We start from the conception that communication is action. What do we mean by this? That we act through the transforming power of the word, and that when we speak things happen and when we remain silent others happen. And when we talk and say one thing, something certain happens and when we say another, something different happens. It is through our conversations that we carry out many of the actions in our lives.
When we analyze what type of tasks are performed daily by the members of the companies, we can identify, for example: advise, plan, coordinate, train, guide, organize, evaluate, control, negotiate, lead, motivate, interview, serve the public. All these tasks are carried out mainly by talking to others. Much of the tasks that are carried out in an organization have an important conversational component, that is, we work and carry out our tasks speaking and conversing with others. It is not that in addition to working we talk, but that we work and act through our conversations. And that by talking we are generating a different reality, creating a world of possibilities and senses that before that conversation was non-existent.
Through our conversations, we not only act but also interact, establish connections, coordinate actions, build ties and agree on commitments. We create new events and generate different futures. We call for a new project, we propose new objectives, we propose new ideas, and we do all this by talking to another. Through our conversations and our narratives we create new senses and model the perception of other people.
By noticing the dimension that our conversations acquire and the way they influence all areas of our lives, the vital importance of developing our competence in the art of conversation arises clearly.
Each conversation is a unique fact. It is the meeting and exchange between two or more individuals. In every conversation there is a dance between speaking and listening and listening and speaking, an incessant round trip of words and emotions. We speak, listen, observe and assign meaning to both the verbal and non-verbal language of our interlocutor. It is in conversations where the depth and complexity of the human being emerges, as in few instances, and its deployment in relational dynamics.
While we talk, we carry out a set of actions sequentially or simultaneously: we talk (we expose or we investigate), we listen, and we exchange our emotionality. Based on these actions, we propose that the art of effective conversation is closely related to the development of five conversational skills:
- To speak with power. To listen in depth. To inquire with mastery. To enter in tune. To talk constructively.
Speaking with power is related to warning that we act through the transforming power of the word and that all speaking is acting. But what is truly revealing and surprising is that when we reflect on what kind of actions we perform when we speak, we conclude that we can detect a specific and limited set of actions that are repeated in any language that is used anywhere on the planet.
We can identify six universal actions performed in language, which we will call "linguistic acts":
- Affirmations Judgments Declarations Orders Purchases Commitments
Each of these actions that we execute in the language fulfills a specific role in our conversations. The last three are linked to the coordination of actions.
Listening in depth means considering that when we perform the action of listening, we are assigning meaning to everything we hear and see from our interlocutor. Generally speaking is thought to be more important, since it seems to be the active side of communication, while listening is often considered passive.
From the traditional conception of communication, an exclusive emphasis is placed on the ability to express oneself, which leads most people to underestimate the action of listening. Generally when someone considers that they should improve their communication skills, they are referring to how to speak better and not how to listen better. This is why the vast majority of communication courses are focused on saying and not listening.
In order to deepen the analysis of listening, we must enter the dual dimension of speaking, since when we communicate we do so through the language of words, but also through non-verbal language, and, therefore, when we are from the place of listening, we listen to both languages simultaneously.
The importance of investigating with mastery comes from its double role in a conversational context. Inquiry is the means that we use to be able to “listen better”, to deepen the meaning of our interlocutor's speech, to obtain more information and to clarify our doubts about what we hear. But also inquiry is a powerful instrument that allows us to delve into the levels of analysis, guiding the thought process in search of new senses and interpretations. Anyone who uses their conversations as their work tool, from a therapist to a salesperson, knows the important role that questions play in communicative interaction.
Getting in tune is a key element in establishing high-quality communication. We can define tuning as the link established in conversation, in such a way that a climate of trust and understanding is created. When we get in tune with someone we have the feeling of being linked by an imperceptible melody that guides us in the subtle dance of communication. Attunement is established between people not so much by what is said, but by how it is said. It has more to do with the process than with the content of the conversation.
Conversing constructively implies becoming aware of the attitude with which we assume our conversations. We can have excellence in our communication skills and use our knowledge and skills to discredit our interlocutor, to impose our point of view, to "win" the debate or to exalt our ego. Whether conversations take place constructively depends largely on the beliefs and values that underpin how we bond with each other.
