As part of my current training as a professional coach to accompany people and companies in achieving extraordinary objectives, and after documenting myself and learning about various methodologies to carry out successful coaching processes in these areas, it is that now as a parent concerned about The best way to train my son with solid foundations that help him develop his skills and talents to the maximum to successfully face the moments he has to live, I began to investigate how coaching techniques could be applied in the parenting.
Thus, I located the book “Coaching for your children” (Ed. Norma - Mexico - 2003) by Dr. Celia Chávez Cham, with whom I contacted via email and was able to obtain her authorization to publish and share this article with the help of their wonderful teachings based on their experiences with parents who did something extraordinary in daily contact with their children, aware of their work as educators and life coaches, and who have formed strong, successful and happy children, providing them with all the means so that reach your goals.
In principle, it is proposed that in order to make the coaching process highly effective, it must be supported by a solid and deep love when applied in a family, respecting the wishes and dreams of our children, without judging them, and having to break our paradigm that " we always "have all the answers and that we do things" for their good ". "Just like business coaching or life coaching, in coaching for your children all your work as a parent focuses and develops based on what your child dreams of, her goals and goals for life," says the author.
For this, it is necessary to know how to motivate and emerge in our children the approach of options and actions to achieve their goals, based on asking them "powerful questions" (inductive questioning), giving them the opportunity to find the best answers themselves. Through coaching we can discover both the skills, talents and qualities, as well as those behaviors and attitudes that limit it negatively, helping them to focus on the development of all the potential they possess.
"A well-formulated question must have the following characteristics: it is action-oriented, it directs the mind to the future, it asks what or how but never why, it is goal-oriented and contains powerful presuppositions", these presuppositions should point out that our son It is valuable and it will successfully complete every task it sets itself.
Some examples of powerful questions that we can try with them are:
- What do you think of what you just did? What do you need to have your room tidy? What will you do after you have finished your homework? What other ways can there be for you to get along with your brothers? How will you manage to have more fun when Let's go for a walk on Sunday? How will you feel when your excellent grades are delivered to you at school?
But the main thing, before applying the coaching techniques in our children, it is essential to accept and recognize them as they are, since it will be the main asset they will have to succeed throughout their lives, that will help us as parents to achieve empathy (rapport), based on unconditional love. Remember that what you don't teach him with love, life will teach him with pain. "
Needless to say, every training process involves setting limits, but we must be clear about marking them without hurting them or destroying their self-esteem. Faced with inappropriate behaviors we have the great opportunity to correct it with love, emphasizing a firm sanction directly related to such behavior, without verbally or physically attacking it.
Likewise, well-known that overprotection in children does not lead to anything good, on the contrary they will fill them with fears and insecurities that will help us face the challenges that life imposes on them.
“All parents who raised successful children believed that their children were capable of achieving whatever they set out to do. When you love without overprotecting you begin to open the doors of success. That's where coaching for life begins. ”
We must also know how to trust our children, otherwise we will be preventing them from developing their potential without going through experiences that help them overcome new challenges. "If you think that your son is a champion, that he will conquer life, you give him with your confidence a huge boost for his future performance."
The other factor to take into account will be the respect that we must have in the way how our children build their own reality, for which we have to eradicate the idea that our children must meet the expectations that we could not achieve, that will prevent respecting our son as he is. Likewise, respect for the couple will be essential, since the rejection of our partner's behaviors will cause a deep emotional mark on our children. "What is very important is to separate the behavior from the identity of your partner, as well as accepting that this behavior could appear in your child."
An important part of the coaching process is the relationship established between the coach (father) and the coachee (son), for this we must put all our attention every time we talk to our children, and thus maximize the little time we have with them to make it a moment of training with quality listening, attention and powerful feedback to them.
"A good coach needs to be a warrior to set the limits that would hurt the champion if he does not respect them, to defend him from the dangers that the path to the goal holds", for this we must control the intensity of the father-son fights, since It will give us the opportunity to create creative alternatives to resolve the conflict, resulting in the personal growth of both participants.
The parent (coach) must seek to develop in their child (coachee) the talents necessary to achieve the desired goal, for this reason we must encourage various forms of responses to the same situations that arise, making them use their available skills and abilities.
On the other hand, the development of emotional intelligence in the coaching process is vital, it will be useless for our children to be first in the school if we do not instill in them the enormous importance of relating to others, namely sharing and having attitudes positive about life. "Your child's ability to relate will pay him far more dividends in life than any college degree."
Finally, I transcribe a selection of some motivating phrases - from the book “Coaching for your children” by Dr. Celia Chávez Cham - and that speak for themselves, to keep them in mind in this difficult task of being the best educators of successful children:
- Become his biggest fan. Believing in him means that you are sure that he will conquer what he sets out to. Present him challenges that he can successfully solve and gradually increase the degree of difficulty; This experience will let you know that you are capable of success. Children have the enormous ability to dream, it is adults with our arsenal of personal history who destroy their powerful imagination. If you allow your child to face life negligently, with minimal effort She will learn to avoid effort. Show her the way to success, demanding the best she can give in everything she does. Each time you celebrate your successes with your child, you are promoting high performance, promoting effort accompanied by fun, pleasure and enthusiasm. Help your child to be more than having, the latter will come in addition.If you want your child to be honest, you need to live honestly; If you want me to love life, it is essential that you love it.
I hope I have contributed to this article by giving motivating tools to parents concerned about how they can educate their children for their best future.
Editorial Norma (August 2003)
ISBN: 9700905950
Dra. Celia Chávez Cham, graduate in Clinical Psychology, Master and Trainer in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Diploma in Family Psychotherapy and Certified Coach with more than 14 years of experience in human development, NLP and personal growth.
Presupposition is something you assume before it happens.
