Do you have to deal with a difficult person on a daily basis? Whether it is your boss, a coworker, someone you know or even a family member, we have all had to face people who, with their behavior, make us feel frustrated, irritated or overwhelmed.
In most cases we do not know how to deal with them and we do what they want, or we just shy away from them, thinking it is the best way to act. Troubled people have that answer. They know that with their attitude they confuse you and prevent you from acting effectively, and that is what needs to be changed: your response to their attitude. There is nothing better to achieve this than learning from people who do know how to deal with these types of complicated personalities.
I recently read R. Bramson's book "How to deal with difficult people", where they comment that, whether we are talking about hostile people, protesters, too complacent, indecisive, pessimistic or know-it-all, there are a series of guidelines that we can use to improve our I deal with and eliminate the anxiety involved in dealing with these types of people. The important thing is not to comply with the response they expect from us. Although there are different methods for each type of difficult person (you can find much more detailed information in the book), there are a series of common steps that form the basis for successfully emerging from an encounter with one of these people (in fact, these five steps can be applied to many more situations):
1. Analyze the situation (and your attitude). Is he really a troubled person or is it temporary because of a particular situation? We all behave problematic in certain circumstances, and that does not mean that we are difficult people. If you take it like this you are complicating your life yourself. In fact, the most difficult people to deal with are those who always see others as difficult. A difficult person behaves difficult continuously. If not, you may be looking for an excuse for your own problems, and instead of solving them , you blame others. So consider if that person has behaved like this in at least three similar situations, if your reaction is disproportionate (maybe you are irritated with that person for another reason or have some prejudice…), or if it could be solved with a simple frank conversation. In all these cases you would not be dealing with a difficult person.
2. Don't try to change the person. It is very common to want people to change and not to behave as they do, or to do as we want, but with that you will not fix anything. Blaming someone else and wanting them to change makes you waste time and feel frustrated because, you know what? It's not going to change. So try to assume that waiting for a person to magically change is not going to happen.
3. Stay away from problem behavior. By this I do not mean that you run away, but that you leave aside (as difficult as it may seem) the irritation, frustration and desire to change that person and observe the situation coldly, from the outside; and even that you put yourself in their place. That is the only way you can understand the causes of their behavior and the patterns of their behavior, and so you can decide how to act or respond. Otherwise you will be unable to plan a strategy and you will be responding as that person expects.
4. Create a plan to cope. Once you have understood the behavior of the difficult person, it is time to devise a strategy to overcome the situation successfully. The most important thing is to know that the solution lies in your attitude, that you are the one who has to modify how you interact. The most common thing is to become defensive and even counterattack, but that does not give good results. Instead of taking your attitude wrong look for alternatives that allow you to get away with it. Of course, the answer will depend on the type of problem person you are with. For example, with a hostile, overwhelming and offensive person, it works to stay on your thirteen (who doesn't see you as weak), give him time to calm down, get him to sit down and avoid frontal shocks. On the other hand, with a person who finds fault with everything and protests everything and everyone without doing anything about it, it would be useful, among other things, to listen to him and not agree or apologize. You can find all the information about the different types of difficult people in the book I mentioned to you earlier.
5. Put it into practice. Of course you have to choose the right moment, decide when you have the necessary time and energy (because you are going to need them) and keep in mind that the person is not going through a stressful situation. You can practice before at home. Then check the effectiveness of your strategy and make modifications if necessary.
Still sometimes there is no way to interact with that person normally. In that case, there is no other choice but to distance yourself as much as possible, even if that means changing your job. Of course that will involve a lot of discomfort and stress but it is your choice. Sometimes it is worse to bear the person in question. That is why it is convenient to know how to deal with these people to avoid having to resort to desperate measures. For more information I refer you again to the book "How to deal with difficult people" by R. Bramson.
