Have you ever wondered: Why does my coworker tell me these comments? Why do managers speak this way? So, in our attempt to understand the situation we begin to speculate and assume. As human beings, the average thought is that we are not to your liking. But will this be true? How can we avoid these awkward moments?
I remember that some time ago, on a Friday afternoon, I had the initiative to ask a female boss that I had the desire to take training from another position within my department, her response was: "That is for people with brains…". At that time I felt a lot of courage, a lot of things happened to me, but I didn't say anything. I spent the whole weekend thinking about and reviewing the incident. I felt humiliated and looked down on professionally. After an exhaustive review and studying her conduct and behavior with other colleagues and managers, I understood that it was not personal. She supervised tasks she did not know, underestimated the work of her employees, her personality created displeasure and she had other personal matters. I decided to request a meeting. In a professional and calm way, I expressed my displeasure and how I felt with her response. She couldn't figure out how to apologize, she was nervous. From that moment her attitude towards me changed, she was respectful in front of me, although not so with other colleagues.
Sometimes it is difficult for us to understand the possibility that there are still employees who have certain behaviors that contradict the policies established in companies to regulate the ethical behavior of their employees. And that both Managers, Supervisors and employees of Human Resources are aware of it but appear to be doing nothing or it is they who are engaging in such acts. We find it outrageous! But the reality is that we do not know if corrective disciplinary processes and methods are being implemented. To the extent that they fulfill their purpose, we can set labor limits.
Setting limits in our work relationships not only with colleagues, they must also be implemented with Managers, Supervisors and Human Resources employees. The position they have is not relevant, they may conduct themselves or make inappropriate and unethical comments. Would it be easier to change jobs? But how can we establish them if we have been in this situation for a long time? How about I get fired?
Changing jobs is not the solution, that is running away, allowing, lowering your head in the face of an injustice. Additionally, the works are not the order of the day. We must face labor situations with professionalism, ethics, verticality and objectivity. This is how you grow, you learn to have self-control and we respect ourselves. In an uncomfortable situation we must separate the personal from the work, look at the facts and give weight to the consequences. We must ask ourselves the following basic questions: Is the subject professional? Is your tone professional? Do you handle the situation professionally and ethically? What responsibility do I carry? Am I professional and ethical? Does this situation warrant Human Resources to intervene?
In most everyday situations in our jobs, most are solved by setting limits, but many times we have waited a long time to do it and we have also made mistakes. It is true that we cannot turn the time to change everything, but we can amend the present. We must identify the root of the problem. Most work problems stem from what I call the three doors. These should not be opened since once they are open they are difficult to close, but not impossible. These are; Gossip, destructive criticism, personal and intimate problems. But what can I do if I have already made mistakes and opened one or more of these doors?
Gossip, an existing problem in all jobs. Although gossip affects the protagonist, it affects the person who says it, it already loses credibility and confidentiality.
Regardless of whether or not what is told or what you know, if the protagonist does not find out, there is no sense in telling one or more people. And if the protagonist knows about your feelings, there is no sense in saying it either. You go to forums where you can get help, otherwise it is gossip. But what to do if they tell you a gossip? A while ago I had a situation in which an employee told me gossip about a person at work and I agreed because they were true. Until I started to feel uncomfortable because I understood it was not the right thing. I told a friend about this situation and she gave me three alternatives: Say nothing, comment on something positive about the person to counter the negative, or ask if that person knows what you think or how you feel. For my situation, I decided that making positive comments was the best way to resolve it. The results were not overnight but I was firm and the results were better than I expected. Not only did he stop telling me gossip about the person in question, he stopped telling me any gossip and tried not to tell anyone else in my presence.
Destructive criticism, a daily situation to which we are all exposed and the tendency is to respond defensively, we take it personally. First of all, listen, think and evaluate your answer. In cases where there is a lot of criticism, the best answer is to remain silent. Although a saying says that "he who keeps silent gives," I think that sometimes it makes you earn respect. Faced with criticism, silence, respect and a calm voice are the best answer. The person who criticizes, as a general rule, expects a negative response, but when he does not obtain it, he usually abandons this behavior with the person who had it. You are likely to try another person. But sometimes we are the ones who criticize, we don't have a filter! This conduct must be eliminated, because as the saying goes "you cannot preach morality in shorts".Begin to rectify, to value, to see other qualities and then you can issue constructive criticism if necessary and requested.
Personal and intimate problems are situations that should not be a topic of conversation at work. The personal and intimate requires a level of trust and confidentiality that is difficult to establish in a friendly relationship in the workplace. For example, some time ago a boy decided to have a relationship with a coworker, which did not seem to be a problem because they did not work in the same department and were very good friends, but she was married and had problems in her marriage.. He trusted her and in turn she trusted her coworkers. After a short time the relationship ended and she began to say everything he had confided to her and their intimacies. A third person was affected and they were front page news for several months.
Choosing a partner or friends is not difficult, you just have to listen and observe. Listens; That partner who tells you life and miracle of another or others, is likely to do the same with what you tell him. Observe; That partner who gestures when someone turns his back may do the same when you turn around.
At work we can have healthy and cordial relationships, but never forget that you are paid to work, your partner like you also wants to grow professionally and your boss is not your best friend. Set limits, close dangerous and unstable doors, create and maintain a single posture. If your behavior has not been professional, it will take time for them to see your change and adapt. Be patient and firm.
