Problems, conflicts and setbacks are not avoidable in life, they are a constant with which it is essential to live together. There are many people who bow to adversity, fewer are those who know how to treat it and make it an inexhaustible source of personal growth, but definitely those who from the interaction with problems generate precious opportunities and conclude the experience in a state qualitatively superior to the starting state.
Main body
The problems, difficulties and setbacks that arise in life have a set of characteristics that must be properly known and understood in order to interact with them. This makes the task of solving them much easier.
Fortunately, the nature of conflicts is not completely random: it has a structure, it responds to mechanics, it presents a state and an interdependent system with its environment. Its dynamics can be known in the same way as that of a natural phenomenon: a hurricane, a tornado, a storm. It can be understood how they form, how they develop, how serious they are, how long they can last and what damage they can cause. Like these other natural phenomena, they can be predicted and allow for anticipation. A problem can have the character of a tornado in a person's life and thus presents a parallel of strong emotions: anxiety, anguish, fear. One of the few but far-reaching differences that problems hold in their comparison with these phenomena of nature,fully justifies the attention that must be paid: it is known how they are formed, how they begin and also how they can end. The latter is precisely what cannot be determined in a natural phenomenon.
Entering into a deep understanding of the nature of problems is an investment that produces substantial returns. Our quality of life and our potential for full fulfillment as people are compromised in it.
Let's know some basic aspects:
First, it is important to differentiate the problems themselves from their causes and effects. The first, that is, the precise identification of the causes, constitutes the main factor in finding the solution to the problem.
The second, the identification and treatment of its effects, will determine whether or not the solution can be carried out.
Understanding this causal relationship allows us to be efficient in conflict resolution.
The most important mistake we make is to assume that the Problem is an entity, our approach to it is usually holistic. The inevitable emotional charge that problems cause contributes a lot to making this mistake. In most cases we hardly have the ability to partially visualize the Problem. Few times is it possible to understand the entire causal relationship. And this is more serious between the greater and untimely the Problem.
The first thing that causes the appearance of the Problem in us is a reaction. Our thoughts and our actions are located first in the part of the effects that this causal relationship has. There the attention and the first efforts are directed. Usually this behavior has a highly emotional content and for this reason it further confuses the integral perception of the Problem and hinders its subsequent solution. Later we start the reflective approach towards the problem to visualize it better and begin to understand it and of course, later still the process of identification and evaluation of the causes of the problem. Sometimes the latter is not done at all.
When the time comes to Solve the Problem, the difficulty of the task is closely related to the nature of the first reactions and the degree of understanding that was reached of the Problem and its causes.
And in most cases the following occurs: the initial reaction to the Problem did not help at all and ended up increasing the negative effects. Our understanding of facts and causes is almost as limited as the solution we are implementing.
Interacting with problems in this way is not helpful and can even be dangerous, taking into account that problems are not only inevitable in the course of life but are part of a tireless routine from which no one is exempt.
Probably the saddest (and the most costly) result produced by this vicious circuit is the denial of a fundamental fact of the very nature of the problems: and that is that each one of them actually presents us with an Opportunity. Problems are ALWAYS potential opportunities, regardless of their intensity, their severity or the great setback they cause. Emerging victorious from a problem changes a person's state: it makes him grow, strengthens him, increases his experience and his ability to face future setbacks.
The way to end the vicious circuit lies in the ability to control the reactions that are adopted when problems arise. When the Problem arises, nothing can be done about it, it is just there. But this is one thing and quite another is the form that our reaction takes. Over it if we have control, this is within our reach.
Reactions to the Problem should be as devoid of emotional charge as possible. Emotions are the fuel that problems need to take shape, grow and hurt. The calmest, least emotional reactions are those that moderate the negative effects of the Problem. The reactions opposite character make ourselves at our worst enemies. The Problem itself is just a set of facts, it is something completely impersonal; it is we who breathe life into it and make it an active, dominant entity. Then the Problem grows and mutates from one state to another, becoming ungovernable.
Controlling the reactions we have to the Problem is a very difficult task and in this difficulty lies the factor that differentiates the majority of people from those few who succeed in their disappointment. To win, it is essential to abruptly suppress the emotional state and activate rationality.
The primary reaction when the Problem arises should be only a long pause, as long as possible. Do and say nothing: disable nerve circuits. Immediately afterwards, reason must be activated and must be strictly focused on the analysis and evaluation of the problem, that is, on the specific facts that it presents. In this task it is also recommended to take as much time as possible, time should always play in favor of the solution and not the Problem, (of course, the analysis of these problems is not considering any accident or catastrophe that develops in seconds, this already corresponds to another category).
After the Rational analysis of the Problem as a set of facts, the head replaces the stomach in establishing a first response. This first response should be just that: an approach to the solution, an act that "narrows the ground" in which the facts unfold, an effort to prevent the problem from taking more proportions than it has already reached. This first response is a way of applying "cold cloths" to the situation. The person trained to face problems with advantage develops a lot of skill in this. A classic “cold cloth” is the serenity that can be demonstrated (not the indispensable one to have but the one that can be exhibited). This helps a lot to have the support of the people around us.
Another useful “cold cloth” is active communication with all the people who may be involved in solving the problem, informing them of the facts and preventing them from taking any action that projects the problem beyond the limits we are setting.
Another quick action should clearly establish the authorized channels for treating the problem.
The first answer has a lot to do with ordering the situation and avoiding the chaos that often causes trouble.
The basic Solution to the Problem arises as a product of an exhaustive analysis of the Causes it has. Here time must necessarily be an ally.
This is a completely rational stage, the mind determines the conceptual guidelines and the actions to follow. From here arise deep answers, in matter and in time; solutions that not only favorably resolve the problem but also establish foundations so that the facts are not easily repeated again. For the latter, it is stated that the Solution must not only solve the Problem, it must also overcome it, to a point where the final state of affairs exceeds in quality and in benefit to the original state.
Reaching this level is not easy either and is another factor that discriminates many against very few. Most people do not always emerge victorious from their relationship with adversities, another smaller group barely resolves them, but ultimately there are very few who manage to get out of problems in a better state than they had in the beginning.
Finally there are two additional things that must be done:
1.- An inventory of the Problem. This enriches the experience and allows the development of "antidotes" to the circumstantial probability that the event will be repeated in the future.
2.- What Opportunity should I identify as a product of the Problem? The answer to this is pure growth. At this point the problems become a blessing and consume the paradox. By striving to find this answer, we seal the victory, showing everyone that we are part of that small group that in favorable or adverse situations only extracts from life the best that it offers.
Let me conclude with this thought that summarizes my own experiences:
At the end of this unfinished story, after a long road full of winding, steep slopes and dizzying drops, beautiful visions surrounded by bright light and images hidden by powerful darkness, life has allowed me to discover a friendship like no other.: my friendship with Problems. This friendship has simple bases, it is based on a simple relationship. And like everything simple and simple in this world it is both great and moving.
The fundamental basis of the Friendship I have with Problems is this: Nothing in this life has made me GROW more than my constant interaction with them! No teacher has been wiser, no one has given me more opportunities, no advice has been less selfish, nothing has been more stimulating. My relationship with Problems has also allowed me to discover the essence of Love, love for myself for that inexhaustible capacity we have to overcome difficulties, love for others to whom we must turn to overcome adversity and to whom we must protect yourself and above all love for Life that tirelessly shows us that after every dark and cold night the Sun always rises.
