Are you frustrated that you've been trying to make changes for a long time without seeing results? You want to change something, either personally or professionally, you do something different, it doesn't work and you wonder why. You get overwhelmed and, worst of all, you keep doing the same thing thinking that one day it will work (a perfect example of this is explained by Salvador Figueros). I sin from that many times, and that's why this topic caught my attention.
In the book "A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life", Lynn Marie Sager explains it very well (the book is in English and this is a free translation that I have done):
“A madman was sailing his boat against the current. Due to his previous training and experience, he was convinced that this was the best way to navigate. He frequently collided head-on with other ships and rebuked them "Why don't you look where you're going?" And so it went on, colliding with other ships and wondering why the river was full of madmen. ”
How about? It is what she calls cause-and-effect power. If you do things and do not get the desired effect, it is because, perhaps, you are not addressing the right cause. In this case it is not that you are paralyzed by fear, you just do not know what to do, you only see the problem not the cause. And that makes you end up exhausted trying to fix or change things without having results, because you still don't understand what really needs to be changed; you are focusing on the problem, not the cause.
If your ship continues to collide with others, you would have to redesign your ship or the way you navigate. If you are trying to change something or someone's attitude, you should change the way you communicate or present what you want. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has repeated something a thousand and one times to her husband without any results, and I still get angry thinking she doesn't listen to me, but as the author says:
"If the first time he ignored you, neither the second nor the third time, why would he do it the thousandth time?"
It is time to change tactics, to analyze the cause of your problem and focus on it. The question is not how you can change another person or a circumstance (it is difficult for someone to change why you want and according to your rules, and there are circumstances that are as they are, period), but how or what you can change to achieve the result what do you want. Getting things done because you want to is difficult, but if you can find a way for them to want, things change… Changing the way you communicate, being more persuasive, putting yourself in the other person's place to understand them better, leaving give advice that nobody asks you, trying to understand the cause of that behavior / result, etc.
I understand that this is complicated and I am not going to give you any solution, but I want you to think carefully about the message of this article and how you can apply it to your life, I am already thinking about it too! I want to end with a few words from the same book:
“Don't just wait for success to come, ask yourself what actions you must take to succeed. Don't just wait for happiness, ask yourself what actions will bring you happiness. Don't just dream of a perfect future, ask yourself what actions will make that future come true. ”
Remember, do not focus on the problem, look for the cause and think… What actions are you going to take?
