Despite his desire to be harmonious, his historical inner and spiritual search, and his altruistic capacities, the human being has been, is and probably will be a conflictive being.
Processes such as birth, upbringing and socialization are colored by experiences that are tense for us and confront us with people and situations that we very frequently point out as undesirable
Some 2,500 years ago, Buddhists said that selfishness was the cause of all human conflict.
In the play, "A Course in Miracles" it is stated that the center of the conflict between people is "the need to be special", preferred, better or superior to the rest.
For Osho, calamity is born when we stubbornly try to reaffirm our ego, which for this philosopher is nothing more than "a set of false beliefs about who we are."
Freud, the great researcher of psychology, gave sex the priority in the origin of human conflict.
Alfred Adler saw it in the need for power, recognition and importance, while some biologists and geneticists establish a birth biological configuration as the genesis of the conflict, which stains us with uncontrollable animality. Marx, the great social philosopher, put in society and in the relations of production, the seeds of conflict.
Whatever the cause, the truth is that it is enough to take a look at the reality of the behavior of individuals and groups, to verify a constant need to be right; a tendency to control others and dominate nature. In short, to impose coercively on whoever interferes with personal desire.
Following the definition of Stephen Robbins we will say that conflict is the perception of incompatible difference that can exist between people or groups, and that tends to generate interference or opposition as a response.
Despite the fact that intrapersonal conflict (conflict within an individual) is frequent, we refer here as a priority to the tensions that occur between two or more people.
Although it is curious or contradictory, the conflict is not necessarily negative. It can be stated that a certain controllable or tolerable level of conflict can generate positive consequences, such as: stimulating a state of alertness, promoting creativity, enriching decision-making, favoring self-criticism, opening the floodgates to the expression of differences, and making it possible mutual knowledge of certain aspects of the personalities with which they relate.
The same exercise that tires the muscle also builds it.
In general, when two ideas collide and the possibilities for negotiation or conciliation are reduced, we approach a conflict situation.
We can experience conflict when we want two pleasant things at the same time (attraction conflicts), when we must choose between two options that bother us (avoidance-avoidance conflicts), or when I want something that imposes pain or suffering on me to achieve it (attraction conflicts) -avoidance).
One can also speak of conflicts of desires, interests, needs, values, beliefs. In addition, depending on the areas in which it occurs, we usually refer to economic, political, social, cultural, legal, armed conflicts, etc.
Some of the psychological agents that favor the appearance and maintenance of the conflict are: dependence, subjectivity, misinformation, lack of communication, dissatisfaction, incompatibility, stress and envy, among others.
Some useful suggestions for a positive approach to conflict situations are:
- Accept that conflict is normal and common in human life. Advise only when asked for advice. Present your ideas without imposing them. Respect everyone in word and deed. Acknowledge your mistakes and wish necessary apologize, because you will not always be right. Empathize, put yourself in the place of others. Reduce the tendency to judge the behavior or preferences of your peers. See the positive. Compliment more and criticize less, look for points of agreement. Suggest and propose instead of ordering or commanding. Accept that your interpretations of the facts are neither unique, nor "the truth." Refrain from making practical jokes. Do not intrude on the privacy of others. Learn effective communication techniques to listen and speak properly. Avoid unnecessary arguments and confrontations.Accept people and change yourself instead of wanting to change them.
These recommendations will help you to achieve better relationships and to live more joyfully, harmoniously and productively.
Remember that there is no happiness without peace, there is no peace without harmony, and there is no harmony without awareness.
If you have to defend yourself, let it be from real dangers, and not from enemies created from pride, the need for attention, or lightness of character.
It is valuable to think about what Norman Vincent Peale said: "Don't crash into obstacles, let them crash into you."
