For many people, these examples represent situations of anxiety, stress, for which there are no satisfactory answers. A basic response theory that is being taught with increasing frequency in the competitive world of business is Assertiveness.
This theory is based on the premise that any individual has certain basic rights and interests that must be respected. These include such fundamentals as: "the right to refuse requests without feeling guilty or selfish", "that my interests and needs are as important as the needs of other people", "the right to make mistakes", and so on.
More and more companies need to have balanced individuals, with personalities capable of acting firmly. A salesperson, a finance manager, a buyer or head of public relations have a common denominator: they are impacting the bottom line of the business.
The expression through which one establishes one's rights and interests without violating the rights and interests of others is called assertiveness.
The first type of response we observe is the assertive one that recognizes and establishes the limits between individual rights and those of others.
It operates to maintain these limits.
The second alternative response, the non-assertive one, represents the inability to adequately maintain the limits between the rights and interests of one person and those of another. Non-assertiveness occurs when you restrict your own limits.
The third style of response, aggressive, occurs when one person invades the limits of the individual rights of the other without caring about their interests.
Some key data that will help to recognize a non-assertive, assertive and aggressive response in any situation are: the type of emotion experienced, the non-verbal behavior shown and the verbal language used.
Let's see how it manifests:
The non-assertive respondent tends to internalize feelings and tensions and to experience emotions such as fear, anxiety, guilt, depression, fatigue, or nervousness. Externally feelings are not expressed verbally.
In the aggressive response, the tension is externalized. Even though the person may have felt fear, guilt, or invaded at some point during the conversation, this feeling is masked by a "secondary" emotion such as rage or is held back to a boiling point.
In contrast to these two response styles, a person who responds assertively realizes and manages his own feelings as they appear, without denying his own right to feel and express this or that emotion or not expressing them if this denies him rights or it goes against the interests of the other.
The tension remains within a normal and constructive level. Each response style is also characterized by some non-verbal or body language cues. A non-assertive response implies self-exclusion and dependence: the person "withdraws" from the situation. This response may be accompanied by gestures such as lowering the gaze, the gesture of "avoiding the bulge", a hunched body, perspiration of the hands, or an indecisive or plaintive tone of voice.
The aggressive response is represented non-verbally as "moving against the situation"; it is a way of excluding the other. This response may be expressed through an accusing index, or by a high, arrogant tone of voice and a scornful giggle.
The assertive response, on the other hand, addresses the situation and demonstrates an approach through which one can maintain an independent or interdependent position. When the person acts assertively, she establishes good eye contact, stands comfortably and firmly "on both feet" with her hands limp at her sides, and speaks in a clear and sustained tone of voice.
A third way to differentiate assertiveness, non-assertiveness and aggression is to pay attention to the verbal language used. Certain words tend to be associated with each style. Non-assertive words can include qualifiers such as ("Maybe", "I think", "I wonder if you could", "It would bother you a lot", fillers ("Uh", "Good", "You know", "And", "This", "Eh") or denials ("It's not that important", "Don't worry") Aggressive words include threats ("It's better than", "Listen carefully to what I say," You have to because I say so "), put-downs (" Come on "…," You must be kidding me "), evaluative comments (" You must "," Bad ") and sexist or racist terms. Assertive words can include statements of" I "(«I think», «I feel», «I want»), words of collaboration («Let's see»,"How can we solve this") or emphatic displays of interest ("What do you think?", "What do you see?"). These emotional, non-verbal and verbal cues are aids in recognizing response styles, but should be viewed as general indicators and not as a tool to label behaviors.
Bosses expect certain behaviors from their employees, the employees of their bosses. The customers of your suppliers. Companies are the image given by the people who make them up. When someone treats someone badly, it is the company that treats them badly. Those are the so-called "moments of truth" for customers.
Both non-assertiveness and aggression are very similar to each other and differ greatly from assertiveness. Non-assertiveness and aggression are dysfunctional not only because they use indirect methods to express needs and feelings, failing to respect the rights or interests of others, but also because they create an imbalance of power where both positions can be exchanged. By refusing to uphold their own interests, the non-assertive respondent creates an imbalance of power by granting anyone else more rights than himself, while the person acting aggressively creates an imbalance of power by giving himself more than he is entitled to. corresponds.
This imbalance of power is unstable; the non-assertive may accumulate guilt, resentment, or fear until he becomes aggressive in an outburst of rage, or he may mask a subversive attitude with a non-assertive appearance in an attempt to surprise the other "from behind."
The assertive seeks a solution that balances power and allows everyone involved to maintain their own rights and respects their interests. Therefore, an imbalance of power, produced by the lack of respect for other people and carried out through the use of indirect methods, creates a very vulnerable position for both the non-assertive and the aggressive responders. While the one who does it with assertiveness respects others, uses direct methods and seeks a balance of power; so they will respect you and you will probably build a positive bond.
Acting assertively helps in situations where the person is anxious about how to defend their interests or those of the company they represent. These situations involve saying yes or no with conviction, accepting and receiving criticism, initiating conversations, resisting interruptions, receiving compliments, demanding fair treatment as a consumer, and handling many other specific situations in private, social and work life. Whoever acts assertively creates a solid win-win relationship for any lasting deal.
The main objective of assertiveness is to communicate fluently, adequately and powerfully with others, respecting the rights and interests of the parties involved.
Components of an assertive situation:
- Examine one's own interests and the extent to which oneself trusts that they should be respected Observe the other's specific behavior and determine their behavior style Control feelings in front of others so as not to engage in aggressive or non-assertive behaviors Putting oneself in the other's place and treating them assertively, even if he does not behave in the same way Feel self-esteem.
Assertiveness theory offers a model for companies to train their staff to develop these attitudes.
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As a complement, we suggest the following video in which Dr. Adolfo Sánchez teaches the basics of the assertiveness concept and some techniques to develop assertiveness skills.
