How many times do you do things that you don't want to do, or that just don't do you good, because you don't dare say no? Not only that, but also, you probably fool yourself by saying that you don't really care, that it doesn't cost you that much…
Of course, you don't want to appear selfish, or that the person who asked you is angry. You are a good person and you like to help others and, above all, like others, right? So it is much easier to say yes. Even if that means doing things you don't want to do, delaying your own work and not having time for yourself.
Knowing how to say that it is not essential for your self-esteem and quality of life, so let's clarify a few things:
- First of all, it is impossible for everyone to like you; and saying yes to everything and everyone is not going to help you achieve it, rather the opposite. Secondly, if you don't take care of yourself and take time for your things and to be well, you won't be able to take care of others as they deserve, with your best smile That is not being selfish, on the contrary. Remember what is said on flights: "If you travel with children, put on the oxygen mask first and then take care of the child." Why? Because if not, you will not be able to assist him In this case, your “mask” is to say no to the things you don't want or can do, so that you have desire and energy for what is really important to you. Lastly, don't forget that you have every right in the world to to say no, and if someone gets angry it is your problem. On the other hand, saying no does not mean that you are rejecting the person who has asked you for something, it simply means that it is not the right time for you.
Even if you agree with all this, you will probably think that it is not so easy, that you do not know how to do it without feeling bad. So I'm going to give you three techniques so that it costs you a little less to say no, and so you can be more assertive and start taking care of yourself as you should.
- Never accept the moment. Save some time, you can say "let me think about it and I'll answer you tomorrow" or "let me look at my schedule and I'll tell you something". This technique is effective because you are preparing the person who asked you for the possibility that you will not be able to do it (and thus they will start to think about other candidates). Instead of just saying no, try "now I can't, another better day (or maybe later)". This makes it easier to say. Say no politely and without giving too many explanations(I read this technique in the book "The extreme art of self-care" by Cheryl Richardson). Imagine that you are invited to collaborate on a project that you cannot or do not want to do. You can say "Thank you for thinking of me, right now it is impossible / I cannot accept, I am very busy, but I wish you the best / I hope it turns out very well". A very polite and pleasant way to refuse, right? Remember the part about not giving too many explanations. We all tend to it, as if to justify ourselves, when we don't need any justification to deny ourselves.
I encourage you to try any of these techniques so that you start taking care of yourself and taking time for what really interests you.
* A small detail, what happens when someone you love asks you for something that you don't feel like doing but that is very important to him / her?
In that case, just ask yourself if you want to do it. You will see that, in most cases, even if you do not feel like it, you will, because you know that it is important for that person. Of course, do not be confused, we are talking about your loved ones. In the other cases, it's not that you don't feel like it, it 's that you really don't want to! When in doubt, always trust yourself and ask yourself if you want to or not.
I hope these tips have helped you. Knowing how to say it is not very important and will help you to have more confidence in yourself.
