Sometimes we alternate with men and women without resources to support an educated and entertaining gathering; These are reduced to labor matters, curiosities of the weather and trivialities. One of the main reasons for my ostensible general distance lies in this aspect. It is difficult for me to face such undeniable boredom.
Family talk encourages closeness, develops personality, builds confidence, and promotes essential soft skills. I suggest parents to chat with their children in order to stimulate and strengthen their levels of development. Although it is convenient to evoke the well-known assertion: "What is not born does not grow." If parents avoid making this skill known, as a result of current limitations, it will be impossible to pass it on.
On how many occasions have we heard people say "don't talk to strangers", "you have nothing to talk to him", "stay quiet, play blind, deaf and dumb", among an endless number of slogans that can be formulated with good intention. However, these influence interpersonal growth. Even more so if we are dealing with children or adolescents with low self-esteem, emotional dependency, restricted interpersonal intelligence, etc. I advise proceeding with lucidity, assertiveness and maturity.
The inopia of the parents is perceived, among other circumstances, when we go to restaurants and each member of the family remains silenced taking a look at their cell phone. The same happens on trips, walks and Sunday meetings. The hardship and inability of girls and boys to dialogue with their uncles or grandparents is normal. They try to hide their shortages by concentrating their attention on their brand new Iphone, which, incidentally, has become one more sign of an opulence that is not necessarily coupled with its lackluster intellectual sphere. In this regard, I hear the unfortunate, conformist and complicit expression "this is the youth of today." That is a lie, that procedure confirms the paradigm transmitted by parents. Too bad!
On the other hand, I alternate with adolescents with proven communication qualities. Coincidentally, they have been shaped in media where family conversations, illustration and social skills will strengthen their development. My friend Tatiana, at 34 years old, is an opposite example. Her dull self-worth, simulated sociability and insufficient culture, have shaped a fearful, pale and wayward personality. This pattern of behavior should not be considered common in the new generations. It is the tip of the "iceberg" of the shortages that will affect their professional future. But -as in many other mortals- there is no will to identify and analyze this lacerating reality that will impoverish her destiny. Therefore, the panic to recognize their demands obstructs their well-being.
Cultural solvency offers enriching elements for conversation. It is convenient to approach history, art, literature, etc. to house inspirational knowledge. Within this context, reading is a hobby that envelops, ennobles, offers a singular delight and raises consciences, promotes disagreement and strengthens self-love, essential components to get out of the backwardness that afflicts us. I reiterate my sharp statement: the library of a home is the mirror of the thinking and spiritual ambitions of its inhabitants. One devoid of books, is a corner without dignity, vision, insight and progress. I add something else: tell me what you read and I will tell you who you are.
There are those who make a monologue oriented to impose their points of view, added to its hostile and undemocratic character. Chatting represents mutual sharing, learning, reflecting and feeding our reasoning; it is not an irreconcilable and harsh confrontation. Deborah Tannen, Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University, explains: "A well-conducted conversation is a vision of sanity, a ratification of our own way of being and of our own place in the world."
Consider these contributions: participate through an understandable gathering; be courteous and respectful even in the most tense moments; Refuse to become the center of attention; sidestep offensive revelations to those present, especially in reference to their religious, political, or sexual choices; avoid imposing a topic that is only in your interest and domain; cultivate empathy and tolerance. If you have the gift of fine irony, you should know how to channel it. There are susceptible mortals, full of complexes and lacking the amplitude to understand it.
It is important to refuse to participate in impertinent chatter, intimate gossip, and detrimental to the honor or privacy of others. Know what to share and with whom, you can be involved in uncomfortable situations. I ratify what was expressed in my article "Excuse the question…": "I want to reveal my overwhelming fear when they tell me 'we are in confidence', to begin to scrutinize my salary, my single status, the price of a garment, the reasons for the divorce of my brother, among a host of snooping "creoles". Keep in mind: the right thing in an educated and educated society, ends up being the wrong thing in our environment and vice versa. Painful reality that we are obliged to contribute to reversing with our firm behavior ”.
In this sense, the appreciations of the illustrious German baron Alexander Von Humboldt are convincing, who -during his brief stay in Peru in 1802- noted in his travel journal: “… It could be said that the god Rímac, who according to Garcilaso (in allusion to the illustrious historian and chronicler of Hispanic-Inca descent known as the Inca Garcilaso de la Vega) was called 'the speaking god', he also presides over all the social classes of Lima, because there are few places in the world where people talk more and less work. Interesting, accurate and current dimensioning.
Never use your state of health as a pretext to address medical issues, diets, treatments, operations, etc. It is usual to meet people eager to offer a tedious account of their apparent and exaggerated conditions. Finding out about grandchildren, first-born children, gastronomic recipes, fashionable garments and domestic workers is almost a ritual in female encounters; in males, the details of labor issues are imperative, and also heated discussions of politics and sports. Deep and qualitative evenings are non-existent.
There are those who - due to their inseparable insecurity and shyness - end up immersed in a perceptible discomfort when they communicate with strangers. The widespread “Chuncholandia” syndrome is present in meetings characterized by the routine formation of “tribes” according to sex, age and affinity. If someone demonstrates high security and intends to integrate with the "clique" of others, he is expelled or frowned upon. The laughable habit of forging connections based on certain “lodges” restricts the approach and the conversation. Remember: when we leave the "comfort area" we expand our perception of human diversity.
Personally, the conversations that gave me the most wisdom and that I also have in mind on the retina of my intense remembrances were with Felipe Benavides Barreda, the famous Peruvian environmentalist of the mid-20th century, with whom I had the privilege of sharing the best years of my youth. His extraordinary view of the world, his overflowing erudition and firmness impacted me from our first meeting (1984). Also, the gatherings with the wise man and researcher Javier Pulgar Vidal were instructive and entertaining; his humility, patient style, and affability raised and differentiated him. With my dear friends the poet Miguel López Cano, the diplomat Augusto Dammert León and the politician Nicanor Mujica Álvarez Calderón, our discussions continue in my longings for their invaluable value, encouragement and sobering spirit.
Practice it and take on the challenge of enhancing your discernment. A lady or gentleman of charming talk carries the seed of a leader. Never again valid is the statement of the 19th century German philosopher, musician and poet Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche: “One is looking for someone to help him give birth to his thoughts, another, someone to help: this is how a good conversation arises "
To finish, and as a complement, Professor Álvaro González-Alorda talks about the power of conversation in the following video:
