recover from that feeling that you still carry with you, I recommend doing the following:
1.- Recognize what is the benefit you get from feeling guilty
Maybe you already know what the mistake or mistake you made was, and you think you have overcome it, but somehow you realize that it continues to unconsciously affect your life. That's why I want to ask you:
- What situation do you feel that you continue to CARRY on your back? How long have you been carrying it? WHAT are you doing it for? What is the PROFIT you earn for continuing to carry it? What is the PRICE you are PAYING?
Be honest with yourself and ANSWER… only then will you find valuable and revealing answers for yourself.
2.- rebuild guilt
Now that you know what is the benefit you get from feeling guilty, it is necessary to detect what is the thought that originates it, to know what is happening.
How do you do it? Linguistically rebuilding that state of mind.
To do this, fill in the blanks:
- I affirm that I did _________________________________ (fact or interpretation). Write what was the fact or mistake that you made or thought you made. Since I did __________________________________ (fact or interpretation), I think or believe that now _________________________________. Write everything you think as a consequence of what you did, or the reasons why you think it is not right to have done it. Then, as I did what I did, I declare that_____________________________. Example: I am at fault, I was wrong, what I did was not right (and everything that occurs to you). I judge that I should have done it the _____________________________ way, paying attention to those who told me. (Write what was the supposed "correct way" of doing things). And so now I Declare or Conclude that: I do not deserve anything or I deserve the worst,and I have to be punished __________________________. (Write how you think you should be punished). Example: now I don't deserve to be who I am, I must put up with everything they tell me, I must do what others want, I must live unhappy all my life, etc.
3.- Forgive yourself and find learning
Once you have discovered the origin of your guilt, the consequences and what you think you deserve, it is time for you to forgive yourself and find the learning that is in it.
As you've realized by now, carrying that guilt has only made your life more bitter and dull. It is time for you to stop looking back with shame, to look at the past as part of the richness and fullness of your life, and understand that there is no reason to continue punishing yourself for not having done better, but that you did it so well how could you at that time.
Now what you have to do is recognize what teaching that event left you. Maybe without that today you wouldn't be who you are. Ask yourself why what happened to you happened to you, what is the good thing you can get out of it, and release that past with love; be grateful that it happened because that made you stronger and a better person, even if you were wrong.
The best way to release it is by forgiving yourself, and, if necessary, asking forgiveness from those you think you hurt. I recommend that, if you find it difficult to apologize to someone, write a letter addressed to that person, even if it is to yourself. In it you can tell everything that happened, how you felt because of that mistake, and how sorry you are; And then, if you want, you can give it to him, or just burn it as a symbol of your forgiveness and rebirth.
When you write the letter of forgiveness addressed to yourself, you can start by writing:
I forgive myself for…
… And little by little it will flow; so you can unload all that guilt that you carry with you.
At the end write:
With love I forgive myself and release all the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself".
And then move on, with your head held high, because life is waiting for you to open up to it and feel worthy of all the good it has in store for you.
How do you feel now?
Tell me, what happened to you when doing this exercise. I would love to know if I have been able to help you.
