Everything that a person achieves in his social life has, to a greater or lesser extent, the support of those around him. From our birth, going through important processes such as education and socialization, we always have the support of others. Parents, siblings, friends, coworkers and neighbors are part of who we are, what we feel, what we say and what we do.
Unfortunately, we are little aware of this, and this is confirmed by our tendencies to compete, rather than to cooperate, and to conflict, rather than to the harmonization of ties. Just look at the figures for divorces, broken business partnerships, and violent acts to notice our inability to establish positive relationships.
What is a relationship? A relationship is a connection, a contact between two things or between several aspects of the same thing. In the human case, we would say that a relationship is a connection with ourselves or between us and our fellow human beings. This "me-me" or "me-them" relationship is positive, when it favors the achievement of our objectives, when it allows us to evolve and when it generates well-being.
Creating a good intrapersonal relationship (with ourselves) involves reviewing our thoughts and avoiding mental self-sabotage that damages and destroys you. It is required to be vigilant and willing to face negative or limiting habits of thought, generally learned culturally through family, school, mass media, and other ideological agents. An optimistic mentality, the valuation and care of the body, self-acceptance, internal consistency, the determined search for peace and happiness, and the internalization of ideas and attitudes of the type "I am worth", "I can" and "I deserve", are some of the indicators of self-esteem.
When we have reached a degree of balance and satisfaction with who we are, we can then establish positive relationships with others. In order to establish truly favorable links, we need to have a scale of values that allows it, and also learn to communicate. How can I treat others well if I think that people are bad, that nobody changes, that life is a war in disguise and that for someone to win, someone must lose? Impossible!
It requires thinking that there is a positive reserve in each being, that people evolve and change with experience, that life is a challenge and an opportunity to learn and experience positive experiences, and that cooperation and solidarity are necessary and possible. High positive values determine positive attitudes and actions, while mediocre values produce harmful attitudes and actions that affect collective harmony.
An essential aspect of positive relationships is «assertive communication», a bonding style that proposes, without shyness or aggressiveness, healthy ways of bonding, based on respect and honesty with oneself and with others. Assertiveness prevents manipulation, a key element of negative relationships.
We manipulate, every time we force others to do something we want but they don't. To manipulate we use resources such as counterfeiting, blaming, intimidation, intellectualization and seduction. It is good to note that when we manipulate, we do so driven by fears of rejection and failure.
Positive relationships require to be a reality: appreciation and appreciation of others, rather than underestimation and contempt; respect before disrespect, tolerance more than intolerance; the integration; solidarity before indifference or rejection; justice before injustice, and peace, not violence.
Human conflicts are based on the false idea that "others are different from me (always less than me) and do not deserve the same as I deserve." Therein lies the key to envy, jealousy, criticism, aggressiveness and violence. That is the trap by which the other is guilty and I am the innocent.
In short, a positive relationship is one that allows or stimulates our evolution and our satisfactory achievements. Their starting point is a good relationship with ourselves, based on healthy self-esteem (knowing, accepting and valuing themselves), so that we can relate in the best possible way to our fellow human beings, in bonds oriented towards joy, harmony and prosperity, not fear, conflict and scarcity.
If we are going to be surrounded by people, nothing better than to be well with them.
Thanks for reading me.
