"It takes courage to stop and talk. But much more to sit and listen ». Winston Churchill.
Introduction
Communication is described as an interactive function between people, which involves knowing how to listen. To talk is to understand with your head what the other person is saying to me, but the true communication is when you listen with your heart, currently values are being promoted from the individual perspective in such a way that it is reflected in the good results of an organization.
We can list some sectors where communication is essential, depending on the degree of application is how success is achieved.
The first great company where we must evaluate communication is the home, we live daily with the members of our family and we realize that we are different, in ages, tastes, ways of dressing, speaking, etc., which means that sometimes Specific topics such as money, political family, among others are avoided because instead of listening we make judgments generating conflicts.
In organizations the mission, vision and values are emphasizing its growth, generating motivation and enthusiasm in the workers, however knowing how to listen is not an easy task at the managerial level, but when you develop it it makes you an excellent communicator In the organization; In many specialized magazines in the business world, there are reports, interviews, tributes to various people who carry out or have held a managerial or managerial position, these are successful people who have put one of the most successful skills at the service of others, “knowing hear".
Knowing how to listen, then, is a skill that brings benefits to whoever transmits and who receives the message, certainly runs the risk of becoming vulnerable by transmitting thoughts or feelings, but it is well worth taking the risk when the objective is to improve interpersonal relationships.
Know how to listen
The development of this essay has a focus on the Toltec philosophy of the fifth agreement, however, for greater clarity we will briefly analyze other works that allow us to know more about knowing how to listen.
Empathetic listening
S. Covey in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (1) says:
Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
He outlines the Principles of Empathic Communication as follows: When you learn to listen deeply to other people, huge differences in perception are discovered. The effect that these differences can determine when people try to work together in situations of interdependence is also beginning to be appreciated.
"We have a tendency to rush, to fix things with good advice. But often we don't take the time to diagnose, to really begin to really understand the problem
This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication, communication skills are the most important in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating, we spend years learning to read and write, to learn to speak. And to listen? What training or education allows us to listen so that we truly and deeply understand another human being in terms of their own individual frame of reference? What S. Covey illustrates with the above is that: when a person speaks, we generally listen to him on one of the following four levels:
We may be ignoring it, not listening to it at all
We can pretend. "Yes. Right! ”
We can practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the conversation
Finally, we can listen carefully, paying attention and focusing all our energy on the words that are spoken. But, very few of us are at the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathetic listening, which this author indicates as "listening with the intention of understanding".
It also illustrates that "empathy is not sympathy"; Sympathy is a form of agreement or judgment, which sometimes we are more emotional For all of the above, I can conclude that listening is not exactly agreeing with what the other person transmits to us, what S. Covey confirms is that listening is to put our feelings at the service of the other person, because we are often thinking that what happens to others we have also gone through and end up doing advice that does not correspond to reality
Alexis Codina Jiménez in her book; Knowing how to listen, a valuable intangible (2) indicates that there are problems in the practice of listening that we have to overcome, these being:
Do not interrupt the interlocutor
Pay more attention when they speak to us
Focusing more on what they tell us, listening to words and gestures Being listened to satisfies us, we must be consistent with this and be more willing to listen to others
Paraphrase what the other says (repeat, summarize) to verify that we have understood
Avoid barriers, don't make prior assumptions
Avoid having a "blank mind" when they speak to us
Not identifying the action of listening as an attitude of submission
Demonstrate to the other that we pay attention to him, that we are interested in what he says, even if we do not coincide
Look at the speaker
Among the main reasons why most of us do not listen carefully to others are: fear of being influenced by them, thinking that we are the possessors of the truth, that the other is wrong, feeling that when one speaks it can exercise more influence that when you listen.
However, in a very interesting investigation on how successful negotiators act, among the behaviors that they assume in a negotiation is that "… they listen much more than the average negotiators…". For this reason, a specialist affirms "… who controls a conversation is not the one who speaks the most but the one who listens the best…".
The reality is that when we are listened to authentically we have a tendency to express more things, and with greater depth and richness of detail, than if we listen superficially. This is the opportunity that successful negotiators seize. When the interlocutor perceives that we are listening to him with interest, our influence is greater.
The analysis that this author writes, in my opinion, refers to the fact that sometimes we manipulate the conversation and become advisers, victims or judges, when we assume this role, we want to demonstrate superiority, that we are being affected by the decisions of others or simply We judge from our experience or personal life.
Now in the book of the Fifth Agreement, it is precisely the fifth agreement that gives life to this essay.
The Bible or also called sacred scriptures begin with one of the important books called Genesis, which narrates the beginning, creation.
The fifth agreement in the same way begins with a chapter called at the beginning.
What is the principle of us?
When we are born, at this stage you know what you like and what you don't like, you follow your instincts to be happy, to enjoy life, to love, to satisfy needs.
We grow, our bodies begin to develop, we find meaning in many things, we engage in a world of beliefs and all these opinions modify our environment and in our minds we form an image of ourselves that people say we are.
Be skeptical, but learn to listen
When you learn to listen, you are respectful of others and you know exactly what others want.
Most of the things you hear are not true, most of the things we talk about are done with symbols.
If faith means believing without doubting and doubting is not believing, when I say be skeptical, I am telling you do not believe.
If your beliefs are telling you, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm old, I'm a loser, I'm not good enough mind, don't believe it.
If you don't learn to listen, you will never understand what I am sharing with you right now. You will jump to a conclusion and react as if it were your dream when it is not.
Therefore, perhaps what I say is the truth or it is not, but perhaps what you believe is not the truth.
I am only half the message; you are the other half. I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you understand. You are responsible for what you understand; you are responsible for whatever you do with what you hear in your head, because you are the one who gives meaning to every word you hear.
Be skeptical, but learn to listen and then choose. Be responsible for all the choices you make in your life. This is your Life; it is not anyone else's life and you will discover that what you do with your life is not anyone else's business.
We are victims of all the symbols we create, we are victims of all the voices in our heads, we are victims of all the superstitions and distortions of our knowledge.
Once you accept yourself exactly as you are, you stop making judgments about yourself. Once you accept everyone else exactly as they are, you stop making judgments about them. Then, something incredible happens in your world: find peace.
I will never be the one to write your story, just as I will never allow anyone to write mine. I respect your mind, your dream, your creation. I respect whatever you believe in.
This book leaves me, like the four agreements, the best of the teachings, the Toltecs, a great Mexican culture, make us think that since other times the study and analysis of emotions and feelings already existed and that with the passage of time, the situations that we live daily have been losing, we stop being interested in the other, and one of the factors that made us lose that hegemony comes from technological advancement, certainly nowadays we can communicate instantly, but we do not give direction to our life Because our communication became dry, empty, unsuccessful and lonely.
As I read the book I also reflect on the phrase "the benefit of the doubt."
And this has to do with our beliefs, that we should not take for granted everything that we see or hear around us, because all human beings have different personalities and different capacity for interpretation, however that does not mean that not believing everything what we are told or seen, we do not have to listen, the difference is in the capacity of interpretation that we give to what we hear
This book is an invitation to return to our first days of life, where everything is new, to be ourselves, without conflicts, to live with acceptance of who we are, not to judge others, not to victimize ourselves to respect ourselves and respect the others, without fear, without guilt, without regrets, but will it be possible? Of course, it is possible, we are the creators of our own destiny, the balance between the emotional, spiritual and physical depends on ourselves.
conclusion
Talking does not necessarily mean that we are communicating, in open communication barriers of our human nature can arise, the art of communication for me is an art that must be practiced with the mind and the heart, by actively listening, you must also take into account body language, see beyond words and understand the feelings of the other person. The difference between hearing and listening is a great chasm, listening as S. Covey says is to understand, to listen carefully to what the other person expressed and not only what we hear, this can be exemplified very simply, when in a couple relationship the husband puts the newspaper aside to pay attention to his wife, or when the boss stops doing what he is doing to pay attention to his assistants,which brings a lot of confidence and emotional growth because there is open and sincere communication. Therefore for me communication requires when speaking and listening, leaving distractions aside, if it is necessary to ask for clarification, not getting off topic, taking into account feelings.
However, there are currently various enemies of listening, which cause communication to be interrupted:
Technology.- In communication, technological tools are effective for sharing data, it can even be used to arrange a conversation, but it should not be used to sustain the conversation. Professional training.- since it is very common that certain people do not share their emotions.
Family history.- relationships with other people, the way they have been educated, the environment in which we grew up, our traditions, etc. Gender.- Being a man or a woman can also be a barrier and we see it in daily sharing, at the family, educational or work level, as examples we can see that: men tend to share data and we always want results, while women are guided by their feelings.
Finally, I want to make it clear that the teachings that we receive every day from everything around us, strengthens our communication and allows us to grow, as people, as a couple, as a work or professional partner.
Bibliography
- Covey, S. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Editorial Paidós, Buenos Aires, 1998. Alexis Codina Jiménez, Knowing how to listen. A valuable intangible Alexis Codina Jiménez, October 2004. Miguel Ruiz, Jose Ruiz, Janet Mills, The Fifth Agreement, Editorial Urano, Spain; 2011.
