The human being is a being of relationships that requires the bond with his peers in order to survive and achieve goals. However, social competitiveness seems to be generating an increase in a harmful relationship style: the indifferent attitude. How to face and overcome it? Keep reading.
Human beings are from the moment of birth, dependent on those around us. We could not survive alone and, as psychology has proven, when we are deprived of affection, we develop cognitive, affective and behavioral defects and limitations, which are rarely reversible.
One of the best known theories in this sense is the Attachment Theory, postulated by Bowlby and Aisworth, who studied the relationship between several children and their closest support figure (attachment). These researchers discovered that children who received double or ambivalent messages, with non-constant affection and attention, as well as those who were victims of indifference and rejection of their main support figure, showed great emotional suffering and developed ways of relating, signed by anxiety, insecurity, isolation and indifference. These contexts of limited or confused affect have been called by Linehan, as "disabling environments", which are usually key contexts for the appearance of emotional disorders.
This is one of the explanations, not the only one, of the indifferent behavior with our fellow men. The truth is that we depend on others both in childhood and in the rest of life, and displays of indifference affect us. So much so, that it is common to hear some advise others to "punish with the whip of indifference", those who turn out to be labeled as enemies.
Although there may be an innate tenure to mark distance, due to temperament, or due to the effects of a certain biological brain configuration, as Jerome Kagan has verified in his experiments with children, it is also possible to learn to behave with indifference, through what it is known as "modeling" or imitation.
If a parent, sibling, or other authority figure tends to behave in this way and achieves his or her goals through this pernicious mechanism, it can serve as a way for others, especially children and adolescents, to follow suit in the hope of influencing others..
I recently went to visit a family of friends, and not his children's asked me to take him home. Seeing that his expectation would not be fulfilled, he opted for the retaliation of silence and isolation, a practice that characterizes his father and that has generated numerous conflicts with friends, partners and co-workers. Needless to say, at no time did he advise or reprimand the boy for that attitude that lasted for the rest of the afternoon.
In terms of consequences, it should be noted that this attitude of emotional coldness prevents good relationships, because it limits the possibility of people getting to know each other, blocks communication, generates resentment and desires for revenge, prevents the search for agreements, and label the other as undesirable and disposable.
An indifferent boss does not motivate his employees, since motivation has two components: personal example and direct reinforcement. If the example is not preached and the merits are not recognized, employees experience what I call here "psychological invisibility", a kind of being without being, because they are not taken into account as common sense suggests and is dictated by the human requirement.
In the couple the damage is not minor. Indifference is often used as punishment for not fulfilling people's expectations and the sanction can reach the bed and promote conflicts and infidelities.
In the case of mercy and social help, indifference is a barrier, a blocker, which prevents giving the weakest the support they so badly need. This being the case, it can become self-centered and not very empathetic. Some people who take this position from my extreme point of view do not seem to understand that when a finger has been broken, we should not therefore cut the hand.
Whether it is an innate or learned disposition, and it is at work, the partner or the family that is present, the indifferent attitude causes havoc and it is necessary to avoid it, overcome it, eradicate it.
- The first thing that needs to be done to resolve this emotional isolation is to raise awareness of its effects and propose a change in style. The second thing is to observe to recognize the stressors that detonate, which drive us to deploy this defensive mechanism, which in all cases The cases are: avoid being rejected, and manipulation of blackmail to dominate the other.The third decision is to look for alternative forms of solution, such as: showing our discontent if attacking, expressing the fear of being rejected and expressing what we want to happen or that the other does, understanding that not in all cases we can be pleased.Finally, the strategy of the successive approach, which consists in reducing the indifferent attitude a little more each day, giving small but constant samples of approach,It allows the person to achieve a change without their psychological system used to isolating itself, oppose resistance.
This is what Robert Maurer has called the Kaizen path. Small, continuous steps to promote big changes.
If you can understand the importance of maintaining good relationships, with adequate forms of personal contact and necessary limits that allow respect for differences and the protection of personal spaces, it is in your hands to overcome isolationist tendencies and promote a human connection every time. more nutritious. Thanks for reading me. www.laexcelencia.com.
