To what extent do negative thoughts affect your results?
By now you already know that your beliefs and thoughts influence your attitude and, therefore, your results and satisfaction.
As Suzanne Evans mentions in the book "The way you do anything is the way you do everything", one thinks he is special (and not in a positive sense, precisely) because of the problems he has. Does it ring a bell? Thinking that you can't achieve something because X happens to you.
The point is that in that aspect we are all special, because absolutely we all have problems of some kind. What makes the difference is not that you have a problem or not, but how you react to it.
Regarding that the other day I read on the Lifehacker blog a summary of certain types of toxic thoughts that only harm you and with which I totally agree. Here are my thoughts on some:
1. To think that you are a victim
That is, complaining about everything and blaming others or circumstances. You may not like what is happening to you, but blaming others is not going to solve anything. It's time to take responsibility for your life and your decisions, and get down to work to make the changes you really want. And no, it is not easy. Neither for you nor for anyone.
2. To think that you can change other people
We all fall into this at one time or another and for different reasons, but it is frustrating and useless. You can help change someone who is willing to do it, but who does not want to change or is not even aware that they can do it is not going to do it no matter how hard you try. It is difficult to assume but you have to accept people exactly as they are and help them in what they ask for or serve as inspiration by changing your way so that they find that motivation.
If you do not see yourself capable of accepting a person as he is, you may have to rethink your relationship or change yourself to see what happens…
Not easy either.
3. Resist reality
I especially like this point and it can change your life. There are many things you can change: you can change jobs, improve your physical appearance, learn something new, etc. But there are also things that you cannot change (including certain people as I mentioned in the previous point): you cannot change that your boss is not what you want, you cannot change that it is going to rain, or have to pay the mortgage or taxes …
There are many things that you cannot directly change, but you can accept them instead of resisting and that will make you more relaxed and you can make better decisions about it.
Many people write to me complaining that their boss is in this or that way, or their coworkers, or their living or working conditions; and they even affirm that they know that the situation is not going to change. Resisting something is very frustrating and can make you very unhappy. You have two options: accept it and move on or change (you or your circumstances).
And no, it is not easy, but it is worth learning and trying because the effect on your physical and mental health is noticeable.
4. To think that things are always better or easier or… for others
This is also very typical. It is that you have been very lucky, it is that as a guy he is more attractive, it is that he has it easier because he has more money, is that…
The people who have got what they want have not had it easy. Everything costs and it does not matter if you are richer, prettier, thinner, brunette, Russian, mother or single. Each situation has its pros and cons, some things will be easier for you and others more difficult. A tall person may get to the basket better but have trouble buying a car. A beautiful person may get a job sooner (I have no idea, for the record) but then underestimate it because it is too beautiful.
Each one has their problems and their circumstances and, in general, the one who gets high is because he has worked a lot, has made decisions, has taken risks and has not stood idly by. That is why you find people of all kinds with success (including many who surely have had it much more difficult than you. And I do not say this to make you feel bad, but to see reality and remove your victim mask as soon as possible.)
So don't kid yourself, stop thinking about how "easy" others have it and if you really want something, get down to business.
5. Worry about what other people think
I honestly think that this is inevitable, at least to some extent. We are human, we have our little heart and in general we want to like it, this is life. But one thing is to accept that you are concerned and quite another to let it limit your life. For example, I always or almost always do what I want, does that mean that I don't care what other people think? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, it depends on who the person is, but what is clear is that this concern or need for approval is not going to stop me. I accept it and move on. And you can do the same.
And no, it is not easy to accept it, it is achieved little by little until one day you realize that it no longer affects you as much.
6. To think that there is only one good or correct thing and the rest are no longer
This is something that few people have stopped to think about, it is like the theme of finding your vocation. It seems that you are very clear about your ideal profession or you are going to be unhappy the rest of your life. And there is only one valid, good, correct option, the rest does not suit you or is not worth it.
This type of thinking is the cause of many people's unhappiness, but you know what? The reality is that you can be happy in different ways and that there are many options that are perfectly valid for you. To think that there is only one thing is stressful and discouraging, you enter the anguish of "life passes and I have not found THAT which will make me happy from here to the rest of my days." Well, "reality check" as they say in English. You can be happy with different options and what may have made you happy so far may not do so in the future.
And nothing happens, it is normal, law of life. It's a matter of finding out what options you have and choosing the one that best suits your current circumstances, priorities and values. It will take more or less, you may need help finding your options; But what I want you to be clear about is that there is not a SINGLE perfect THING, there are options and you choose.
7. Thinking that your past determines your future
That you have made a mistake in the past does not mean that your life is over forever and that you cannot do things differently. The past is past and you always have the opportunity and the right to start again. You had it yesterday, you have it today and you will have it tomorrow. Like almost everything in this life, it is your choice…
In summary, it is clear that we are not robots, that we have ups and downs and that certain circumstances or people can especially trigger this type of thinking, and that is fine. The question is to realize it so that you can change them little by little. Because the reality is that they can greatly affect what you achieve in life, your happiness and anything you can do to feel fulfilled and more satisfied is always worth it, right?
