Talk to everyone. Do not fear the contagion of adversaries. No conflict is a closed tunnel and the light of understanding can enter from both ends.
Pablo Neruda
CONTENT:
Introduction.
WHAT IS TOLERANCE
1. Spaces for tolerance
1.1 The personal plane
1.2 The family plane
1.3 The work environment
1.4 Tolerance at school
1.5 The political confrontation
1.6 Other social settings
2. DECLARATION OF COMMITMENT TO TOLERANCE
Given that the term tolerance is a litter of misinterpretations, it is convenient to begin by commenting on its strict meaning.
The word tolerance has its origin in the Latin expression tolerance, tolerare, which means to endure. Of course, this is not the meaning that we are interested in promoting. The Royal Spanish Academy says that it is the “action and effect of tolerating, that is, suffering, bearing with patience”; undoubtedly based on its etymological derivation. And he adds: "Respect or consideration for the opinions or practices of others, even if they are different from ours." This is, without fear of equivocation, the basis of the sense of tolerance as a philosophical concept.
However, "respect or consideration" is limited and limiting. For the new leader, the concept of respect and consideration is just the beginning. It is no longer just a matter of respecting (patiently suffering) the point of view of others. It is not about listening to each person's point of view and then imposing your own. It is about summoning and promoting points of view different from yours, understanding that the difference and the fire of confrontation complement it and are part of the creative process in the search for problem solving and in the development of commitment on the part of the people who make up an audience or a work team.
For Estanislao Zuleta, “respect means taking the other's thinking seriously: arguing, debating with him without attacking him, without offending him, without intimidating him, without discrediting his point of view, without taking advantage of the mistakes he makes or the bad examples he presents, trying to know what degree of truth it has; but at the same time it means defending one's own thinking without falling into the small pact of respect for our differences. Very often we believe that arguing is not respect; quite the contrary, true respect requires that our point of view, whether totally or partially wrong, be put in relation to the point of view of the other through discussion ”.
Tolerance, in turn, is the fulcrum for the leader to develop a proactive attitude to conflict and its mode of resolution.
“I think it makes no difference whether I am right or whether you are right; the important thing is to reach a conclusion, and from which side of the table does that come, or from which mouth, or from which face, or from which name, is the least of it. "
JL Borges
1. SPACES FOR TOLERANCE
Tolerance is a challenge to which we are continually faced in the most dissimilar and unsuspected fields. Let's look at some spaces that require putting into practice the value of tolerance.
1.1 THE PERSONAL PLAN
On a personal level, intolerance is manifested mainly in attitudes and conceptual positions that we consider unquestionable as rigid, and force the individual to sacrifice the opportunity to advance through evolution, qualification or refutation of their own ideas.
Another behavior of intolerance on a personal level is found in those who reproach themselves for mistakes or embarrassing situations that occurred a long time ago, which prevents them from making a happy approach to the past, undermines their present well-being and undermines their self-image through a fact unchangeable.
An example of this is the attitude of a person who even today at 54 years of age is indisposed when he remembers that childhood party in which he tried to show his skills as a dancer and fell on his back, causing laughter in the audience.
Tolerance on the personal level allows us to look at the past without grudges and strengthen our self-image as a support for present well-being and future growth.
ASSERTIVITY
Assertiveness can be defined as the ability that an individual has to defend their personal rights, without infringing the rights of others.
Based on assertiveness, an individual knows himself autonomous to express what he thinks, what he feels or what he wants. You can communicate openly in any setting, be it with strangers or friends. It does not seek to hurt or disqualify its interlocutors, it simply guarantees for itself the right to communicate as a person without emotional ties.
In his article ASSERTIVITY: THE ART OF SAYING NO, Walter Riso affirms that “Our culture weighs“ yes ”more than“ no ”. The "yes" is associated with kindness, understanding and tolerance, while the "no" we refer to antipathy, selfishness and intransigence. We teach the attitude of service, help and generosity, as determining values of all humanism, and we dismiss those who oppose, refuse or simply protest. Setting precedents and expressing "discomfort" is not well seen, at least for those who want to congratulate themselves with the established order. (…) ”.
Each person has personal psychological rights. We have the right “to say no, to express disagreements, to object, to express negative feelings and to be consistent with my beliefs. Obviously I don't have to violate the rights of others to exercise mine. "
Some basic rights that generate assertiveness are:
• Right to make mistakes.
• To present opinions strange to all logic.
• To present opinions different from the opinions of others.
• To change the concept.
• To calmly acknowledge that we do not know something.
• To reject requests without feeling guilty about it.
When a person recognizes and lives these rights, it eliminates the anguish of fear of being wrong, of the once terrifying possibility of “playing the bear”.
Assertiveness is the value that allows us to put active tolerance into practice, expressing our discrepancy but inquiring more about the criteria of others:
"The truth is, I do not share his point of view, but I would like to know him better."
“Your opinion is very different from mine. How did you get to that conclusion?".
"I think it's very good that we have different points of view, that will allow us to analyze the matter from different perspectives."
EXERCISE
Identify one of the basic rights that you have not been able to implement so far and think about how it could affect you. Determine how to proceed in the future to exercise your assertiveness, without the need to run over others.
1.2 THE FAMILY PLAN
At the family level, a fact that is as pathetic as it is frequent is presented: Leaders who in other areas are usually democratic, in the family environment they are a vulgar imitation of an infamous dictator: they impose, they outrage, they do not listen, they do not have the slightest bit of solidarity with his family members. In short, they are not consistent with what they argue in other scenarios.
In this context, a regrettable behavior is to silence the voice of minors or other members of the family. Expressions like "You want to teach your dad to make children" are used for that absurd purpose.
In contrast, an act of tolerance that directly influences family integration and, especially on the self-esteem of the members, is to claim their opinion on matters that affect the interests and future of the home.
On the other hand, it is often believed that a couple relationship or a personal relationship guarantees their union over time when the same tastes are shared, when the political, religious and philosophical criteria are the same, when their hobbies and interests seem traced. This may work, but the most solid foundation is not the coincidence but the glad acceptance of the difference: it is the opportunity to enrich yourself when you peek into a hitherto unknown hobby, when the blinders are removed and the narrow vision of the own perspective.
However. What is the effect of television on the intolerant behavior of people in the family?
Recently some essays have been published that enthusiastically defend the role of television in the education of children, mainly. It is a respectable point of view and it is convenient to recognize that some cultural programs make a significant effort that must be maintained, encouraged and, if possible, reinforced. However, it is necessary to point out that there is a program, unfortunately the most widespread and the one with the best schedules, which has played a very important role in the creation of anti-values and pseudo-values, with dangerous or harmful effects depending on the profile of the audience. Generally, the audience is children, and in the worst case they are children who watch television without the company of an adult and, when this is not the case, the adult is not in a position or capacity to guide the minor. So things,viewers (including young people and adults) are exposed without any critical criteria to the anti-values that this programming repeats to them over and over again until they transmit a paradigm of analysis and behavior.
To refer to just one aspect, many "humor" programs from Latin American countries and some comedies on North American TV are just a series of humiliations based on the exaltation of prejudices, the ridicule of women, in the mockery of the condition physics in some cases and human misery in others. In case there are still doubts, remember that “having empathy and caring for others is a sign of tolerance”, as Bárbara Unell affirms. (3)
EXERCISE
Pick a Latin American comedy show and record it. Grab a pencil and paper and start watching the show, keeping track of how many times someone is abused because of their race, size, gender, sexual preferences, age, national origin, etc. Don't lose sight of your goal. If you resist to the end, you will have an element of judgment…
Intolerance in the family environment eliminates the creativity and spontaneity of children; establishes a climate of intimidation and encourages devious behavior. Tolerance, on the other hand, encourages respect, communication, assertiveness and solidarity among its members. Tolerance in the family promotes acceptance and raises the level of self-esteem of its members.
1.3 THE WORK ENVIRONMENT
Intolerance is expressed in different ways in the workplace. Perhaps the most common and emasculating results from the omission of the opinion and creative contribution of officials or workers with the conviction that "the boss is always right even if he is wrong."
The action of promoting the opinion and participation of the people not only contributes to finding solutions more quickly and efficiently, but also generates a high level of commitment towards tasks and towards the company.
A few years ago, a manager of an advertising agency commented on how he managed to obtain the account of an important company: They summoned several advertising agencies to present their concepts on what the advertising campaign could be for their products. They did so and during the presentations the exhibitors did not miss the opportunity to disqualify the competitors. When it was his turn, he said: “The other agencies that you have considered have very capable people. In fact, I'm sure any of them would do a great job. Our advertising strategy is as follows… ”and he explained his project in detail. He never attacked the walls of the competition. And he got the contract.
Other cases of intolerance in the workplace occur among co-workers, and are sometimes expressed in an imperceptible way.
The company holds an "integration meeting". As the attendees arrive, the familiar groups are formed. Generally these groups are old compositions that are based on common interests: They work in the same division, they like the same music or they play the same sport. The experience of looking for "equals" is repeated to form apparently homogeneous groups and feel more or less comfortable. The meeting, of course, does not encourage any integration. But it helps us to confirm the fear and contempt that exists towards diversity.
1.4 TOLERANCE IN SCHOOL
The school, that is to say, the educational centers of any level, plays a capital role in the formation for democracy and diversity.
For a long time, a large number of professors wielded as a “teaching methodology” the arrogance provided by the knowledge and the intimidation they exercised from the pedestal of their academic hierarchy. This teaching transmitted and reiterated through the experience turns the school into a source that favors the reproduction of the patterns of rigidity and intransigence.
Fortunately, this has been changing and an increasing number of teachers have proposed to learn to listen actively and promote activities that require the active and voluntary participation of students. Teachers today are committed to understanding and helping to understand that "different" does not mean "dangerous."
Active listening requires:
• Not just discovering the errors in the communication of the other person, but listening to try to understand what he really wants to say to us. In short, focus on the content, not the form.
• Proceed to cross-examine and deepen as much as necessary to fully understand, when it has not been easy to understand or communication has not been clear.
• Avoid interrupting to express your own point of view or to say that you already know what the other person is going to say. Some people seem to want to tell their interlocutor "don't talk when I'm interrupting you."
• Encourage others to express their opinion.
• Apply paraphrasing, that is, repeat in your own words what has been communicated to you, to ensure a full understanding of the message. “I would like to be sure I understand. It's about… (I paraphrase)… Did I understand correctly? ”
• Eliminate interference, distractions and parallel activities. Stop any other activity, make eye contact, and focus all your senses on what they are saying. A person may have the ability to hold a conversation while listening to the Walkman and typing on the computer, but apart from the disrespect that this constitutes, the interest of the interlocutor will be diminished and communication impaired.
EXERCISE
Cut an article from a magazine that is not current. No longer than three paragraphs. Without realizing the purpose of the exercise, read the article aloud. Now say that you will ask 8 or 10 questions about the article and whoever answers all the questions correctly will be the winner of a prize. No one will surely win the prize.
You can complete this exercise by asking some questions for group reflection and discussion: Is this a representative case? How can we improve listening skills? If I had told you that there was a prize at stake, would the result have been the same? Why?
Let the group draw conclusions and suggest that some conclusions be chosen as a personal task.
Likewise, as part of the promotion of activities that require the active and voluntary participation of students, it is important to highlight the creation of pluralistic school newspapers, the development of group exercises with this specific objective and the organization of forums where exhibitors present reflections. heterogeneous. Other exercises can be applied by teachers according to what their criteria indicate.
EXERCISE
A very interesting dynamic results from asking students, individually or in groups, to express their point of view regarding a hot or current issue and then roles are assigned to condition them to temporarily omit their opinion and specify them to support the point from the viewpoint of his opponents.
THE EFFECT OF PREJUDICES
Prejudices foster rigidity across the board. Prejudices are preconceived opinions about something or someone before having true knowledge. Although we will not deal with the origin of prejudices, it is worth saying that they arise from resistance to diversity, and can be formed from the vague generalizations that are often repeated in the most diverse media.
Complete the following sentences with the answers that appear first in your mind:
The _______________ are punctual.
Argentines are __________________.
________________ are very stingy.
________________ are very tricky.
The best businessmen are _________________.
Congressmen are _________________.
Brunettes are ___________________.
Perhaps you thought about the punctuality of the English, the egotism of the Argentines and other standard responses. In fact, there is an international joke that talks about the "humility" of the Argentines, the "beauty" of the Mexicans, the "intelligence" of the Venezuelans and the "honesty" of the Colombians.
As well. Think how many times you have dated English people to know that all English people are punctual. Or how many times did you do business with the… as if to affirm that they are all bargainers, or cheap, etc. Naturally, generalizations lead to prejudice and are reinforced by tacky humor.
When someone has prejudice towards people belonging to certain ethnic groups, towards religious communities, political parties, social classes, etc., they will have behaviors of rejection and distancing. It is very difficult for you to have a conversation with them and, if you do, you will not get your full attention. Much less will you try to inquire from their point of view.
Due to the characteristics of the school, which brings together individuals of diverse origins, cultures, ideologies and habits, it is an especially conducive space to learn and promote the principles of tolerance and coexistence. School is an optimal space to understand and accept difference, exercise tolerance and learn to democratically resolve conflicts.
The development of a culture for tolerance and coexistence should be a strategic concern of the school and of the different actors in school life.
1.5 TOLERANCE IN SOCIAL ORGANIZATIONS
In the MANUAL ON PARTICIPATION AND ORGANIZATION FOR LOCAL MANAGEMENT, Esperanza González establishes that “A Social Organization is a group of individuals who identify with certain interests and who decide to act in common with the purpose of defending them and collectively solving shared problems. Organizations are scenarios where initiatives and / or proposals are prepared and put into execution and from which relationships are established (of dialogue, cooperation, conflict, negotiation) with different sectors of society and with the state. In other words, organizations are instances of representation of interests and instruments of positive action. " (4)
In practice, “collectively solving shared problems” necessarily implies the confrontation of ideas to establish actions and identify responsibilities for the common benefit. The confrontation of ideas allows the organization to grow and consolidate on the basis of democracy.
In this sense, the role of diversity is to facilitate the field of discussion to make satisfactory results possible.
Social organizations advance slowly in this process of forming leaders with a high concept of diversity and capable of teaching the precepts of tolerance through their behavior.
As an anecdotal fact, I want to comment on the case of an experienced speaker on Conflict Resolution issues who did not work with a colleague “because they had many differences” !!
1.5 THE POLITICAL CONFRONTATION
Tolerance invites us to confront ideas, not to attack the person who produces them. However, in the political media, a good leader is considered to be one who is capable of discrediting and crushing his opponents. In fact, the most absurd extreme of intolerance is that which resorts to the physical elimination of the contradictor as a means of eliminating the contradiction.
Until a few years ago, the behavior of the political groups on the left was absolutely intransigent and the confrontations took place not only in the ideological field, but, more bitterly, in the field of epithets.
Today, armed groups of one type or another have in their hands the "reason" for the violence and therefore the destruction and indiscriminate corpses of civil society are the strongest arguments when it comes to communication. It is necessary to dismantle this logic to begin to understand that the truth is not necessarily in my argument, and that, with Borges, “it is indifferent that I am right or that you are right; the important thing is to reach a conclusion, and from which side of the table does that come, or from which mouth, or from which face, or from which name, is the least of it. "
1.6 OTHER SOCIAL ENVIRONMENTS
Naturally, tolerance can be expressed in all areas in which man intervenes. But it is worth highlighting those in which, due to their importance, frequency or evidence, it is convenient to question and implement measures that guarantee effective changes.
Briefly, religion and sports are discussed.
Religious groups have also fallen into the enormous mistake of believing that they are the sole possessors of the truth, reasoning that has led them to set themselves up as the chosen ones and to stigmatize those who profess a different creed.
This essay ignores dark times such as the Inquisition, (for which His Holiness John Paul II recently apologized to humanity) and, more recently, Islam, also based on the principles of the wildest intolerance.
The world of sports is especially prone to thoughtless and fanatical behavior.
Many sports venues in the world have been turned into real fields of war. The advent of the “Creole hulligans” is surprising for its levels of aggressiveness as well as its levels of ignorance.
A sports team is just a group of athletes formed "accidentally". The athletes who make it up today could make up the opposing team in the future. Behind each professional team there are multiple economic interests, legitimate most of the time. Sport, the attractiveness of the plasticity of the body, the exquisite muscle in movement and coordination are, in themselves, the greatest motivation. Although the considerations could be many more, these are enough to point out the irrationality of fanaticism for the shirt of a commercial sponsor.
When a taste for sports is discovered, fun and recognition of the competitor replace the fanatic's own idolatry.
2. DECLARATION OF COMMITMENT TO TOLERANCE
Over time, during the seminars and workshops on Leadership, Tolerance, Conflict Resolution and Personal Growth, I have promoted the commitment to tolerance, which is nothing more than a commitment to the country, to humanity and, naturally, to ourselves.
There are people who attend seminars, read many books, and possess important knowledge that they never put into practice. The purpose of signing and promoting a pact is to instruct each person who knows the importance of tolerance to put this knowledge into practice. We urge you to become by example a creator of a new culture: The culture of tolerance.
DECLARATION OF COMMITMENT TO TOLERANCE
«We must BE the change we want to see in the world»
Gandhi
The fact that a person knows what is ethical, moral, healthy or fair does not guarantee that he will act accordingly with that knowledge. It is his determination to act consciously and consequently with that knowledge, his determination to act for the sake of a future result that can make him assume the commitment to initiate a new behavior, even with the personal difficulties that this implies.
Under this consideration, the signatories have decided to make this DECLARATION OF COMMITMENT TO TOLERANCE, to make personal changes and lead changes in our family environment, in our workplaces in our organizations and in any other social setting that allows us to "conspire" in favor of Tolerance, Diversity and Peaceful Coexistence.
We promise to seek and respect the opinion of others, especially if it is different from ours, to understand that the conflict is enriching when its solution is processed democratically and to understand that my point of view is not necessarily correct, but is just one way to see the situation.
We are also committed to promoting Declarations similar to this one in other social settings, as long as the signatories fully understand the importance, convenience, usefulness and productivity that the commitment means.
As a sign of personal commitment to what is stated in this DECLARATION, we sign and keep a copy of it.
Initially published by: CENTRO FORUM FOUNDATION and DEVELOPMENT PROJECT CENTER, JAVERIANA UNIVERSITY. Santafé de Bogotá, 1999
1. ZULETA, Estanislao, "Education and Democracy."
2. RISO, Walter, “Assertiveness: the art of saying no”, in Nueva Magazine No. 679, Associated Newspapers, Santafé de Bogotá, July 31, 1999, p.2
3. UNELL, Bárbara and Wyckoff, Jerry, “20 values that you can transmit to your children”, Editorial Norma, 1997, p. 44
4. GONZALEZ, Esperanza, "Manual on Participation and Organization for Local Management", Editions Foro Nacional por Colombia, Cali, 1995, p. 95
DECLARATION OF COMMITMENT TO TOLERANCE
We must BE the change we want to see in the world.
Gandhi
The fact that a person knows what is ethical, moral, healthy or fair does not guarantee that he will act accordingly with that knowledge. It is his determination to act consciously and consequently with that knowledge, his determination to act for the sake of a future result that can make him assume the commitment to initiate a new behavior, even with the personal difficulties that this implies.
Under this consideration, the signatories have decided to make this DECLARATION OF COMMITMENT TO TOLERANCE, to make personal changes and lead changes in our family environment, in our workplaces in our organizations and in any other social setting that allows us to "conspire" in favor of Tolerance, Diversity and Peaceful Coexistence.
We promise to seek and respect the opinion of others, especially if it is different from ours, to understand that the conflict is enriching when its solution is processed democratically and to understand that my point of view is not necessarily correct, but is just a form to see the situation.
We are also committed to promoting Declarations similar to this one in other social settings, as long as the signatories fully understand the importance, convenience, usefulness and productivity that the commitment means.
As a sign of personal commitment to what is stated in this DECLARATION, we sign and keep a copy of it.
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