Most of us have poorly digested some achievement, and of course many of us devote a significant part of our attention to cultivating the ego; but in some cases, this consumption of attention seems really excessive and our professional performance suffers. For those who, after some initial successes, go to the extreme of outlining a narcissistic personality, what comes next are usually successive missteps. In the environment of the narcissist there are people whom he manages to deceive, but there are also others who perceive him almost as he is, and even feel some shame from others. Sometimes it is accompanied by some degree of corruption, but narcissism is to be seen as a personality disorder, as a gross and unseemly excess of self-esteem.
It is curious that it is precisely the attention to the ego that deactivates the sense of ridicule, although not everyone perceives them impeccably absurd or extravagant, nor - obviously this - all of us who make a fool of ourselves are narcissistic. The narcissist is a person who is highly overestimated, and needs to be admired by others, whom he considers inferior and despises. He fantasizes about his past and even future achievements and merits, shows a lack of empathy, manifests himself arrogantly and does not tolerate criticism; the worship of himself also leads him to take extreme care of his appearance and clothing. With your false self-image, you can see how dangerous a narcissist can be in managerial positions. He comes to consider that his subordinates are at his service instead of that of the company,and their own interest prevails over legitimacy. He thinks that the rules are not for him and he skips them without guilt. Although many are stretched out, arrogant or conceited, narcissism certainly seems somewhat more serious, especially for those who administer power.
I have read that this is the disease of our time in the business world, and it certainly seems like a disease, because, with sound judgment, a possible narcissist could think almost the same of himself, without being so evident. I think it is worth taking a few minutes to reflect on this disturbance of personality, in prevention of it or, where appropriate, pursuing a possible, albeit difficult, awareness. But we can also reflect together on how to live with a narcissistic manager, because, in that case and depending on how we react, we can do well or we can take serious risks. I would say that I am surprised that organizations do not prevent themselves more against these disorders, but it is the reader who reaches their conclusions.
Almost all of us may have gone through some stage of exaggerated self-esteem - I admit it - but in maturity we should already be cured and know ourselves better. The subject has interested me for a long time. As a child, there was a family-friendly businessman, who was always the center of attention wherever he was; everyone considered him a special person, and he really liked to be heard. Now I identify it as something narcissistic, but then it seemed like a reference to consider: it ended badly, by the way. Then, already in my professional career as a teacher and consultant, I have suffered - and I have suffered - more than ten different bosses, one - only one - of whom seemed to me narcissistic, in degree of disorder. I am not encouraged to evaluate my bosses, considering also that I myself should not have been the ideal collaborator;But I think I can recognize a narcissistic manager, distinguishing him from those who appear to be but are not, and from those who simply threaten to be. Regardless, it's safer to go to the experts, and we do so below.
Read in an interesting book (Mobbing) by Iñaki Piñuel that I reread from time to time, DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) points out behaviors characteristic of the narcissistic personality. It would already be possible to speak of such, if half of the following were given:
- The subject has a great idea of his own importance. He is absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success and power. He considers himself special and unique, and can only be understood by other special people. He has an excessive need to be admired. He has a sense of " category ”, with unreasonable expectations of a particularly favorable treatment. He exploits others and takes advantage of them to achieve his ends. He lacks empathy. Envy, passive or active, resides in his conscience. He appears arrogant and arrogant.
Perhaps we can all put a face to these traits because they are seen on TV: they do not occur only in the company. But Piñuel himself, in a chapter of his book on psychological harassment, transports us to the environment of organizations, to identify more specific characteristics of narcissism. The author places the narcissist, among other profiles, as a possible stalker or harasser, and that is why he dedicates several pages to it. Among the characteristics of this disorder in the company, he points out:
- Thoughts or statements of professional self-worth. Stories of great achievements in the past. Hypersensitivity to the evaluation of others. Use of others as a mirror or audience. Violation of the organization's ethical codes. Feeling of imperative and even infallibility. Monopolization of the merit of others or collectives. Self-attribution of great strategic vision. Avoidance of other people standing out. Propagation of mediocrity, to shine without obstacles. Belief that the rules are not for them. Attention to the hierarchical level in their relationship with others. I despise colleagues and subordinates, phobia of failure.
It is already being seen how pernicious the disturbance that we describe can be.
Probably, the damage they can do to their organizations is proportional to their power, and we cannot be surprised that a narcissistic chief executive ends up leading his company to failure. To an observer, not a few executives from large companies may seem distant, cold, stretched and self-centered - as they tend to like mass liturgical acts, one can observe them well - but that does not always make them narcissistic. In my own experience, I was struck by the fact that someone whom I thought was such, always answered very abstractly to the questions we asked him in large meetings, and that, when we asked him for specificity, he would go into details. tiny I now know that this also appears to be a symptom of the disorder.
The reader might come to another conclusion, but it seems to me that narcissism may have its origin in a poor digestion of early success, and be favored by an exaggerated recognition of the environment. If, still immature, the individual continues to reap good results, it may or may not accentuate the profile; But when, as it seems normal, some setback comes, it may already be too late and the conscience of the individual cannot accept it: there, in his case, the narcissistic personality that we describe could be consolidated, perhaps as a defense against adverse reality. I may be oversimplifying and even speculating, but the reader can thus contrast his way of seeing it with that of a self-taught observer who did not study Psychology at the university, but Electronics.
Why is a narcissistic manager dangerous?
For what it does or does not do, rather than for what it is. It is possible to think that it would not matter much that a manager was narcissistic if he were also effective, that is, if he achieved the expected results; but it is that narcissism reduces effectiveness in the short and long term, and erodes the quality of life in the company. So we are facing a dangerous disorder that affects the desirable tandem of performance and professional satisfaction; We are facing a disorder that seems to announce disasters. It could be said, improvising, that the most dangerous thing about a narcissistic manager is that:
- His vision of reality is too altered. He keeps an important part of his attention uselessly occupied. It is not easy to establish authentic communication with him. He ignores the rules of all kinds, including ethics. He is not aware of his mistakes, he does not rectify and does not learn.
The help of empathy, genuine intuition, and other resources are lost. He is unable to achieve positive emotional activation of his collaborators. He prioritizes his personal interests. He ignores them, and hurts the dignity of colleagues and subordinates. He scares clients, except in collusion or complicity. He is not criticized or advised. He is incapable of setting realistic goals. It generates negative emotions in its environment. It usually flees forward. It fosters or ensures mediocrity around it. It constitutes a contagious reference for the immature. It practices psychological punishments to subordinates. It is often difficult to withdraw the power it administers.
Perhaps the reader can add other details, but all of the above, if we agree, hinders the prosperity of the organization and rarefies its climate. Regardless of the possible added corruption –negligent or greedy– of diverse magnitude, if we reflect on the previous list, one, without being able to avoid it, continues to wonder why the organizations are not rid of these peculiar managers; Perhaps because the organization's own culture generates them as a side effect? On the other hand, the climate of militant mediocrity that the narcissist usually generates as self-protection deserves comment: someone who presented brilliant or innovative ideas could be immobilized by the dogs in the manger. The narcissist cannot tolerate more brightness than what he makes shine; you cannot celebrate successes that are not yours;he has to be the best, even when he plays tennis or mus. In short, he needs a more mediocre environment than him.
I would also highlight the absence of self-criticism and the breakdown of the community spirit; but everything, in general, invites bad omens. Additionally, in his desire for notoriety, this manager can use his position to join clubs, associations and other initiatives that nurture his hungry ego. (Naturally, it is necessary to specify, although it is not necessary, that the fact of participating in various initiatives does not imply narcissism; in agreement: it went without saying). The echo that the narcissist finds in these forums may be more linked to his material contribution than to the intellectual one, because he immediately makes himself known, and not only gives himself away, but can also discredit the company he represents. It should be stressed that we are dealing with disturbed behavior that occurs to different degrees,but the fact is that its symptoms include falsehood, arrogance, reckless judgment and boasting, all highly visible and suspicious.
How to live with a narcissistic boss?
As before an inept or corrupt boss, before a narcissist, and depending on the degree and circumstances, it is possible to leave, stay until shortly before the ship sinks, or sink with it; But it should not be ruled out that the company has managed to place itself in favorable waters and winds, and continue its trajectory acceptably. Thinking that we have to live with a boss who is a narcissistic butt, what can we do? Is there really something to do? Of course, the narcissist generates emotions in his witnesses. If, however professional you are, you don't have the right stomach, it seems natural that you react in some way, not always the right way. As I have done very badly when I have seen such a boss, I think I can point out some things that could be more valid.
Before doing so, and although the reader may wonder who was most touched, let me remember some things I did, not knowing what to do. It's been a long time since this, but I did indeed have a boss who seemed to fit the profile we studied. I remember that when he approached my work area, and even if he didn't address me, I would stand up; I noticed that he turned his head as he left, to check if his departure also coincided with my sitting down again. With the same intention, when he called me to his office, I would take my jacket from the back of the chair, hurry to his office, stand at the door and, before his eyes, hurriedly put on my jacket before entering; sometimes I even put on the knot in my tie. He never told me to stop fooling around. I still believe he didn't realize I was kidding him,but I confess my irreverence while remembering it with a certain smile.
Well then, around the narcissist there are those who choose to join the court of flatterers and pleasers, waiting for counterparts. The politically correct can also be recognized, who consider that they must be loyal to the boss, whatever he is and whatever he does.
Those who face the situation may also appear, either for legitimate or spurious purposes.
If you reject the behavior of the narcissist but, while a suitable alternative appears, you choose to survive in that environment as worthily as possible, while retaining some of your initiative and moral independence, I now submit my suggestions:
- Avoid making criticisms or limit them thoroughly and formally. Be on the lookout for possible cheating jobs that are assigned to you. Prevent yourself from unwarranted accusations or accusations. Do your work, if you like, with some autotelia.), from time to time. Grow supports around you. Reward the inner accolades you get. Practice lifelong learning. Don't brag about your knowledge but don't hide it either. Disguise your emotional estrangement from the boss and your cut. Make little noise, But keep earning professional respect. Without fighting, prevent them from appropriating your merits.
Basically, it's about preventing animosities and also preparing defenses if they come. Nothing really new, and besides, you already know that the tips are there to be skipped, and that, well thought, what works is intuition. If it works well for you (intuition and everything else), you may be safe. But you see: You, a person of a certain integrity, are going to have to dedicate a part of that limited resource, which is attention, to prevent and combat the malicious intention of a narcissistic boss before an unsubdued collaborator. Now I am going to offer you a brief examination of conscience in case you want to make sure you are not narcissistic yourself.
Are you narcissistic?
I ask you because, if it were, you probably wouldn't be aware of it. If you have read this article relaxed, without inner concern, surely you are not; But if you have been feeling somewhat uncomfortable reading, then begin to suspect yourself. My intention was to disturb potential narcissists, for their own benefit and because of my recognized irreverence. If so, look for reliable feedback and reflect; and if you prefer, fill in the following short questionnaire and then consult the oracle. I have made it inspired by the beliefs of the narcissist, as formulated by Iñaki Piñuel in the important book to which I have referred.
You know: this is for narcissism suspects. Give yourself 0 to 4 points, to the extent that each of the following proposals identifies you:
1. My collaborators are at my service.
2. I am not bound by the rules.
3. I am essential.
4. I gather extraordinary merits.
5. I have great vision for the future.
6. I am not mistaken.
7. Everyone owes me everything.
8. I can expect great things from myself.
9. I am extraordinarily intelligent.
10. I am the object of great envy.
You have had to score zero points or just a few, and therefore you are far from being narcissistic; but if, answering with all the sincerity of which you are capable, you had obtained more than 20 points, I would also suspect you. And if I had obtained more than 30, you would already need urgent treatment, and should, perhaps, seek help. You can start with a good coach, without ruling out the psychoanalyst.
Finished
Despite everything, I want to insist that, if you attend to the quality of life at work, perhaps a narcissistic boss is not the worst thing that can happen to you, if you don't have it. too close: a faint-hearted, Machiavellian, stalker, obstructionist, neurotic, cynical boss could be worse… And we must remember - we had not forgotten - that there are effective, authentic bosses, highly esteemed by their collaborators, who create climates around them or microclimates of confidence, high performance and high professional satisfaction: during my 30 years in a large company with a bright past, I met some, and I concluded that, working the same, one can be happy or not, depending on the boss who I touched him. Naturally, the bosses could say something similar about their subordinates, but I think that, in their case, they suffer more from those than those from them.The theme is for more, but I did not want to get too heavy. Thank you to those who have made it this far.
