Do you find yourself on more than one occasion saying phrases like:
- " He would have done better this report" "Do not'm dedicating my family all the time you should " " I have to do that graduate this year, although much I do not like because I know I will serve"
Attentive if you felt identified with any of these phrases because at the bottom of these verbs: "I would have to, I should do, I have to", what is often hidden or camouflaged is a great demand. That is to say, a mandate (often external and many others, already internal) of what we think or suppose we should do or what we perceive that others expect of us.
The requirement has the "ability" to show us what we have not done, what we still need to achieve, what we do not yet have. In short, it brings us face to face with what is lacking, what we do not have . It brings us face to face with the constant feeling of incapacity, of not being able to. And in this way what is achieved is blurred, what you do have, what has been achieved. We stop perceiving our resources and strengths because we minimize them, underestimate them, downplay them.
And not to confuse demand with commitment, responsibility, professionalism or excellence. Because that is another of the ways in which the demand is presented to us and then we hear ourselves saying: "I am very professional, that is why I am demanding" or "to achieve excellence in what we want, we must be demanding". Nothing more tricky than this, since although effort, work, responsibility and perseverance bring us closer to our goals and allow us to grow and evolve, the "mandates", what is supposed to be expected of us or what we often expect from ourselves,instead of approaching professionalism, it distances us, since it distances us from our true desires, from our own essence. And we stop being who we want to BE to be what we were told to be.
And emotionally, among the demands that we have (those that have to do with our history, our education, our closest environment) added to those that we are incorporating from society, culture, the media, frustration appears, constant discomfort, guilt and emptiness. And all this for not achieving what we think we should have achieved, whether it be a better position in the company, a bigger and more beautiful house, a perfect body, never getting sick, attending all the school events of our children and cook like the best chef for the whole family. All this with a radiant smile in the best propaganda style of toothpaste. Doesn't that sound like much to you?
Chances are you're used to working this way, and when you get used to it, you start to naturalize it, even if you're uncomfortable. It is a discomfort that allows you to function. But what a nasty way to work, right?
Now, and this is the most interesting part!, If you already detected that you are demanding, that you are more aware of what you have not achieved than what you have been able to do, if you evaluate your actions based on what others say or They expect you, instead of depending on what you genuinely want, pay attention to the following, because you can do something to get out of this operating circuit that no longer feels good to you.
Before anything you undertake and / or your daily life routine, it is important that you take into account these tips to “move” from the demanding place you have been suffering from:
- It makes a check list of your expectations: and here I mean that it is your expectations that you take into account and not those of others (read your parents, your partner, your friends, your children, society). That they are concrete, realistic, palpable and measurable. In other words, trying to lose 10 threads in a month is not only not healthy, but it also has negative consequences such as the rebound effect, the difficulty in supporting that weight over time, among others. Instead, planning a change in diet to lose those 10 kilos over, for example, five or six months, is a more feasible goal to be achieved and therefore less frustrating and pretentious. Take ownership of your strengths: that is, empower yourself, record your skills and abilities .Start looking at the resources you have, since they are the ones that will allow you to achieve your plans and achieve your goals. Looking at just the lack, what there is not, leaves you in a place of paralysis and constant discomfort that does not add up at all. If you are going to observe what you lack, it should be to think about building and it will serve as a trigger to advance and not as an obstacle to stay stopped. Prioritize: that is, do not put everything in the same bag and do not intend to do everything now and perfect. Establish an order of what you need and want first and start releasing what you can do later or even what you can think of delegating (because yes, there is always some task that can be delegated and it is healthy and liberating, I guarantee it, learn to do it)Replace the verb "I have to" with "I choose this": I must do such a thing, I want to do such a thing and therefore I choose to do such a thing. This positions you in a different way from what you do. It allows you to place yourself as the protagonist of what you do and not as the submissive and passive spectator of your own life.
Remember that ultimately, what this life is about, is that you can be the version of yourself that makes you feel the best and that is only achieved when you are faithful to what you want. For this, venture to go beyond the mandates, what is expected of you or what you think you should do and befriend what you really want to BE.
What do you think? Do you dare to leave us your comments? Tell us your experience around the requirement. Let's open debate and grow this wonderful community of people willing to lead their own lives!
A hug!
Maria Noel
