Human beings essentially seek to satisfy our needs, as Abrahan Maslow has expressed in his theory on "human motivation". He has made a chart in the shape of a pyramid, where he develops a hierarchy of human needs and argues that as the most basic needs are met (bottom of the pyramid), human beings develop higher needs and wants (top of the piramid). Those needs basically begin with the physiological needs (breathing, feeding, resting, etc.), then follow, in order of importance, those that refer to security, affiliation, recognition and the highest self-realization.
Maslow clearly expresses that needs condition our lives. From my work, I observe how the vast majority of people establish unconscious mental processes based on the search to satisfy our needs and that govern us in such a way that they become invisible traps that prevent us from solving life situations.
What is the catch? When we mentally place ourselves in the place of needs, what we naturally do is focus on what we lack and without realizing it we connect with the emotions that govern the feelings of lack. Why do you work? Why do you live in the house you live in? What is the reason for choosing the car you have? Look around you, why are you approaching other people? If the answer to some or all of these questions is "because I need it" or "because of the need to be accepted or loved", we have necessarily made decisions connected to our shortcomings. And what happens when we operate unconsciously in this way is that we will cause more deficiencies. Without realizing it, invisible forces begin to condition us, since by selecting by necessity we are the ones who put conditions on others and ourselves for everything.
One way to avoid this trap is to mentally position yourself from a new place, focusing on the possibilities. That is: make aware that before each thought, decision, action or desire, there are infinite possibilities of choice. It is false to believe that we cannot choose. We have been conditioned to believe that we can do very little in our lives and, even if we are not aware, we are always choosing. When we stand from the place of needs we believe we cannot choose, we are lacking, we feel the obligation to do and think in a certain way. What surrounds us are only limits. But if we place ourselves in the world of possibilities, the doors of personal power open.
As an example, if we do not like the work we have and believe that we are obliged to go even if we do not want to, we will be convinced that we do it simply out of necessity. Although we surely do not feel very good about it, we make a great daily effort to fulfill that obligation that living in a system that requires money for its operation represents. We believe there is no choice and we feel trapped doing something that we do not really want. In this case, almost without realizing it, we are standing in need and lack: I need to work on something that I don't like because I lack the money to be able to leave it.
Now, the situation can change, if we ask ourselves what other possibilities we have to face this issue. How many other jobs can exist for me? What other things could I do? What alternatives can I find to obtain the financial resources? What are the reasons why I do what I do? An answer to this last question could be: I work to earn money and I earn money to be able to eat and dress every day. Well then the statement could change to "work because I choose to eat and dress every day." I stop at the possibilities and look for the different food or clothing alternatives that I have. Money gives me the security of paying rent and choosing where I live. And so the possibilities are endless.In case any of the answers is not satisfactory, I can ask myself a new question. What can I do now to start changing, for example: my job, my food, my house, etc.? We can think of 3,5,10 or infinite possibilities. Within this range of alternatives I can choose one and try it. Of course it may be the same as we had at the beginning, but the feeling that we are going to have, no matter what the choice is, is that now I am choosing and it is no longer an imposition of society, the state, the family or my parents. Stand in the place of possibilitiesOf course it may be the same as we had at the beginning, but the feeling that we are going to have, no matter what the choice is, is that now I am choosing and it is no longer an imposition of society, the state, the family or my parents. Stand in the place of possibilitiesOf course it may be the same as we had at the beginning, but the feeling that we are going to have, no matter what the choice is, is that now I am choosing and it is no longer an imposition of society, the state, the family or my parents. Stand in the place of possibilitiesit gives us back the necessary role to be able to grow and take responsibility for our lives. It represents regaining personal power for decision making.
Every moment, every step we take implies that we have previously developed an internal decision-making process. Consciously or unconsciously we permanently choose and are responsible for the results we obtain. We also clarified that we fall into a trap when we mentally place ourselves in the place of need. When we believe that we cannot choose and that life is endless personal attempts to fill gaps, compensate for weaknesses, overcome obstacles and achieve imposed or forced goals. Almost without realizing it we are trapped because we focus on what we need, on the need to be covered, and in this way we connect with the emotions that govern the feelings of lack.
This invisible trap often occurs in relationships. This occurs when one or both protagonists strongly believe that they need the other.The novels illustrate this limiting way of feeling in phrases like "I cannot live without him" or "She is my life, my love and my world", thus enunciating the emotional dependence that one person has on the other. Behind these affirmations of "need" it is very common to see how the same people in love soon fall into sick jealousy, emotional depression and even intellectual annulment. We can affirm that "love", in the widest and deepest meaning of the word, is very far from the union of necessity. When people unite due to lack, when they are with someone who "has or should" give us something that we lack, we are facing a future couple conflict.
Necessity nullifies choice. When one person is with another because she needs it, that person is no longer choosing, she simply cannot be without the other. It cannot do so because it feels that it is obliged to retain whoever contributes what it lacks. And what can that contribution consist of? In acceptance, company, support, emotional or material support, etc. In some cases it is chosen to suffer even the bad treatment or inconsideration of the other, and that is because the affected person really believes that she has no other option.
What would happen if we changed the need for the possibility, if our partners began to say "I love you, but I don't need you", "because I love you then I choose you" and "because I don't need you I am free to decide"? Love without demands, without pretensions and without expectations, with the simple and powerful action of loving the other without conditions. I want to clarify that I am not referring to the lack of coexistence rules. Every relationship requires rules to regulate the actions of individuals in it. And those rules are not unilateral but agreed and respected by both parties.
Looking at it from this new point of view, look around you and ask yourself : What am I doing out of necessity and what am I really consciously choosing in my life? You may be surprised with the answers. You may also begin to wonder how have I related to my partner, my children, my job, my friends, and my life? Starting today, what do I want to start choosing and why? What do I choose for myself?
If you discover that there are several aspects in your life that you have lived through necessity, surely you have also believed in those situations, that you could not change anything, and you can realize that, until today, you have lacked the personal power to achieve the changes you want.
Now, being aware that you constantly choose, that nothing is foreign to your decisions, today you can assume the leading role in your life. You will be able to see new alternatives and possibilities, you will be able to take charge of your behaviors and especially of the results you obtain. I want to clarify that this is not the formula for happiness, but the way to start being free in your life. It is also evident that hardly anyone can be happy without having first exercised their full capacity to choose.
