Defining what is the reality of a situation or an emotion is as complex as the diversity of points of view is complex. Each person observes the world and responds to it from their own perspective, which is nuanced by its history, beliefs, culture and values. Because of this, reaching an agreement is sometimes difficult, since the vision itself is put into play, from which multiple interests emerge. When the interests and the needs seem incompatible, the conflict arises, the same that is simply that, when the needs or concerns of two or more people are incompatible.
The way of approaching the conflict obeys again to certain behavior patterns that have been created from our own world view. How a person copes with or deals with conflict is inherent in it and sometimes limits it to explore other ways of dealing with it; resulting in what you get being similar and missing the opportunity to get more out of the situation.
There is no ideal way to approach conflict. The situation should be seen as a game of chess, where we must think calmly about the strategy, depending on our adversary, our interests and the pieces that are at stake.
The word conflict has a different connotation for each person. While for some it is an opportunity to make changes, perhaps getting energized, for others it is a waste of time or a situation where emotions come into play, as do relationships. All perceptions are valid, as each individual is unique.
In this article I would like to invite you to take the following approach to conflict:
"When the interests or needs between two or more people seem incompatible", looking at it this way, when a family sits down to dinner and the mother asks what they want, the conflict will surely appear; one son will want muffins and the other hot cakes.
Two dimensions will influence the agreement: meeting your own needs and meeting the needs of the other. Perhaps one brother always tends to give in, while another always tries to win; Mom may ask them to come to an agreement and choose something else to eat, or maybe he will do what they ask each. As you will see, all the positions are valid, but always reacting the same responds to a pattern of behavior and not to an evaluation of the situation.
To address the different styles of conflict, I will lean on the theory of Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, who developed the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI®) tool to point out five styles or ways to approach conflict under two dimensions: Assertiveness (the degree to which a person tries to satisfy their needs or concerns) and Cooperation (the degree to which a person tries to satisfy the needs or concerns of the other.
The following diagram graphically shows the TKI®. I will describe each style or conflict management and the elements that we should consider before using it:
Conflict style or management
The COMPETITOR STYLE has high assertiveness and low cooperation, indicating that this style seeks to fully satisfy your interests.
When to use it?
- When a quick decision or action is needed; in a crisis.Or when you have to make unpopular or difficult decisions.When you know that you are right in problems that are of critical importance (security, ethics or integrity).To protect yourself (a highly competitive environment).Also to achieve quick results.To affirm your position.
What skills are required?
- Ability to argue or debate. Experiencing comfort with the use of rank or position to influence. Ability to hold their opinions assertively and confidently. Ability to decide which issues are vital.
Potential implications of overusing it:
- People may feel under-empowered and unable to disagree, speak, or give feedback. It can have a negative impact on relationships, and opportunities to learn from other people may be lost.
Potential implications of using it a little:
- Have little influence. Actions may be delayed. May be seen as indecisive or weak. Others may lose their ideas.
In the lower right corner we have the COMPLACIENT STYLE, quite the opposite of the competitor. This style prioritizes interpersonal relationships over results.
When to use it?
- When the problem is more important to the other person. When you realize that you are wrong, in a losing position or need to obey authority.
- To demonstrate that you are being reasonable and fair, or to encourage others to take risks, also to build relationships, preserve or restore harmony, to learn from others.
What skills are required?
- Feel comfortable if you don't "win" all the time. Listen carefully. Be attentive to the needs of others. Be willing to explain your position so as not to appear weak.
Potential implications of overusing it:
- People may devalue their contributions. They may have little influence on others. They may view him as someone who does not set clear boundaries and feel that they may "get away with it." Or they may perceive him as weak or "too kind" and take advantage.
Potential implications of using it a little:
- It can affect your relationships. It can also generate low morale in others, as they may believe that your contributions are worthless. You may lose energy in lost battles before hand. Or it may seem that you are unable to change your stance.
Now let's focus on the lower left end: THE EVASIVE STYLE. Located in the center of both dimensions, “neither asks nor gives”. It would seem a style that contributes little, however, like the others, it can be part of our strategy.
When to use it?
- For trivial problems. As a temporary step, when there is too much tension. To save time (for example, if more information is needed). When you have little or no power or control. Also when someone else must take responsibility for solving the situation or can resolve it more efficiently. When the problem is a symptom of a larger underlying situation. Or when the problem is no longer important.
What skills are required?
- Know what problems can be avoided The ability to allow problems to go unresolved Ability to recognize when a discussion should be postponed and when it is appropriate to resume it Recognize when it is someone else's problem Comfort when one is not involved and others They make the decisions. Ability to explain their reasons for not getting involved and not appearing unresponsive.
Potential implications of overusing it:
- You may miss opportunities to brainstorm on issues that matter to you. They can make decisions on your behalf. Problems remain unsolved. Relationships can deteriorate over time. And people may perceive you as numb and not know what is important.
Potential implications of using it a little:
- It can be seen as stubborn or looking for a fight. Or it can get overly involved in problems, unnecessarily increasing your workload. It can prevent other people from taking responsibility.
Now we come to the upper right corner: COLLABORATING STYLE, with high assertiveness and high cooperation. This style allows both interests to be satisfied, however, we have to evaluate several factors before using it: time, energy, interests.
When to use it?
- When both contributions matter. To test your ideas and understand others' ideas. Or to generate innovative solutions to complex problems. To generate commitment. Also, to improve difficult relationships. When there is enough time and energy to invest. And when there is trust.
What skills are required?
- Ability to objectively analyze information. Willingness to share ideas and information. Ability to listen and empathize with others. The ability to identify underlying problems and the root cause. Ability to understand problems from different perspectives and generate multiple possibilities..The ability to understand and build on the opinions of others. Willingness to explain their ideas and points of view.
Potential implications of overusing it:
- Time and energy can be wasted on trivial matters. Fuzzy responsibility can lead to no one taking responsibility and taking responsibility. Actions can be delayed. People may see you as overly dependent on others.
Potential implications of using it a little:
- You may not get the commitment of others. People may not feel empowered. You may seem lacking in creativity and innovation and turn off others. Or you may not seem to be looking for the best solution.
Let us finally focus on the style that appears in the middle: CONCESSIVE STYLE. He is also assertive and cooperative, but does not seek, as in the previous one, to fully satisfy the needs of all the people involved. Look for quick, somewhat partial solutions.
When to use it?
- To resolve issues of moderate importance When both sides are equally powerful, and the issue is equally important to both As a temporary solution to complex problems in order to gain time When there is no time and quick solutions must be provided Or when the competition and / or collaboration have been unsuccessful when there is stagnation to find viable agreement on issues where ethics or values are not involved.
What skills are required?
- Ability to find an intermediate point, identifying and suggesting solutions that work Negotiation ability to keep the dialogue open Willingness to make concessions Flexibility and use of inclusive language Willingness to explain what is important to the person and to identify the points where will not grant.
Potential implications of overusing it:
- You can sacrifice long-term strategic goals to achieve short-term tactical solutions. Or you can be seen as someone who is unwilling to take a stand. You can lose effort trying to negotiate every problem. People can perceive you as a player.
Potential implications of using it a little:
- You can lose effort trying to "win" every problem. You can be unnecessarily involved in confrontations or power struggles. You can be seen as someone who is not willing to give and take. They can see you as unreasonable and inflexible.
As you may have seen throughout the descriptions, addressing a conflict involves stopping to think about various factors to determine the appropriate strategy: time, energy, relationships, level of importance, risk, etc.
The interesting thing is that just as we learned to behave and face conflict, we can learn new behaviors and through repetition generate new paths or options to enhance our possibilities.
Let us reflect on what has supported our culture and education, distinguish our beliefs that sometimes stop us instead of enabling us to look for options. Let us put aside our emotions and be objective; An idea is at stake, not our person.
In my experience as a consultant and facilitator, I have used the TKI® assessment on many occasions and I can tell you that the knowledge that is awakened in each person is invaluable and that exercising new models, a new approach to others.
In the following article I will comment on how the TKI® can be used in equipment. Can you imagine how team style influences conflict resolution? To make use of this tool is to give new possibilities to face the conflict and change the vision of it.
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Successfully used by companies and organizational development professionals for over 40 years, the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument® (TKI®) is the world's best-selling assessment to understand how different conflict management styles affect dynamics. interpersonal and group.
The TKI® allows people to understand the nature of the conflict and the best way to deal with it; both managing interpersonal conflict as well as learning new approaches and suggesting situations that allow us to manage it.
Human Development Solutions is the only Authorized Distributor and Certifier in Spanish for Latin America.
