Many people write to me because they are in a situation they don't know how to get out of. They feel lost, stagnant and a little adrift, they don't know what they want or how they got to where they are.
In general, the reason you are like this is that you are not clear about what is really important in your life, or that what is directing your life is not what it should be, that you have let other people or circumstances decide for you. What can you do in those situations? Or better, how to prevent it from happening again?
If you want not only to make decisions with which you feel satisfied, but to lead a full life, it is essential to have a good anchor, something that will keep you safe and firm regardless of what happens around you. That anchor is nothing more than what you value most in life and will determine the actions and decisions you take. In addition, it will help you stay on your site regardless of the opinions or criticism of others. That yes, so that the anchor fulfills its role, regardless of the storms that are coming, it is essential that it be strong and stable, because if it is not, at the first change you will find yourself adrift. Logical, right?
The problem arises when what you have chosen as an anchor is a person or a certain circumstance, because both people and circumstances change continuously and, therefore, they are not good options as an anchor. They can work well for a time, as long as that person or circumstance remains stable. But what if it suddenly disappears? What happens if it changes so much that you are unhappy? That you will feel completely disoriented and lost, you will be left without an anchor and you will not know what to do next. You will feel adrift.
So how do you make sure you have a good anchor? What can you choose to stay stable no matter what happens?
Your values
Values are principles or ideals that change little throughout our lives (we tend to keep them all our lives) and that are easy to identify: justice, integrity, humility, service, joy, compassion, growth, etc. For example, if your main value is justice, whatever happens in your life or in your environment you can always identify what is fair and what is not, and that guides you when acting and making decisions. Although the decision is hard and painful, what is fair is fair, right?
And the same for the other values, you know how to identify honesty, truth, happiness, growth, etc; and you also know when they are not present. Therefore, if you choose one or more of these values as an anchor, it will be easier for you to know that you are doing what you want to do, that you are being guided by what is truly important to you. Also, the opinions of other people will not affect you as much, because you have your clear values. And you will know when your life adjusts to them, and when not. Thus, when you encounter unforeseen events or difficult moments, you can make decisions based on what you really value. And what happens when you know you are doing the right thing and what you want to do? That you gain strength to get going and that what others tell you affects you much less.
In my opinion, your values are not only an anchor that allows you to stay firm even in the worst conditions, but also the compass that helps you choose the right direction. Does that mean that your life will be wonderful and that you will never have a hard time making decisions? No, you will continue to suffer, but when you do what you want to do and you are consistent with your values, do not regret and feel satisfied with your actions, even if you have a hard time at times.
So sit back and think about what your core values are, your anchor. So that from now on it is clearer if what you do is consistent with what is important to you. For me, for example, integrity and growth are essential in my life. Therefore, regardless of the circumstances that surround me and the people who are in my life, when making decisions and doing something I am guided by these two ideals. By now everyone knows how bad it was when I left science, but have I ever regretted it? No. Am I satisfied with my decision? Yes, because I did what I wanted to do at that time and according to my values of growth and honesty and, therefore, even if it had not gone well, I would be happy just for having tried it.
How about? Tell me what is or will be your guide from now on.
