I have always been attracted to the theme of the "resolution" of organizational conflicts. Both of those that put the continuity of an organization at risk and that of those others that influence its performance, although by force of habit they were incorporated into the daily life, to stop being what they are and become part of the "personality" of the organization.
In my beginnings, in love with phrases read or heard, I have tried to "resolve" conflicts starting with the "what" or the "how" without taking into account "who" was involved in the question to be resolved. I became the "solver" of all that which was presented as conflictive.
Over time, and a host of experiences harvested, I have verified that the technique tends to "remain small", to the extent that the employer or leader is not considered as an active subject of the conflict to be resolved and that my participation is reduced to an attempt to that certain things can be solved. Without a doubt, a very healthy and relieving personal confrontation, with my own limits.
The armed phrases, far from providing solutions, end up becoming an intricate maze from which it is very difficult to get out. On more than one occasion, I have found myself in organizations that operated with a labyrinthine structure, which made it possible to "kick issues forward." By dint of imagination, decisions can almost always be delayed. From there, the famous: tomorrow I'll start…
Who has not delayed matters?
What is "tricky" about this is that the treatment of "the issues" is done from the outside, not from the very heart of the labyrinth. We relate our conflicts "as if" they were not ours, "as if" at any moment, the walls of the labyrinth in which we find ourselves were going to disappear and clear our vision. "As if" everything would be solved as if by magic. "As if" we were in control of the situation. Over time, we found that this was not "the case" and we ended up recognizing that it was all an illusion that operated "as if" were THE only reality.
In fact this is so. It is about our reality that for some reason, at a certain moment begins to bother us. Being attentive to this annoyance is the key to dismantling a potential chain of illusions.
Getting into the conflict is nothing more than "being subject" to it. Face the responsibility that falls to us for being, at least, part of it. Many times, we are even generators of conflict and other times, even the conflict itself.
We say by word of mouth that «we grow up in conflict, that we live in conflict, without registering (due to not wanting, not being able or not to realize it) that the phrases said have repercussions« inside »of each one of us and, obviously, in our organizations. We also get used to double messages, to the dichotomy between saying and doing. We forget that, as Serrat maintains, "in life everything is paid, in installments or in cash, but everything is paid." Today we are what we did yesterday and we are doing what we will be tomorrow.
According to my experience, work and personal, from the close to middle age (45 years) the leader or businessman "lives" the conflict in a different way. The warrior impetus no longer reaches us, "something" appears that complicates our actions. We begin to no longer bank certain things that "before" we bank. It is "as if," suddenly, the labyrinth drowns. Symptoms such as confusion, reluctance, bad mood, tiredness, discouragement, anxiety, anguish, anger, pain in the neck, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc… This is an unequivocal way of "finding out" that we need to get involved in conflicts and not "Put ourselves outside" of them.
We are born, grow up and live in a society that "pushes" us to be successful, competitive individuals, the best. They also motivate us (especially in the last decade) to play as a team. We all learn the decalogue of the successful leader and we are part of tribes with a large number of chiefs. Everything is fine if the team does what I say, otherwise I don't play anymore. We marginalize others and do not realize that we marginalize ourselves. We use the others as excuses.
We grew up in a society where the exercise of authority, to say the least, is regrettable. It is an authority in which there is no room for the other, in which there is no dissent, in which there is no support for what is created. A society in which "together even if we do not agree" is not valid. A society in which it is not common to add visions. We exclude others, and without them, we never get to create our own. Without ours, we have very little chance of BEING, we lack mirrors, our navels become boring. Loneliness tends to "hit hard."
Phrases can be beautiful and warm, but also heavy and cold. Words muddle. We get confused with our own words.
My goal, as a consultant, is to get the entrepreneur to "include himself" in his company, to be part of it. It is useless to feel it from the outside or to feel the company itself. Nothing contributes the "they don't realize anything, I warned them", or the "if I don't do things, nobody does them."
It is necessary to listen to the diagnosis that the leader himself gives about his company. In those five minutes, where everything seems to be clear, the prologue of the adventure that is about to begin unfolds, of which the businessman must be its main protagonist, its hero.
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we are unaware of. And it is precisely the fact of not realizing that we do not realize it that prevents us from doing something to change it. Until we realize that we do not realize it, it will continue to shape our thinking and our action ”(Dr. Ronald D. Laing)
The mission consists of unraveling "what" that the businessman or leader does not realize that he does not realize. Suggestions of possible actions that I, from the outside, even with the best intention, can contribute are of no use. Everything happens to accompany the process, yes, as long as the employer "allows himself to be accompanied". Many times, our omnipotence does not allow us to accept company. We alone can do everything… Even, for myself, "accompanying another" is a wonderful exercise that confronts me with my own omnipotence. To that ghost that urges me to be the best, the only one, the infallible.
Recognizing that "something" may not be working quite right is the first big step in this adventure. The paths started from the lack, from what there is not, from what could be if things were this or that way are of little use. The thing is as it is and there is what there is.
The key for this support to be effective is to allow the employer or manager to discover for himself those things that may be causing his discomfort or conflict. Immediate solutions ("miraculous pomadita") for conflicts, often chronic, are of little use. This accompaniment can be done individually or in groups. Paths there are many; and only by walking you can make a path. Even wandering paths is making the way. Ultimately, everything is fine, as long as we are open to review what we do. It is difficult for us to "put our bodies" on self-criticism.
Along the way, discouragement usually appears, the desire to throw everything away and think that if I did it like this until now, why innovate. It may even happen that what felt annoying no longer feels that way. It is hard to understand that this discouragement is part of the adventure. It is the battle we wage against our own ghosts, totally real until we face and win them. It is precisely the opportunity presented to us to feel like the genuine heroes of our own stories.
After all, it must be recognized that an adventure (life) without battles is not an adventure.
