It is a paradox in our century that technological innovation that has facilitated the speed and scope of communications has also caused a decrease in face-to-face communication.
In all areas of our lives, effective communication favors teamwork, achieving goals collaboratively, avoiding misunderstandings and damage to interpersonal relationships.
The objective of this article is to clarify the basic aspects of communication as the basic axioms raised by one of its main Watzlawick theorists, the barriers that can hinder a good understanding and some modest orientations that facilitate the success of communication.
Introduction
Communication is one of the greatest achievements of humanity. In our times, we find it surprising and even alarming, the fact that communication has managed to cross borders never imagined due to the technological advances achieved.
We manage to have news almost at the same time as any event occurs, we have internet, email, fax, teleconferences, cell phones and we have alternatives to chat. All these means make it easier for us to communicate at great speed. Manuel Calviño's quote in his book "Communication Acts: from commitment and hope" illustrates this reality very clearly: "an optical fiber can transport two hundred times more information than a coaxial cable; Fiber optic repeaters can be more than 100 km apart from each other, compared to about 1.5 km in traditional electrical systems; A single pair of fiber optic cables can transmit over a thousand conversations simultaneously; fiber optic networks are capable of hosting 500 television channels,they can receive 34,000 round-trip telephone lines ”(Calviño, 2004: 158).
We continue to quote, now Dorfles when he reflects on technological development, some years ago "the danger occurs when the technical instruments split off from the human ego, that is, when the technique becomes self-sufficient or takes over man instead of letting itself be taken over for him ”(Dorfles, 1969: 34 quoted by Calviño M., 2004) and it is that one of the paradoxes of the 21st century, is that despite the fact that we can communicate at such a magnitude, there is plenty of evidence that this effectiveness in terms of accessibility And speed has sacrificed the effectiveness of interpersonal communication, call it interactive communication or face to face.
We speak of interpersonal communication when we have more than one participant, who have a certain physical closeness and interact with each other, that is, messages are exchanged, information is given and received.
Participants do not necessarily have to have a strengthened relationship beforehand, as interpersonal relationships can manifest at different levels.
We do not intend that each communication act of ours necessarily has to involve deep interpersonal communication, we can, for example, greet in the morning routinely, ask how are you?, Talk about the weather and even deal with a daily matter in our company impersonally, without this being a problem.
More if we want to resolve a conflict in a constructive way, manage a company with greater success, coordinate team functions, make sales and win clients, the value of effective interpersonal communication cannot be denied. Communicating effectively means going beyond saying the right words and implies knowing crucial elements of the communicative act itself, which we will try to summarize in the following work.
It is much better for all of us that we take care of our communication and be favoring a clear understanding instead of later, investing our time and energy in repairing relationships and projects damaged by misunderstanding.
The communication process
The contemporary business world imposes great challenges on all of us. We are subject to the challenge of globalization, the aforementioned technological innovation, competition, instability and unpredictability.
Faced with this reality, today's organizations try to achieve more effective and efficient results according to the objectives for which they arose and try to have better human resources, who ultimately are the life of the organization, are the organization itself.
Traditionally, in human resources management, skills or competences were sought -to be in tune with current approaches- of a technical nature, and "almost never to say never, we were evaluated by social and individual competences (…) according to a recent study carried out among Swedish companies, they assign to individual and social competences a weight of 70% compared to the others that make up the occupational profile for a job.
It should be noted that modern companies generate in the tertiary sector, that is,
in the field of services, the greatest offer of employees (65% of the available positions) (…) most of the evaluations are made up of applications of instruments that exclusively measure knowledge ”(Gordillo, 2005).
As Gordillo (2005) continues to emphasize: “in today's world, information and technology change rapidly, but the essence of the person, referring to their facilities for interrelation, for taking responsibility for their actions, for being cooperative in their workplace and of being interested in their own professional growth they have a more permanent character… ”
We wanted to offer this preamble to recognize the relevant place that social skills are occupying in the contemporary world, which are defined as (Iruarrizaga, Gómez-Segura, Criado, Zuaco and Sastre, 2002):
- Manifest behaviors of people, that is, they are observable with the naked eye. In a context of face-to-face interaction with the other, if they do not lose their sense (this is their thermometer). They are characterized by the development of fluent communication, where you can express your own opinions, feelings and emotions in a way that is consistent with the situation. And its level of complexity varies from maintaining eye contact to offering a whole sales pitch or leading a meeting.
To some extent we all have some kind of ability to communicate with others, due to our own essence as social beings, but their effectiveness in the workplace is in correspondence with the status and role we play and the importance of work and collaboration. as a team, hence the insistence on them.
Deficits in interpersonal skills can be expressed as a fear of expressing yourself in public, facing or simply talking to superiors, refusal to pay and receive compliments, anxiety about receiving denials, excessive concern about what others express, fear of expressing opinions and to defend own rights, difficulty in expressing annoyances and disagreements, among others.
Although certain people from the early stages of life have facilities for interpersonal contact because the environment in which they develop has contributed to this, strengthening as they age, they may also face the challenge of playing a job or a task that implies this skill and is acquired through refresher courses, professional training, scientific bibliography and even through techniques that are used empirically, give a positive result and are incorporated, that is, they can be developed.
One of the aspects that defines interpersonal skills is fluid communication. We can then come to the conclusion that we cannot separate them from effective communication. And when is there effective communication?
When what is said is properly heard and understood by those who communicate in order to offer the appropriate answers.
It is almost certain that any of us have experienced, even more than once, the sensation that when speaking with another person, it is as if we speak very different languages or languages, and we have also experienced the discomfort of the consequences of misunderstandings for not expressing ourselves clearly. or not asking for necessary clarifications, this exemplifies ineffective communication.
The communicative process is a process of exchanging messages, messages that have a content and that have affective-emotional elements. This exchange occurs between a sender and a receiver. We will describe each of them.
It is called an issuer, who initiates communication. This person must have an intention (what I am communicating for), elaborate what he wants to say (what I am going to communicate) and look for a how he is going to do it. This happens very quickly and the three elements are intermingled.
The receiver in turn, receives the message, decodes it. Reconstruct the message you received. An indispensable aspect for him is the active listening of the message to immediately feed back to the sender what he understood, which helps the sender to clarify what he said and avoid misunderstandings. Sometimes we shoot a message and we don't really say what we want or we don't say it in the best way.
Positive attitude is also pointed out as a positive factor because if you are predisposed to what you are going to hear, reading the message will have excessive emotional components, leading to an erroneous and not very objective interpretation.
The communication process is complex and includes a large number of variables, just to mention a few: the individual needs of the participants, the perception that I have of the other, the status of each one, the place where the process occurs, the moment that choose, the presence or not of more people.
But despite the complexity of communication, when it does not work properly, it is a source of conflict, misunderstanding and can interfere with motivation, productivity and the achievement of business objectives.
Professor Lirios Alos Simo develops the concept of communication, the functions and the communication process in the organization, as well as the main barriers that individuals encounter in communication in the following video:
Axioms of communication
Research on communication theory has been assuming a systemic approach, to conceive all behavior in a relational way and as representative of some form of communication.
Communication is attributed some properties of an axiomatic nature, which have fundamental consequences for human relations. An axiom is a basic statement that is established without being proved.
They are not true or false in themselves, they are conventions used as principles of derivation of the other statements of a theory.
The 5 communication axioms that we will mention were specified by Watzlawick and his collaborators (Watzlawick, 1993):
1. You cannot not communicate.
It is impossible not to behave, non-conduct does not exist.
In an interaction situation, all behavior has the value of a message, that is, of communication. Activity or inactivity, words or silence, always influence others with the value of a message, who also respond to what they understood of the message.
In some situations people are forced to communicate but want to avoid the commitment inherent in all communication, so they use disqualification techniques (communicating in such a way that their own communication or that of the other is invalidated), among which are inconsistencies, changes of theme, tangentializations, incomplete sentences, misunderstandings, literal interpretations of the metaphor or metaphorical interpretation of literal expressions.
2. In all communication there is a level of content and a level of relationship.
Every communication process involves what we say - the content - and to whom and how we tell it - a relationship.
We express in the communicative link, the way of being that we have and the vision of the relationship of the other person.
The content level of a message transmits the information and the relational transmits the type of relationship that I want to achieve with my interlocutor, delimits the type of desirable relationship.
The receiver in the communication can reject, disqualify or accept the received message. In healthy relationships, the communicative relational aspect is lost, while in sick relationships, Watzlawick points out, there is a constant struggle for the nature of the relationship, passing the content to occupy an unimportant place.
In effective communication, the ability to metacommunicate is considered vital, this means talking about communication since sometimes there are only false disagreements.
3. The nature of a relationship depends on how to punctuate or guide the communication sequences that each participant establishes.
Communication can be understood as an uninterrupted series of exchange of messages, however, participants in this process always introduce what is called by human communication theorists "fact sequence scoring".
Let us try to clarify what has been raised, for example, in an exchange or interaction, someone has the initiative, dominance, dependency, etc.
A person with a certain behavior is a leader, another person is considered an adept, and it is difficult to clarify which one comes first or what would be one without the other.
A major source of conflict is the lack of agreement in scoring the sequences of events.
Let us suppose a problem between two co-workers to which one of them responds with marked withdrawal and the other with constant criticism.
When explaining both behaviors, that of withdrawal suggests that this is nothing more than defense against the constant criticism of the other and the latter refers to criticizing him for his passivity. In other words, there is an exchange of the following messages: I withdraw because you criticize me and I criticize you because you withdraw; There are very different ways to guide the relationship, which undoubtedly brings mutual accusations.
The problem of discrepancies is on multiple occasions because one of the participants does not have the same information as the other but does not know it and a vicious circle is created that is difficult to break, except that communication itself becomes the center of attention (metacommunication).
Another clear example is when I send an email to the head of a certain department of my company to clarify some labor issues, this second responds but the answer does not come due to problems on the server.
The one who sent his questions initially considers that they did not answer him, that they evade him, that they are not interested in his problem and he is offended, leaving the situation.
Silent discomfort can last forever, unless they decide to find out what happened, because in this case it was a casual external event that interfered in the scoring of the events.
4. In all communication there is a digital level and an analog level.
Analog language is determined by non-verbal behavior and will be the vehicle of the relationship.
Digital language is transmitted through linguistic or written symbols and will be the vehicle for communication content.
In his need to combine both languages, man, either as receiver or emitter, must constantly translate or decode from one to the other and there is an inherent difficulty in this decoding process.
Just as data is lost from analog to analog mode, it is also difficult to transfer from analog to digital.
Not only is it difficult for the broadcaster to verbalize their own analog communications, but if there is an interpersonal controversy as to the meaning of a particular analog communication, either party is likely to introduce the digital translation mode into the process.
Bringing a present is an indisputable analogue communication, but based on the vision one has of the relationship with the one who offers it, it can be understood by the receiver as a display of affection or a bribe.
There are plenty of examples of inconsistencies between both languages, the boss who comes shouting and says he is not upset.
5. All communication exchanges are symmetrical or complementary, depending on whether they are based on equality or difference.
Complementary relationships are based on the complementarity of the behavior of one of the participants in relation to the behavior of the other.
There are two different positions, one occupies the primary or superior position and the other the secondary or inferior position.
It is important not to identify these positions with other terms such as good, bad, strong or weak. Such a relationship may be due to the context: the doctor-patient, teacher-student, parent-child, boss-subordinate relationship and the behavior of each favors that of the other, is a kind of mutual fit.
Neither participant imposes a complementary relationship on the other but behaves in the way that the other's behavior presupposes and there are reasons for it.
For their part, symmetrical relationships are based on equality and can be the result of a context (brothers, husbands, friends, workers on the same team) and the style of a particular dyad.
In this relationship there is a danger of competition or rivalry, this manifests itself in a special way in work teams, where stability is broken and one of the members leaves symmetry, which is answered by trying to regain balance lost.
Symmetry and complementarity are simply basic concepts in communicational exchanges.
Both fulfill important functions and can be present although alternating in different areas or functions.
Barriers in communication.
Human communication is irreversible, what has been said is said, that is why we insisted so much at the beginning on the importance of taking care of the ways of communicating.
In this way we seriously save ourselves the time and resources that we would need to invest to correct mistakes and misunderstandings.
What we communicate is going to have consequences on the interlocutor, it is not a mere vehicle through which information is transmitted, but it plays a role in the personal identity of the communicators, it can damage or attack someone's personal esteem and the range is modeled of permissible and non-permissible relationships, to which the other or the other participants in the communication process react.
In communication, the needs of more than one person come into play, with different customs, values, beliefs, personal history, ways of reasoning and personal characteristics.
Each human being, in his unique and unrepeatable character, communicates with his personal code, for example a simple good morning… how is he? for some of us it can only indicate a routine greeting, while for others more used to tweeting, it can indicate the clear framing of limits.
To this we can add the human cognitive limitation that we are not mental readers, we do not have the cognitive capacity to adequately read the true intention of each message that is transmitted to us.
The message and the extraverbal are read, not what is behind it. There is a tendency to leave many things in doubt and what happens is that the other tends to fill the spaces of what was not said, with what, according to his judgment and personal code, was meant.
This in certain relationships, especially where there are close links, may work but it is not what is optimal; How many conflicts we do not have with emotionally close people both in the family and at work because the other read things that I never wanted to say, because according to Watzlawick there are incompatibilities when guiding the sequence of events that occur in communication.
The messages do not have a meaning by themselves, the meaning is given by us. The language is very rich, it is flexible and it offers us a wide variety of ways to express ourselves, but it is not a Morse code. What we say we impose a personal meaning and the other interprets it with its own system of meanings.
As we see communication, in addition to being a complex process, it has an extensive wealth in terms of variables that intervene in it. Now we will try to summarize what has been called communication barriers (Picard Ch, 2002), because they hinder effective communication from taking place:
- The distortion of received messages.
We think (400 to 500 words per minute) faster than we speak (125 to 150 words per minute), therefore, sometimes we can send a message and the words we had and the way to do it went out of our minds.
I may not offer feedback to the issuer of what I understood from their message and was left with a misinterpretation.
The very different meaning that the messages have for one of us, can lead us to be speaking in different languages if I am not able to clarify my intention, avoid gaps and systematically provide feedback.
- Stimulus interference.
Inadvertently we pay attention to many stimuli, it is a process that does not occur consciously. The ringing phones, the doors, what is spoken nearby that I can hear, all of which distract us and cause less of the message to be received.
In addition, 75% of oral communication can be quickly forgotten.
The more interference (to which we pay unintentional attention), the more information is lost from the message and the faster its clarity can be forgotten.
- Emitter and receiver with different guide channels.
Each person communicates better through a sensory channel: visual, auditory or kinesthetic.
- The receiver hears what he does not want to hear (bad news, criticism or even a simple comment). This takes on a worse connotation if it takes place in an inappropriate space, context, or time.
Stress and anxiety cause cognitive stress or rigidity, redundancy, which means that the information processing capacity is diminished. The person loses perspective on the content of the message and focuses on the emotional reactions caused by what is heard.
You can give a premature exit, expressing the first thing that occurs to you and ending the communication without generating all the possible alternatives and without requesting or requesting more relevant information.
He cannot see beyond what he feels, his thinking is emotional and he overlooks long-term consequences.
- The receiver evaluates the status of the sender.
More than the content of the message, the one who gives the message is taken into account and it is this that determines the interpretation, for example I am predisposed to what he is going to tell me because he is the boss.
- Inconsistency between the verbal and the extraverbal.
The extraverbal channel discredits what I am proposing as the content of my message.
- Transmitter and receiver with very different personalities and styles.
We have reiterated that people communicate by displaying their personal characteristics, styles and needs, some of them are pragmatic, objective, direct, determined and fast, so they stamp the stamp of dynamism and impatience on their communication; others are verbose, cautious, systematic, very patient, with a taste for discussing procedures and details in a strict logical order.
There are also the idealists, imaginative, charismatic, dreamers who constantly talk about great opportunities and who require a lot of time for communication, and we cannot fail to mention the sincere and impetuous communicators who sometimes with their frankness put a brake on the development of the interlocutor.
- Manipulative praise.
You who are so brilliant… could you…
By using praise as a hook to try to get people to change their behavior or for ulterior motives, you can make people suspicious and defensive.
This is different from reinforcing positive behaviors and characteristics or offering security to the interlocutor with a healthy purpose.
- Diagnosis.
You feel that way because you were not included in the stimulus plan.
The emotional detective is played, probing hidden motivations and this causes anger, rejection, undermines the confidence of the interlocutor.
- Labels and sarcasm.
You don't lose cold blood or under pressure.
People are attacked, denigrated and this undoubtedly causes resentment and frustration.
- The order.
You must accept this decision and move on with your life.
When authoritatively says what the other has to do, it may be indicating that we do not consider him an equal, that his judgments lack solidity and therefore he is incapable.
I reiterate, it is not that in certain situations it is necessary to comply with orders and do things that displease us but it should be left for when it is strictly necessary, for example if I have a subordinate who constantly resists authority, at a certain moment I appeal to the order.
We see in the example, that in addition to the work order, the behavior that must be assumed from the emotional point of view is ordered, this if we should never use it.
- The threat. You have to… or…
This ultimatum to change, emphasizes the punishment. Perhaps the same message can be expressed in another way, asking for the desired behavior.
- Approach.
Any responsible person would agree with my point of view.
Support your opinion or solution with moral or social authority.
- I detour.
You say you have concerns. Me what…
Diverting the focus of attention towards me when they come to express something to me, denotes a lack of respect and ethics in human relations, is a classic example of the difficulty of listening.
- Logical arguments and ignore the emotional.
According to the data in this report, you have no reason to feel respect for him.
In a stressful situation it can irritate a person a lot because he wants feelings, built-up affects, to go through something.
- Interruptions.
Cut the message to the sender.
It indicates disrespect, let's remember that people need to be listened to even when we disagree or object to what they say.
- Irrelevance.
Give an answer that is not at all related to what the issuer said to avoid the issue it brings up.
Strategies to communicate effectively
The elements discussed so far lead us to think in ways that facilitate effective communication in any of the areas we develop, particularly in those places where we spend a significant part of our time, as is the case with our labor organizations.
Communicating effectively is a great challenge for all human beings, which is why good communication strategies have been called by some basic communication challenges (Rivers, 2004):
- Active and reflective listening. Feedback of the received message. Clarification of the intention. Clear and complete expression. Use of simple language. Translation of complaints in specific requests. Open and creative questions. Reinforcement of words with actions. Use of various channels.
Active and reflective listening and feedback on the message received.
Knowing how to listen is a very important skill, but one that sometimes costs us a lot of work to put into practice, especially if we are impetuous, pragmatic and urgent people.
It is not healthy for communication, trying to present my point of view immediately, first of all I have to attend to what the other tells me, which in turn makes it easier for me to listen to myself. We must separate two elements that we tend to unite: knowing how to listen and agree, these are two totally different questions, sometimes before the other finishes speaking, I already break with my opinion because they are totally different.
We know that as humans we want both (to be listened to and that they agree with what we propose), but to begin with we give the other half of what interests them, to feel understood.
We listen to what the sender proposes and we feed back to him what he proposes.
Only then is it feasible to intervene either advising, guiding, objecting, etc.
How to feed back on what I heard ?:
If the message is clear to me, I can return it in his own words, for example: "so you do not understand at all what I wanted to say yesterday at the meeting", it is as if it were an echo. I can use my words very simply, which has to be done with extreme care in case the codes are extremely different.
If the message is ambiguous, I should seek more information through inquiry and clarification. For example, "I understand that you want me to explain more to you than I told you yesterday."
If the sender is shouting, I try to keep its energy to get in tune, but I respond by lowering my voice progressively so that it notices or achieves the insight of the tone of its voice.
If it turns in circles, that is, it offers me a kind of speech that seems endless. I must try to summarize the message, for example, "from all that you tell me I can derive that you need more information to finish the balance."
If, on the contrary, the message is too brief, I stimulate the interlocutor to explain more: "You could give me more details so I can understand exactly what you want."
If this process is reversed, that is, before listening and clarifying what I understood from the message, I offer my point of view, the quality of the communication process is greatly affected, which reaches even worse effects if the person comes to communicate a delicate issue to us. him, a conflict or some negative emotion.
People in such circumstances have a great need to be listened to and when interrupted, the more insistent their need for expression will become, strengthening any negative emotion or experience, almost completely losing their ability to listen in relation to any subsequent element in communication., becomes defensive and loses confidence in the relationship.
If I listen to it, I watch it while I listen to it and I give feedback, it will relax and the intensity of the emotion will decrease.
Clarification of intention.
Let us remember that every message has an intention. When my intention is clearly expressed:
- I can receive more cooperation because it is clear what I want him to do, that is, the role I want him to play. I avoid misunderstandings and erroneous readings the other may have a background of the subject to be treated.
The intention is expressed in the simplest possible way, for example, I would like to advise you regarding, I want to give you instructions for, we are going to do the planning of, I have an interest in negotiating about, I need you to support me, I want to ask you…
The more important the topic to be discussed, the clearer the intention of the communication must be to the receiver.
If in addition to making clear what I intend in the conversation, I make an invitation to consent, that is, invite to do so, this increases the possibility of communicative success.
The other does not feel taken by surprise or interpret coercion, especially if I have a higher status, which can lead to subsequent avoidance and almost always be on guard with me.
When I ask for your consent, I tell you that I respect your time and space, I give you the opportunity to prepare if I am going to touch on a sensitive issue, and I give you the opportunity to say no, so the message would be as follows: I want to give you instructions For the report of the month, can you spare me half an hour?
Not only must the intention of the message be clarified but also the rest of what is transmitted, hence the clear, complete and simple language expression continues to be important. Technical words are important because they express professionalism and at certain moments, mastery of the subject, but they should be used only in the right measure, their excessive use can lead to a totally abstract conversation.
When I express myself well I avoid that the space of what I did not say, is filled with what seems to the other that I wanted to say.
It implies a saving of time in the long and medium term, since it is clear what we mean, I avoid further conflicts and misunderstandings that can cost time and effort to resolve. The clear and complete expression does not mean that it is loaded with details and that we never finish talking; It does not mean that with certain people and at certain times the omissions of language do not work, for example, the receptionist who coordinates appointments with a doctor, a dentist or a manager… can say: it was the two of them to really say, the A person summoned for two in the afternoon is already waiting for you.
In this example, omissions are not a problem, but we insist that in serious situations of change, of high emotional charge, it can be defining that the experience transmitted is understood as faithfully as possible.
For clear and complete expression the use of a language in the first person is recommended, that is, the self and the elimination of generalizations: always you, nobody here, never you, everyone.
A resource highly recommended by communicators is that of dimensions:
I- the fact
It refers to talking about what I can directly see, hear. You have to describe the specific action and be specific in the other questions: place, moment, frequency.
There is talk of describing, excluding all kinds of diagnosis and the use of words that judge actions such as vile, flattering, neurotic, disgusting, irresponsible
Example:
There are big differences when saying "when you change the roles of my bureau" to "when I see that the roles are not where I left them, you screw me up the whole day and ruin my life with your disrespectfulness"
II- the feeling
For this dimension it is recommended to use very specific descriptors of emotions: I feel… sad, upset, irritated, resentful, happy, depressed instead of the very general ones, as a result I feel bad.
Descriptors that judge the action of the other must be avoided: I felt… ignored, manipulated, mistreated, used, dominated, rejected.
I feel totally ignored by you, I probably mean, I feel upset / sad because I want you to pay more attention to me when I speak to you.
III- the interpretation.
The interpretations and desires that I have and that validate my emotions (expressed in II).
I feel upset because I imagine that you reject me, that you are avoiding resolving this situation, that you do not prioritize our relationship, because I remember that before you spent more time in dialogue and debate with me (instead of you said, you did, you did not do…).
IV- what I want and the future action to take.
Request the specific action you want, not ask for an emotion (I want you to bother, to scream at that).
That the requested action is requested with concrete action verbs (tell me, listen, sit down, dedicate, come, instead of general questions such as consideration, understanding, support, help, respect).
Say it in positive terms (I want you to arrive at 8:00 instead of not being late)
If necessary, it is necessary to clarify details of what is wanted, which must be offered precisely: where, when, how.
Future action focuses on the positive action of fulfilling what is asked. (That will allow, then, that the working relationship improves, that it is fulfilled early…)
The translation of complaints into specific requests.
Criticism is an element that puts us on the defensive, leads us to counterattack, to respond with criticism too, to turn the conversation into a spiral of accusations and this usually happens regardless of the veracity it has.
If in our business life (in other areas of life the same happens) the achievement of objectives is through and with others, it is convenient to have them as partners in solving problems rather than as adversaries.
Criticism can lead us down this good path if, instead of attacking the person, criticizing their identity, damaging their self-esteem, we manage to take them to a specific action that, when carried out, becomes the solution to the problem.
To criticize personal traits is to criticize fixed characteristics, which are supposed to be stable, not invariable, therefore it makes no sense to constantly say how slow you are, always so contemptuous, etc.
Criticizing in the form of specific requests implies the desired action, it would be for example "from tomorrow I need the forms to be filled before 12 noon" which is undoubtedly much more productive than arriving saying "you always finish the forms late with how slow you are ”.
In some cases, I can add an explanation to the specific request or request (especially with people or situations that deserve it), which increases the effectiveness of this resource much more.
This happens because the requests are linguistically ambiguous, this means that it may not necessarily be clear that it is a request and they may seem like orders.
The explanation has value in the sense that the other feels treated as an equal since, from the status of boss, messages are often valued, as he said when speaking of barriers, from that status more than by their own content.
With the explanation, we ask you to fulfill a goal, with a group objective, of the organization not with a personal whim, with an order.
Useful and creative questions.
Reference is made to the questions in the communication as we are rarely aware of the quality of the questions and the type of questions we ask, however they decide the type of response that the interlocutor can give us.
They focus the conversation towards certain aspects and guide the interaction.
Certain questions like why did you do that? they do not report any usefulness and it is that not all the questions have the same value.
The range of questions can range from very narrow questions, which only allow the answer of yes or no, widely used in situations under pressure (that put the other in a decisive dilemma) to those that are so broad they become out of focus and excessively general. For example, how was everything, well and what is everything.
It is important to adapt the questions to the objective of the communication, to know if you finished a report, the question prevails: did you finish the report? Or if the person is silent, very valuable can be: what now? Or what then? These are short but allow me to access information.
In conflict situations, in those where I need information for decision making, to look for alternatives, to solve problems, when I want a richer and more satisfactory conversation to develop, open questions are more useful, that is, those that are among the two pointed ends.
And we should not confuse this with a bombardment of questions that invade the privacy of the other because they lose their value immediately.
Effective questions can be:
- How can we work together to… What can I do to resolve the situation of… What can be learned from this experience… Could you help me illustrate… Led to a logical conclusion, what do you hope to gain…? When will you have ready… Who else participates in the discussion…?
Instead of:
- Are you going to keep dragging the problem of:::? Why do I always play the role of an imbecile…? Are you not going to teach me…? Do you think you win something…? Are you ready…? Will everyone be…?
Reinforcement of words with actions
This point refers to the coherence of all the elements that make up a message. Being consistent means being one, being in one piece; that our body language, our tone of voice and our words convey the same message.
Congruence between the spoken (denotative, verbal) and the unspoken (metacommunicative, extraverbal) message is necessary.
The first only communicates in 12%, to communicate the rest of the information are in charge of the way of dressing, the posture, the facial expression, the gestures, the actions and the tone and clarity of the voice. It is these elements that give strength and meaning to words.
Counter-messages, referring to doing what I'm saying not to do. Do not scream shouting, that you listen to me without stopping to speak for a long time, sit down to speak in peace walking throughout the office, they can also disqualify the message.
Using multiple channels.
Contemporary linguists and engineers have come together to create what is known as NLP or neurolinguistic programming, which consists of creating models for people to communicate better, based on the brain structure.
By communicating with our interlocutor, the process will be more effective if I can tune into your basic communication channel. If we address several people at the same time in a meeting, in a class or a conference, we must use several channels so that the information reaches everyone equally.
All human beings have the same 5 senses (touch, sight, hearing, smell, taste) and the same neurological basis, that is, the same structure in our brains but we are not passive receivers of reality, that is, we do not function as a camera shooting universal photos of what we see but each of us has his own map (perspective) of reality and we respond to it, this means that we can be looking at the same thing and having different impressions and different opinions.
These individual differences are based on the guiding representation system: visual-auditory-kinesthetic (touch, taste, smell). In each of us, one of the senses prevails to perceive the world.
It is our guide system that guides learning, how we relate to others and understanding in communication.
The people whose guide channel or representation system (main, since the others are not excluded) is visual.
- The message reaches them better if we use graphics, colors, figures, diagrams. Images of things and situations are formed very quickly.The gaze is directed upwards or as to infinity, in the search for the image.Even in this search, the neck can be contracted or the forehead wrinkled.They tend to maintain the posture upright. They like to observe everything in order, in its place, clean, the personal aspect of others, they like gifts. The look, for them, is an indispensable element in the expression of feelings. Their language is fast because the images they form very quickly. They use words (called in this case predicates) frequently such as: Look, focus, see, contemplate, notice, illustrate, perspective, point of view…
If the ear canal predominates:
- They perceive better through talks, classes, music, recorded tapes. The gaze is directed to the sides. There may be a rocking of the head, the head resting on the hand as if they were talking on the phone or making a lip movement as if they were talking They like to hear declarations of affection, positive expressions, talk, argue and are very reluctant to forgive a bad word, they are bothered by noise, they modulate the tone of voice to express how they feel, they are usually melodic when speaking. Used: say, comment, discuss, was speechless, silence, listen, harmony, deaf, sound…
If the kinesthetic channel predominates, the sensations:
- They need a lot of experimentation, experience, rehearsal, practice.The look goes down, looking for sensations, which certainly take a long time in relation to the images so a kinesthetic can despair a visual.They like contact physical, closeness, being at ease, comfort. The posture is uneven. Their speech is usually soft, slow, it is as if they were in ecstasy. Predicates: Touch, warm, cold, smooth, soft, rough, heavy, solid, hold, hold on, heated, move, bitter, taste, smell, stink…
Conclusions
Communicating is a challenge and much more if we want to communicate effectively.
It is a challenge from which we cannot flee, as it has been demonstrated that good communication is irreplaceable, it helps us clarify details and avoid misunderstandings, it saves us in conflict situations, it makes it easier for us to have feedback from those around us, better coordinating the function with others and avoid damaging our closest relationships that are an important source of satisfaction and enrichment.
Let us therefore take care of those around us and what surrounds us, to save us the time we would spend to repair them, which would not always be possible.
Bibliography
- Calviño M. (2004), “Acts of communication: from commitment and hope”, Ediciones Logos Cuban Association of Social Communicators. Gordillo H. (2004), “Evaluation of labor competences” extracted from www.gestiopolis.com in January 2005. Iruarrizaga I., Gómez-Segura J., Criado T., Zuaso M. Y Sastre E. (2002), “Reduction of anxiety through training in social skills” in Electronic Journal of Motivation and Emotion, Vol 2. No.2.Picard CA ((2002), “Mediation in interpersonal and small group conflicts”, Ediciones Watercolor Centro Félix Varela.Rivers D. (2004), “The seven challenges: a workbook and reader about communicating more cooperatively ”, Electronic version. Watzlawick (1993),“ Theory of human communication ”, Editora Herder.
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Communication expert Natalia Gómez del Pozuelo, presents below the basic ingredients for effective communication. (3 videos, 16 minutes)
