It will have happened to him that he addresses a lady stating "ma'am" and she immediately makes the inelegant, emphatic and hackneyed amendment "miss." These frequent bombastic reactions can be confusing and even create guilt. Next, I want to offer my contributions and reflections.
By tradition and in accordance with the provisions of the Royal Spanish Academy (RAE), "miss" is said to the single woman and "lady" to the married or older woman. However, this provision has fallen into disuse. The progressive incorporation of women into the business world means using “madam”, since otherwise it would be equivalent to putting considerations of their private life first and would go against the equality of the sexes.
He will probably say “miss” to the young woman, but you run the risk of making her uncomfortable if, despite her youth, she has a husband. Also, a similar situation could occur with a woman in her thirties who is called "madam" and is still single. At both junctures it will cause possible discomfort. Feminists assume an indiscretion to find out marital status and therefore argue that only “ma'am” should be mentioned. “The day there is a double option for men, we will accept a double option for women. We do not have to disclose our marital status ”. I share this pertinent comment.
In the midst of this tangle, I allow myself to ask a question. If the word "lady" is for married women and "miss" for single women. How do we tell single, divorced or separated mothers? It can generate a real confusion: in the work task, to avoid setbacks, say "ma'am", you do not have to know your civil situation. If it simulates some clarification, it shows little professionalism and will be announcing "I am available". Keep in mind that business protocol avoids differences of sex, age or marital status, but rather hierarchy.
I recommend that the ladies avoid insisting on clarifying their civil status; there will always be an opportune moment to do it, with prudence and discretion, through a conversation, etc. Avoid unseemly answers as it happens in our environment. Countless women have obsessions and traumas about the denomination assigned by others. For their part, the gentlemen obvien inquire: Madam or miss?
Asimismo, puede mencionar “señora doctora” como gesto de cortesía. Aunque pocos valoran ser llamados de esta forma. Cuando expreso mi deferencia nombro, por ejemplo: “señor doctor”. Este término significa respeto y honorabilidad. En nuestro entorno se adopta cuando la persona carece de título profesional, olvidando su real alcance. Por desgracia, el encaprichado apego a la calificación académica está conectado con el escaso valor asignado al concepto “señor”.
The sentences «gift», comes from the Latin domĭnus (owner or lord), gave rise to the word "owner" and "doña", comes from domina (lady), originated "owner". Both are used preceding the name. In Spain and in its former colonies it was arranged to separate the commoner from the nobleman or the Creole from the normal of the inhabitants. Much later it was generalized to hidalgos and their descendants. The prefix "gift" and "doña" do not indicate a title, but a deferential treatment.
When referring to "gift" or "doña" refer name and / or first and last name. While referring to "sir" or "lady" must be accompanied by the full name and / or surname. It is frequent and wrong to say "Mr. Javier" or "Mrs. Maria", as it happens in the institutional and friendly spheres. If you have proximity and there is mutual acceptance, it is valid to call by name directly, despite keeping the "you". An example: "Good morning Amalia, how are you?"
A comment in parentheses: the tuteo should start from a reciprocal acceptance. In the social sphere, the lady exercises the prerogative to determine her practice; in the work context, it is preferable to attribute it when there is the same hierarchy, age and affinity, using common sense. Its application is increasingly recidivist. Keep in mind, at all times and places, the intelligent and current statement: "Prudence stops, where ignorance enters."
In human relationships, avoid invasive discomforts aimed at damaging the initiated link and causing a wrong personal image. Good sense and even proposing the equitable tuteo, will be the most advisable. This must flow as a result of the existing approach and disposition. Not all men and women have the same level of accessibility. Do not feed misinterpretations.
It is important to resort to treatments depending on the scenarios; this way we will demonstrate assertiveness and tact. There is still the wrong perception that they establish or accentuate deferences. Let us agree to ensure its validity according to the degree, the culture, the circumstance and, especially, inspired by the purpose of forging harmonious and friendly bonds of coexistence.
Urbanity, tolerance, kindness and empathy are core and unequivocal pillars in the establishment and consolidation of our bond with others. Let us act with coherence, solvency and spontaneity. Remember the well-known and past phrase: "Wherever you go, do what you see."
