"It is not enough to know what to say, you also have to know how to say it" Aristotle.
Has it ever happened to you that someone asks you for something, perhaps abusing friendship a little and you, to avoid any type of conflict, reluctantly agree?
How do you feel at that moment? Angry at that person and at yourself for not saying "no"?
Keep reading, we will present you with keys so that you do not feel like this again.
Why say no? The importance
Saying is not, in the first place, a need of a practical order because we can hardly organize our day-to-day if we agree to any request that comes our way.
On the other hand, saying "no" is a way to reaffirm our personality and respect our own needs.
When a person reaches his goals, many times he will have said "no" to proposals that did not fit his wishes, ideals or values.
Saying "no" is compatible with being loved and pleasing others.
When we resist giving a negative, we are putting other people's wishes before ours. This can provoke frustration in us and lead us to undervaluation Or does this attitude come from there? Cause or effect?
Okay, we all want to please and take into account our personal needs at the same time. How to act then?
Keys:
- Take the time you need to reflect on what you really want. Define your priorities. What would you have to give up to meet that request? Evaluate what emotions incite you to say "yes" (fear of… hurting someone, creating a conflict, disappointing, confronting someone, appearing selfish…). Remember that if you find it difficult to say "No" anyone can manage your will by appealing to your fears. Put yourself in courage. If you always say "yes" to others you are saying "no" to yourself. Think of a correct way of saying "no". Your correct form.
How to do it?
My recommendation is that you reflect on how to say NO that best suits you. Here are some ideas:
- Keep in mind the golden rule: avoid giving a dry negative ("no"), try to say something else. A resounding and solitary “no” can generate discomfort, distance, resentment…. Make a clear distinction between the person and the request. Just because you reject a specific request does not mean that you reject the person who requests it. Make it clear. Give alternatives: saying "no, but I propose…" and proposing other possibilities softens the refusal and makes the receiver feel understood. Use empathy by giving an explanation that brings you closer to the other "I appreciate that you have thought of me, the project seems very interesting to me, however, I like to spend the evenings with my family because…. ”Pay attention to the tone. Avoid using a hostile or harsh tone. Be kind and give the negative in a firm but relaxed tone. Balance.The key to harmonious relationships (with ourselves and with others) is balance.
Would you like to implement these ideas in your life? How would you do it?
Your time and energy are limited resources, use them effectively.
Bibliography and Webgraphy:
- Human communication Theory. Paul Watzlawick.Non-verbal communication: the body and the environment, Knapp, Mark, L., Paidós.Don't tell anyone like that. Francisco Gavilan - Zenith.
