Are you aware of the importance and effect of what you think and the mental rules that you impose on your results? Some time ago I talked about the four most frequent types of self-sabotage and now I want to add three more types that are not mentioned much but because of my experience and that of my clients they are also very important. You already know that to change and improve the first thing is to be aware of what happens, so keep reading to see if you identify with any.
1. To think that leaving things halfway is failing
This is very common, especially if you are a perfectionist. Leaving things halfway makes you feel fatal, guilty, disorganized, immature… Although we are talking about simply leaving a book half-hearted. Unfortunately, that makes you spend time and money on things that you really don't want to do, and it really hurts you. If we talk about a book or a movie, the thing does not have as much impact, but if we talk about your studies, your business or some important project, yes.
It is important that you value your time and your tastes, you do not have to force yourself to finish something that you know you do not like at all. Of course, this should not be confused with the lack of persistence, of course. It is one thing to leave something halfway because it requires effort and quite another to know that it is not what you want, that you are not going to change your mind and continue to blindly waste time, energy and money when you could be doing something that you do want to do.
What can you do then if you identify with this? To avoid the feeling of having failed and the feeling of guilt you can do two things:
- Create some rules or a system to decide in advance how far you can endure. For example, if you are one of those who suffers when leaving a book halfway, even if you are not liking anything, you can propose as a limit a number of pages or chapters, "I give it a hundred pages and if I see no, for another, that there are many books and little time ”. The same with some movie, here the trap is money, "is that since I paid the entrance fee, I'm already staying." So you have not only paid but you are also wasting time, take advantage of it to do something else! My sister gave me a great example: she signed up for an English course and after the first class decided to stop going. The 1st thing they said was "but what are you doing, if you have already paid for it, go and that's it." But as she said, I have gone and I have seen that it is not what I want,that the level is too basic and I am not going to take advantage of it, so why should I lose, in addition to the money already invested, my time? That says it all. Get rid of what makes you feel guilty. I will give you an example of a client, she started studying law, she liked it but she realized that basically it was not what she wanted, so she left it. Every time she sees the books, she feels terrible, although she has never regretted it and is aware that if she had followed that time, she would not be free now. Solution that she gave herself, give the books away and not have them in sight. Out of sight, out of mind.he liked it but realized that deep down it was not what he wanted, so he left it. Every time he sees the books, he feels terrible, although he has never regretted it and is aware that if he had followed that time, he would not be free now. Solution that she gave herself, give the books away and not have them in sight. Out of sight, out of mind.he liked it but realized that deep down it was not what he wanted, so he left it. Every time he sees the books, he feels terrible, although he has never regretted it and is aware that if he had followed that time, he would not be free now. Solution that she gave herself, give the books away and not have them in sight. Out of sight, out of mind.
Alternative option: if you see that these methods do not help you, decide to finish what you started, but without complaining and as a conscious decision and get it out of your mind.
2. Reject or deny something that is important to you (but in some ways embarrasses you)
It is essential that you be true to yourself and accept yourself as you are, including those little things that make you feel ashamed. This is especially important when we talk about the things that motivate you to do something or your main values. Many times we have the belief that your values or reasons for doing something have to be completely altruistic and if not, it is that you are a selfish person or a bad person. And you end up making choices that don't make you feel fulfilled because deep down it's not what you want.
An example may be not recognizing that one of your motivators or values is money, because you fear being bad and you would prefer it to be the service to others, for example. Or, as I recently discussed with a client, denying the importance of status to you, being recognized professionally. Denying something that is important to you only hurts you, it is important to accept things and give them the value and importance they deserve just because they are important to you. I will give you a personal example, one of the things that cost me the most when changing my profession was the change of status, it is not the same today to say that you are a scientist and specialized in genetics (admiration and appreciation) than to say that you are a coach (huh Ah yes, now there are many).It cost me a lot and I was not aware of the importance of professional recognition for me until I made the change. At first I felt guilty for caring about something so “superficial”, not anymore, for me it is important, yes, so what? (Good to know in case I change my profession again, ha ha).
There is nothing wrong with wanting to earn a good salary, in wanting to have a luxurious life, in wanting your profession to be socially recognized. Accept what you want, what motivates you and you will make better decisions and you will feel much more satisfied with your achievements.
3. Associating money with evil
On this subject you can write endlessly and never end. Money is a thorny issue for many people because from a young age you may associate it with negative things or with scarcity. "Money doesn't grow on trees", "Nobody gets rich by working honestly", "Money goes to your head", "People with money have no principles" and a long etcetera.
The problem with these kinds of beliefs, as always happens, is that they keep you stuck in attitudes that sabotage your success unconsciously. You may tell yourself that you want to earn money, but if deep down you think that money makes you a bad person, I assure you that you will stay as you are.
It is a topic that is worth working to change beliefs and free yourself from envy, guilt or compulsive spending. You have to have one thing clear: money is a number, it is paper, it is neutral. Money is neither good nor bad, people are. Some time ago I learned something that reached me deeply, money amplifies what you are. If you are already a bad person (and I assure you that there are many bad people with little money, you already have a demystified belief) with more money you will be worse. But, if you are a good person, honest, generous, imagine what you could do with more money, all the people you could help.
Do not let yourself be overcome by those kinds of beliefs and change them for others that benefit you more. Money allows you to help more people, that is a fact. And yes, there are people with a lot of money, generous, honest and hard-working. My own mentor comes to mind, so you have a real example. Honest, hard-working woman who now lives like a queen but not until recently, and has achieved what she wanted by working and taking risks.
You find what you are looking for, you already know that, I challenge you to find evidence that with money you can do good things and still be a good person and that you can be honored too.
What do you say? Which of these three impacts you the most?
