A reader recently wrote to me explaining his situation and asking, "Aida, how do I know this is what I really want." Very good question, like all the questions you ask me. It is true that some people are very clear about what they want (myself most of the time), but many others are not. If this is your case, like this reader, you may be wondering how to know if something is what you really want. This question can refer to two different things:
- Know if you really want to dedicate yourself to a particular thing, know if what you think you want is really what you want (and not what others have led you to want).
A long time ago I wrote an article about what to do when you have too many ideas or passions, which can be useful if you are in the first case. If you are not sure if you really want to do something, there are two things you can do. First, collect all the information you can about the job in question, including talking to people who are already dedicated to it and who can tell you what it really means to dedicate yourself to it and what you need to achieve it.
And secondly, the most effective method, try it. Nothing can beat that. There are times when you have to stop thinking and get down to work, because thinking only takes you so far. If you've already reached that point, give it a try. Volunteer, take an introductory course, whatever. For example, how did I confirm that I liked science (although I already knew it, one thing is what you believe and another is reality)? Looking for a laboratory where to do free practices and insisting that they catch me because they did not usually take 3rd grade students. How did I know I liked coaching? I signed up for an introductory session and then took the course. Trying it out in person surpasses everything else and makes your ideas clear. So if there is something that arouses your curiosity, that you say "I would love to do that", sign up for a course and check it out.
Regarding the 2nd case, perhaps it may seem shocking to you not knowing how to distinguish what you want from what others expect of you, but it is not. I remember a client saying, "I don't know if this is what I want or what I think I want because it is what others approve of." A complicated situation. In this case you are so absorbed in pleasing others that you let things go until one day you realize that you can no longer, that you are not happy and that you want to start doing what you really want. Issue? You don `t know what you want.
In this case, you could use the help of a coach because it is likely that you will not stop thinking about the same ideas and feel blocked. It is important that you do an analysis of what is important to you and that you begin to reconnect with yourself, with your intuition, to know how to determine when something ignites a flame within you and when it does not. This is sometimes easy to see by those around you, if they are able to detect the change in your expression or in your tone of voice when you talk about something in particular that you are really excited about. I have verified this with many clients, who at first sound overwhelmed and when they talk about what they really like they light up, their voice rises, they rejoice, they light up.
In summary, if you are considering doing something different and you are not sure if it is what you really want, get well informed and try it. And do not stress too much obsessing about finding the perfect profession for you, if what you do in the end you do not like, you change it (and the usual, I know it is not easy, but it is what there is). We all have the right to make mistakes, to try and change our minds and you are no exception. And if what you want is to be sure to do what you really want, not what others want, start by figuring out what it is you really want. Do not get carried away by the most comfortable or the most logical, stop to think and more than to think, to feel; because sometimes thinking too much complicates everything more.
What do you tell me, what method do you use?
